Athithi devo bhawa? 

Subservient or hospitable – where to draw the line.

Tom Cruise arrived in India on a whistle stop tour which included Delhi, Agra and Bombay. It is important to mention here that it was for the promotion of his new Mission Impossible movie and not a private visit.

He’s been doing that all over the world from Europe to Japan to Dubai next week where the film is being premiered at the Dubai International Film Festival.

The movie was filmed in Dubai so I guess the premier makes sense for the producers but I’m not sure it says a lot for a film festival where the star attraction is the 4^th installment of a Hollywood potboiler.

On the other hand the other ‘big’ film being premiered here is the Yash Raj production “Ladies vs Ricky Bahl” so I guess it’s not fair to complain about MI4.

Clearly we are not in Sundance or Cannes.

But I digress.

Getting back to Delhi.

Like a visiting head of state, Tom was ‘received’ at the Delhi airport by Anil Kapoor who is his co-star (which is stretching the term for a 5 minute role) in Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol (who chooses these names).

AK then escorted him to Agra where Tom allegedly fell in love with the Taj at first sight (as faithfully recounted by ace journalist cum guide Anil Kapoor) and marveled, astounded that such a monument could have been built in the 15^th century. Wonder what’ll happen when he visits the Pyramids or the Great Wall

“We Scientologists have such ugly buildings” he probably thought to himself “Maybe I should look at these Islamists.”

They then flew to Bombay.

‘On a private chartered plane’ - as the Indian press breathlessly reported and in the absence of any actual footage they (India TV) replayed the scene from Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts being escorted into a private plane by Richard Gere.

AK could probably pass off as the desi Gere but I doubt Tom would look good in a red gown (rumours of his sexual orientation notwithstanding).

By then ofcourse there were carefully ‘leaked’ information telling us that in Bombay he would be put up at the Taj (the hotel this time) in a suite which allegedly costs 10 lakh a night and where the temperature was to be controlled at a steady 23 degrees.

The room was also to have a system to play his collection of blu-ray discs and a private gym (obviously not whistle stop enough if you have time to watch movies).

And probably also a stool in the bathroom so that Tom could reach his toothbrush.

OK. Ok. I kid (pun intended)

Anyway AK then decided that he and wifey would also move into the Taj for the duration of Tom’s stay in Mumbai.

“The commute from our home in the suburbs would have taken too long” justified AK.

Too long for what?

Well I don’t get the logic of this but probably AK knows better.

What if Tom sir were to sneeze and there is no one with a hanky close enough. Who knows?

Anyway while arriving at the Taj, Tom and AK were apparently greeted by about 200 screaming ‘fans’.

“Taam Taam” they screamed and giggled and giggled some more when Tom stopped to wave at them.

Some smart ass journalist there then decided that since there wasn’t a chance in hell of meeting Tom, he would rather interview some of his ‘fans’

“Are you excited to see Tom Cruise?” he asked them.

“Cruise Kaun?” they asked back

“TOM CRUISE. The guy you were just screaming for/at” the journalist explained.

“We don’t know any Taam” they snapped back.

“Then why the fuck were you screaming Taam Taam like lunatics?” said the irritated journo.

“Because we got paid 150 rupees per hour for that, that’s why” they snapped back. “Anyway who is this Taam?”

“He is a Hollywood superstar” the stunned journalist tried to explain, helpfully adding “from Foreign”

This ofcourse caught their attention.

“Which one, which one?” they excitedly asked

“The one in the blue shirt with Anil Kapoor”

“Ooh that one” they replied feeling suddenly sheepish “we thought the short man was Anil Kapoor’s bodyguard”

Tom Cruise was here on a promotional tour for the movie which I am pretty sure was funded by the production team so why the need to receive him at the airport and escort him around is what I don’t understand.

Host him and be hospitable but get a life for yourself too.

Move into the same hotel??? Isn’t that like stalking?

What could possibly have happened? Would Tom have been lost in the corridors?

Will Tom reciprocate the favour when AK visits LA?

Will he escort AK to see the Grand Canyon?

Will he move into the Hilton with him?

Bollywood stars are hero worshipped by a billion strong population but they would rather live in reflected glory. Foreign glory.

Next time AK goes to LA we should probably stand outside his hotel and scream at him. In an American accent ofcourse.

 “A-nal, A-nal”