ONLY IN NEW YORK

HA HA, HE HE, HEY HEY, HO HO

I have mentioned many times over the last few years about this absolutely awesome website called "Overheard In New York" which lists random conversations overheard all around NY and submitted by fans of the site. Any one can submit and then the editors choose the best ones and post them on the site.

The conversations are hilarious alright but the ‘headlines’ that the editors at the site give it are sometimes even funnier (in red).

Enjoy and do remember to bookmark the site. On a depressing day there’s nothing better to perk you up than examples of fellow human beings spouting absolute nonsense.

Below are some of the choice ones from the last 3 weeks entries.

Enjoy & Luv

Vish

Eh, That Could Mean Anything.

Fat woman #1: Listen! I am telling you that that bitch stole my cat! I am absolutely positive that she mothafuckin' stole my cat!
Fat woman #2: Girl, she probably did, she's crazy. What made you so damn convinced that she did it?
Fat woman #1: Because I got a mothafuckin' text message from her sayin', "meow."

--Liquor Store, Brooklyn

...Like, One That Makes You Thin?

Woman: And she's dying from some disease.
Man: Well, is it a good disease?

--57th & 7th

That's Cold.

Younger pharmacy clerk: I'm cold.
Older pharmacy clerk: That's your problem.

--Duane Reade

How Kids Learn to Offer Bribes
Little boy, whispering to brother: That's a cop. He can arrest people.
(brother starts tickling little boy)
Little boy: Arrest him! Arrest him!
Cop: Sorry, kid. I'm off duty.

--5 Train

Supernanny Calls That "Time Out With Extreme Prejudice"

Dad to screaming kid: Stop screaming! Stop screaming! Do you want to go to time out?
Screaming kid to dad: It's too cold for time out!
Dad to screaming kid: Then we'll do it on the subway!
Screaming kid to dad: There's no time out on the subway!
Dad to screaming kid: There is if daddy leaves you on the train.

--42nd & 7th

Who Doesn't Love a Jazzhandjob?

Woman: You mean you didn't like having sex with her?
Man: Well, I mean, she was just too... jazzy afterwards.
Woman: Oh, I know. Don't worry, that's just how she is. I thought it was weird at first, too.
Man: Excuse me, when did you start fucking my girlfriends, you little whore?!

--Madison Square Garden

If I Could Read Minds, I Wouldn't Be Homeless, Ma'am

Hobo: Spare some change, ma'm?
Woman: Ugh, I don't have any change, I'm going to yoga. Why would I carry change if I'm going to yoga?

--The Strand

Romance in the times of Twilight.

Girl to boyfriend kissing her hand: Are you kissing my hand or wiping your nose?

--Central Park

Sit Your Ass Down, You Overcompliant Child

Mother to son, at semi-crowded subway: Where's Alliyah?
Son: I don't know, somewhere over there.
Mother: Alliyah!
(Alliyah walks over)
Mother: Where were you?
Alliyah: Over there.
Mother: Sitting down?
Alliyah: Yeah.
Mother: Then why'd you get up?
Alliyah: (shakes head and rolls eyes)

--F Train

How Was Your Martin Luther King Day, New York?

Nurse to Asian woman at free blood pressure screening: Ma'am, you need to get your high blood pressure checked out by a doctor.
Asian woman: No English.
Elderly black woman: I speak Chinese.
Nurse: Really?
Elderly black woman: Yeah. Ching-ching-ching!

--Harlem

ITS A QUESTION OF A QUESTION.
EK SAWAAL KA SAWAAL HAI

After the last few morose topic I thought I’d give you some light things to ponder over.

Here are some Questions you just CAN'T answer (and if you can then do write back to let me know).

You dont need to ponder too much... they are all in a light vein... remember "Agar Rupa ki baniyan pehnoge toh.....toh...toh..Rupa kya Pehnegi??""

Enjoy.

Luv

Vish





Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? What does he shave with?




Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?




Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?




Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?




Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?




You know the speed of Light but what is the speed of darkness?




Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?




Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? (LOL....I know it is not really a question but I couldnt resist this one.)




How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?



Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?



Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?



Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?



Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? He he he



Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!



If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (Dont answer that..)



If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?



If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? (Again. Try and refrain)



Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?



Does pushing the lift button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why do the Alphabet song (ABCD..EFG...HIJK...LMNOP) and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?



Now Stop singing and get back to work.......

Actor Dies After being tasered.

DEATH WATCH. WATCH DEATH. QUITE LITERALLY.


Its always sad when someone dies but even more so when it could have been avoided.


A porn actor, Andrew Grande, was pronounced dead this morning at a Florida hospital.

The 23-year-old was in the middle of filming a new reality show when he got into an argument with a girl. Someone reported the disturbance and when the cops arrived one of the police officers tried to arrest Andrew.

He resisted and quickly shoved something in his mouth, which was later found to be Marijuana.

And that's when things turned deadly for him.

Since he was resisting arrest, one of the officers 'tasered' him to restrain him, but the jolt forced the contents in his mouth to lodge in his throat and he began to choke.

The officers desperately tried to save him by using the Hiemlich maneuver but the bag was just too big and by the time the paramedics arrive, he had already passed out. He was dead by the time they reached the hospital.

And just because he was in the middle of reality show, there is footage of the entire ordeal, which you can watch below.

I must warn you that it's pretty disturbing and not very easy to watch and for that matter i cant even believe the cameraman kept shooting.

So Sad & So Tragic.


Vish


IMP: VIEWER DISCRETION STRICTLY ADVISED.

Cry Baby Over Milk

YET ANOTHER MILK STORY...

A Company called E-Trade debuted an ad during this year's Super Bowl.

And at this stage if you dont follow american football or have any kind of interest in Lindsay Lohan its probably a good idea to stop reading.

Anyway the ad shows 2 kids (babies actually) video chatting.

The boyfriend had apparantly not shown up the previous night for a date with his girlfriend and claims he was working on "diversifying his portfolio" on E-Trade.

The suspecting girlfriend then asks..

"And that Milk-o-holic Lindsay wasnt there??"

Even as the flustered boyfriend is asking "Lindsay???" UP pops a baby girl's head onto the screen saying angrily "Milk-o WHAT??"

Now Miss Lindsay Lohan has had her troubles with the paps with her boozing and alcoholism so she claims that they were mocking her in that ad and wants a cool $100 Million as compensation.

And quite incredibly she also goes on to claim that like Oprah and Cher she too is known world wide by just her first name.

Yeah....Maybe in Cuckoo-Land.

Anyway she claims she saw the ad and called her mommy in tears asking;

"Mommy, mommy how can anyone be so rude?"

Cry-o-holic Anyone???

Enjoy the ad.

Luv

Vish

Honey, I Sprayed the Cops

THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS ??

Wow. Sometimes there comes a bit of news which just makes you speechless.
Seriously. There really isn't much you can say except state the facts and here they are.

An woman in Arizona, USA (where else), was arrested for public intoxication Friday night and taken to jain. There she was given a prison uniform to change into and while doing that she apparantly "sprayed" the cop who was booking her in the face with BREAST MILK!!!

Seriously. SERIOUSLY.

What is wrong with some people?!!

And it gets crazier here.

Apparantly in the USA (again, where else) breast milk is considered as third degree assault in a court of law and so the crazy woman got another charge added.

Over here all i can say is that I dont know what i'm more surprised about.

That something like this could even happen or the fact that it has happened often enough for there to be legislation about it.

WOW.

And that poor cop???

He had to be DECONTAMINATED!!

Check out the news below.... unfortunately they still have not released the cctv tapes from the prison of the actual 'act'.

Enjoy

Vish

CRAZY IS AS CRAZY DOES

FARM ANY BABIES TODAY?

I am in the mood for some net-lecturing today.

Have we seriously gone net-crazy?

By now many of you must have heard of the South Korean couple who let their 3 month old baby daughter die of starvation only because they were too busy raising their ‘virtual’ child online. Both unemployed, they would spend 6-8 hours in the nearby internet café where they were obsessed with a role-playing game called “Prius Online” in which they nurtured a virtual girl named ‘Anima’.

Bottle feeding the poor baby only once everyday, they spent hours upon hours online making sure that ‘Anima’ got her virtual milk on time.

On September 24th when they returned home after spending the whole night at the internet café they found their poor baby dead and promptly went into hiding at a relative’s home from where they had the cheek to issue a statement.

It said: “I’m sorry to my daughter and hope she doesn’t get sick in heaven.”

Now let that be a lesson to all of you who spend hours on your ‘farms’.

Your children & family may not exactly be starving for food but they are starving nonetheless.

Starving for your time and attention.

Think of all the real things you can do for your family and loved ones the next time you go to plant some virtual ‘strawberries’.

BTW did you notice that in that report about the Korean case the virtual baby was called “Anima” but there was no mention of the poor ‘real’ baby’s name.

Neither by the reporters nor by the parents in their statement.

And That’s Sad. Very Very Sad.

Till next time and hopefully some better news.

Luv

Vish

P.S. How many of you were thinking of Googling ‘Prius Online’ even while you were reading the article above? Shame On You.

Anti Smoking

"I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPs

WITH THAT CIGARETTE"



An anti-smoking campaign in France has just released a series of posters to get teenagers to stop smoking.





As I'm sure you've now noticed, that the ads liken the act of 'sexual submission' (or oral sex to be more precise) to that of inhaling tar.

Since all of us dont really read French, the slogan on these ads reads:

"Smoking means being a slave to tobacco."

Naturally it goes without saying that people are pissed, calling the ads "inappropriate" and "counterproductive," but the head of the Non-Smoker' Rights Association, Remi Parola, says the ads were a necessary step to reaching out to the youth demographic:

"We noticed that the traditional anti-smoking campaigns no longer got across amongst the youth. We thus had to use another way in order to raise awareness…We were surprised by the extent of the media buzz. But it's above all a message of public health that got across."

Plain Cancer stories are obviously not effective anymore and hardly gets their attention and while this ad has certainly gotten their attention, the proverbial million dollar question is, is it effective?

What do U think?

Will it make a difference to teenagers?

Till Next Time

Vish

GREAT AD'S

WHAT AN IDEA, SIRJI

Dear All,

I have been crazy busy with work these past few days and before i get to reviewing Karthik Calling Karthik tomorrow let me leave you loyal visitors of my blog with some examples of great ad's.

Ciao

Vishal Calling Vishal

P.S. This compilation of ad's is courtesy my friend Saloni Arora. She's expecting royalty from this so if any large pursed beneficiaries out there then please do contact her with your contributions.... lolz

So Simple and yet So Effective. What would we do without parents.

And Yes, even 1 drink counts. Yes Yes even Beer.

And how many times have we given in to those 2 minute hunger pangs..

Ha Ha Ha....Brilliant.

So True. So True.

Again very Effective.

If Not Us, Who? If Not Now, When?

I am going to guess that the Pakis arent too happy about this. he he

Simbly. That's Why. SIMBLY

We Were Warned.

To All My Smoker Friends (Sallu included)

If the Environment angle doesnt convince you, how about some subtle religious blackmail?

My Name Is Khan - Movie Review

MY NAME IS THACKREY AND I AM A TERRORIST

Movie Review

MY NAME IS KHAN

* Shah Rukh Khan & Kajol

Music - Shanker Eshaan Loy

Directed by Karan Johar

Before I start the review, I have my own theory about the whole Shiv Sena – SRK drama.



I am sure some one must have shown a leaked copy of the movie to Bal Thackeray and his cubs.

My Name Is Khan makes a simple point, there are only 2 kinds of people in this world:
Good People and Bad People. Simple! Period! End of story.

Going by that principle, there are no Pakistanis to hate, no Biharis to harass and no Muslims to cast doubts upon.

Just Good & Bad People.

You do Good, you’re Good. You do Bad, you’re Bad.

So by that parameter the Shiv Sena falls somewhere between Bad and Absolutely Horrid.

And if I were crazy and perpetually paranoid like Bal Thackeray, I too would be afraid of the kind of message this movie is sending.

Very, Very Afraid.

So I don’t buy the whole Pakistan-IPL reason for the Sena’s ire.
It is something much bigger. It is about the common man seeing past their tirade and actually seeing them for what they really are. Very Bad People.

Now coming to the movie.

It isn’t a classic. Lets get that out of the way.

But more importantly it could not have been. Or else we would not be lining up to go watch it. It’d be another of those dreadfully boring documentary type movies that goes straight to video. So to make people go watch it, it could not possibly have been less than it is. So lets not expect it to be something it wasn’t trying to be.

What it was trying to be is a splendid masala movie with a message but without being boring.

And now better to do that than to get SRK and Kajol together again.

This is purely their movie. And boy, do they deliver the goods.

Kajol’s role in particular isn’t very well fleshed out but she brings such effortless charm to it that you can’t help but fall in love with her. And when she is finally given a scene to sink her teeth into......well.... she bites like a great white shark.


In the stunningly heartbreaking scene she lets her acting rip and by the end of those 4 minutes she manages to tear your heart apart with the sheer pain of her grief. I’ve seldom seen such raw pain at the movies. Compare that with the scene in Sarkar II where Aishwarya breaks down after Abhishek's death and you'll know the difference between 'acting' and 'performing'.
Simply Stunning.

And Shah Rukh Khan… a few years ago SRK was doing the showy formulaic movies with Aamir left to do the histrionic heavy lifting and yet this year its a role reversal where we’ve had Aamir with the corny 3 Idiots while SRK gives his 4th best performance (after Chak De, Swades & Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa).

Without letting it slip even once into a caricature, SRK does the whole movie with that rare display of naïve guilelessness. And the best part is that as Rizvan Khan, the mask does not slip even once. I’m sure you must have heard of many adjectives used to describe him but I’m betting that before this movie ‘cute’ wasn’t one of them.

Quite incapable of telling a lie and manipulating words, he keeps asking Kajol to marry him and finally on a cold foggy morning, overlooking the beautiful San Francisco skyline (shot like a dream by K Ravi Chandran) when Kajol finally asks him to marry her, watch him squirm, blush and giggle like a school boy.

He shines even in simple scenes like when he first lands in San Francisco all he can do is gape open mouthed at the huge city from the taxi window.

Apart from the lead pair, Zarina Wahab (as Ammi) and Tanay Cheda (as the young Rizvan) have also performed admirably. The legendry Noor Jehan’s grand daughter Sonia Jehan (last seen in ‘Taj Mahal’) also brings a quiet dignity to her role as Rizvan’s sister in law while the boy playing Kajol’s son is thankfully allowed to be a normal teenager. Neither too cute nor too precocious.

I watched this movie at the Dubai Mall multiplex, surrounded by a mostly Muslim audience and apart from the usual laughs and a few claps the sound most audible was the approving “hmmm”.

It was almost like Rizvan Khan (and the Movie) was saying exactly what they felt.
“I AM A MUSLIM AND I AM NOT A TERRORIST”.

When Zarina as Ammi, explains to young Rizvan, the difference between Good and Bad people she shows him 2 simple figures. One is holding a stick and the other a lollipop.



“Can you tell me which one of them is a Muslim and which a Hindu?” she asks before explaining that “there are only 2 kinds of people in the world. Good & Bad. And its what you do that makes you Good or Bad. Not your religion”.

“Always remember that” she tells him, and if we too can remember that for ourselves, then we will automatically know who are the Good ones who we should support and who are the Bad ones who we should shun.

So if I were one of those shiv-sainiks with a brick in my hand, ready to hurl at the cinema door, I would be afraid of this movie. Very very afraid.

And that is it’s greatest asset.

Go watch it.

Luv

Vish

Examples of WIT

FEELING SMART HUH?


POINTED REPLIES WHEN YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP.
Note: This post is courtesy my friend Dominic (formerly of B'lore but now nesting in Bombay {Take that you Thackreys})

Field Marshal Sam Bahadur Maneckshaw once started addressing a public meeting in English at Ahmedabad .
The crowd started heckling him,"Speak in Gujarati. We will hear only in Gujarati."

Field Marshal Maneckshaw replied,

"Friends, I have fought many a battle in my long career . I have learned Punjabi from officers of the Sikh Regiment; Marathi from the officers of the Maratha Regiment; Tamil from the officers of the Madras Sappers; Bengali from the officers of the Bengal Sappers , Hindi from the officers of the Bihar Regiment; and even Nepali from the very brave officers of the Gurkha Regiment. Unfortunately there was no Army officer from Guajart from whom I could have learned Gujarati."

...and there was pin drop silence.

Today at a time when the US President and other US politicians tend to apologize for their country's prior actions, here's a refresher on how some former US personnel handled negative comments about the United States.

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when Charles DeGaule, the French President, decided to pull out of NATO.

DeGaule said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.

Rusk responded "does that include those who are buried here?"

DeGaule did not respond.

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When in England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked quite pointedly by the Archbishop of Canterbury if US plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building by George Bush.

He answered by saying;

'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.'

And i bet you could have heard a pin drop. Archbishops should stick to theology.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American.

During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying

'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done?He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?'

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?"

Once again you could have possibly heard a pin drop but then with the French its not difficult to shut them up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.

At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks when a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.

He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, 'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

Anyone drop a Pin ?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AND THE FOLLOWING STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE

Robert Whiting, an elderly US gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.

At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on bag.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready," the official snapped.

The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look and then he quietly explained,

''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country,
I couldn't find a single Frenchman to show a passport to."

--------------------------------

Have a nice weekend.

Luv as Usual

Vish