OF VIRTUES AND VICE AND ALL THINGS NICE...

This is a report published recently in the Times Of India and its a great article and even greater to see my alma mater mentioned (highlighted in green) again.....

What to do. We are like this only.

Ciao

Vish

Taking lessons in honesty to fight corruption
15 Feb 2009, 0020 hrs IST, Saira Kurup, TNN

Just weeks ago, Indonesia took its fight against corruption to a new level altogether.

It introduced anti-corruption classes in the school curriculum. It was a significant step for a country that ranks 126 on Transparency International's Global Corruption Index 2008, far behind India, which is at number 85. If Indonesia appears to be addressing the canker of corruption at a nascent stage, what of India's complete lack of interest in the matter? Right to Information (RTI) activist Manish Sisodia, who recently filed an RTI query on 'corruption as a topic in school education' laments: "

In reply, the NCERT sent me photocopies of the chapters in which the word 'corruption' had been highlighted! There was one reference to Chilean dictator General Pinochet's corrupt regime in a Class IX book. But no chapters that discuss the issue."

In fact, India could do worse than adopt a 'look East' policy when it comes to educating the young about corruption. Schools across south-east Asian countries are 'catching them young' by introducing anti-graft and 'honest education' theory and practice in the school curriculum.

China, Cambodia, Vietnam, the Philippines, South Korea, Poland, Ukraine and Nigeria are some of the countries which have introduced anti-corruption classes. The recent Indonesian example offers strict but sensible guidelines for India, not least Jakarta's new Pangeran Diponegoro anti-corruption school, which aims to discourage graft by offering extra-curricular classes on nationalism, humanity, democracy and social justice.

It's a fact that there's a high level of tolerance towards corruption in India. Scandals per se, don't shock us any more, only their scale does. A 2005 study conducted by the universities of Auckland and Melbourne on attitudes towards corruption in Australia, India and Indonesia, revealed that Indians exhibit a higher tolerance towards corruption than Australians; Indonesians were found to have the same attitude to corruption as Australians. Perhaps that explains Indians' reluctance towards tackling the all-pervasive corruption issue.

An exasperated Sisodia says, "We have laws and commissions to tackle corruption but that's not enough. We spend 20 years of our lives in education. It is the duty of the education system to teach ethics in public life." But the education authorities' lack of interest in coaching against corruption has not prevented some schools from taking the initiative.

St Joseph's School in Darjeeling has been awarding a certificate of merit — of honesty — to students who desist from cheating. "One of the biggest problems in schools is cheating in exams. I tell children to tackle this, so that it inspires them to tackle issues of justice later in life," says the school's principal, Father Kinley Tshering. He adds, "I made it a condition that the entire class should decide that they would not cheat. Each student is responsible to do an honest test. Many classes between grades 8 and 12 now sit for unsupervised tests. And I am really happy that in the 2008 final exam, not a single child was caught cheating in any class between grades 1 and 12."

Raising the 'honesty bar' has been given another dimension in some other government and private schools across the country. They have set up 'honesty shops or imandari ki dukans'. Stocked with stationery, books and sometimes food, the shops don't have cashiers. The students take what they want and put the right money into the cash boxes. The aim — to inculcate honesty in children. Similar 'honesty bars' are being opened in Indonesian schools. Perhaps it is time for a well thought-out Indian syllabus to teach Gen Next about the evils of corruption. At present, the textbooks published by Indian government institutions lack chapters on corruption.

"I am not inspired by our education board, the ISCE. There should be syllabus on such issues, be it corruption, sex education or religion, especially for children who are not so motivated," says Father Kinley.

For added measure, he paraphrases Edmund Burke's quote,

"Evil results when good men do nothing."

NOW THAT THAT OTHER SHOW IS OVER

After months of speculation, the Filmfare nominations are finally out.

As discredited as they are, they are still the best of the worst.

And its not the Nobel so lets just have fun with them…. Below are my picks of who will win and who should win.

THE NOMINATIONS ARE...

BEST FILM
Dostana
Ghajini
Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na
Jodhaa Akbar
Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi
Rock On!!

Who will win: Jodha Akbar. Simply because of the minuses of the others. Ghajini was not critically acclaimed and the fact that Aamir doesn’t attend awards makes it a weakness. Jaana Tu was a great film but too young to be taken seriously + the Aamir factor again. Dostana is nominated because of the producer (KJo) not because of the movie. Rab Ne was good but awarding it would make the YashRaj+Filmfare nexus too obvious (but since its being held at YR Studios don’t count it out as yet. Adi Chopra is known to be a controlling megalomaniac)

Who Should Win: Rock On! Not the greatest film but definitely the best of the lot here. The really great ones weren’t even nominated like Aamir, A Wednesday etc…

BEST DIRECTOR

A.R. Murugadoss: Ghajini
Abhishek Kapoor: Rock On!!
Aditya Chopra: Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi
Ashutosh Gowariker: Jodhaa Akbar
Madhur Bhandarkar: Fashion
Neeraj Pandey: A Wednesday

Who will win: Ashutosh for Jodha Akbar. Accept it. Bollywood likes nothing more than big films pretending to be good films.

Who Should Win: Abhishek Kapoor because his films (from the list above) was the best of the lot and quite frankly it’s a HUGE improvement on his first snoozefest called Aryan.

BEST ACTOR (MALE)

Aamir Khan: Ghajini
Abhishek Bachchan: Dostana
Akshay Kumar: Singh Is Kinng
Hrithik Roshan: Jodhaa Akbar
Shah Rukh Khan: Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi
Naseeruddin Shah: A Wednesday

Who will win: Hrithik Roshan. Aamir was too Rajnikant in this cheesy B grade wannabe and while AB Jr. was in great form in Dostana the movie in itself wasn’t serious enough to warrant a best actor. Comedians rarely win with the exception being Bebo in last year’s delightful Jab We Met.

Who Should Win: Hrithik Roshan. He was the only good thing in this 3 ½ hr jewelry ad. Perfectly in love as his character demanded but also wonderfully composed as you would expect from a born emperor.

BEST ACTOR (FEMALE)

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan: Jodhaa Akbar
Anushka Sharma: Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi
Asin Thottumkal: Ghajini
Kajol: U Me Aur Hum
Priyanka Chopra: Fashion

Who Will Win: Priyanka Chopra coz this was the ‘acted’ role of the year. Ash was just eye candy (isn’t she always) and Asin was frankly irritating after some time and Kajol, while a great actress, had a crappy film this time.

Who Should Win: Anushka Sharma. 19 yrs old, first film and to hold your own against SRK. That alone should be enough.

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE (MALE )

Abhishek Bachchan: Sarkar Raj
Arjun Rampal: Rock On!!
Prateik Babbar: Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na
Sonu Sood: Jodha Akbar
Tushar Kapoor: Golmaal Returns
Vinay Pathak: Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi

Who Will Win: Arjun Rampal for his well deserved turn in Rock On. He Finally gets to shine.

Who Should Win: Prateik Babbar. In an infectiously bubbly film like Jaane Tu… if you can stand out with just 3 scenes (and what scenes) you definitely deserve to win. Acting prowess shouldn’t be based on the length of the role as Dame Judi Dench showed with her Oscar win with just 3 scenes too.



BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE (FEMALE )

Bipasha Basu: Bachna Ae Haseeno
Kangna Ranaut: Fashion
Kirron Kher: Dostana
Ratna Pathak Shah: Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na
Shahana Goswami: Rock On!!

Who Will Win: Shahana Goswami. Again very well deserved. Watch her moisturize her hands before bed and sneak a quick sniff to check if the fish is still smelling…

Who Should Win: Ratna Pathak Shah. The hindi film mother finally come of age. No Gajar-ka-halwa and infact she almost says the F word… what more can we hope for.


BEST MUSIC DIRECTOR

A R Rahman: Ghajini
A R Rahman: Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na
A R Rahman: Jodhaa Akbar
Pritam Chakraborty: Race
Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy: Rock On!!
Vishal-Shekhar: Dostana

Why are we even debating this after the Oscar double whammy. But ideally it should be for Jodha Akbar for that haunting Khwaja Mere Khwaja but then again maybe it should be for that brilliant Jazz number from Jaane Tu or the haunting Kaise Mujhe from Ghajini….. oh hell just give it to him for life

BEST LYRICS

Abbas Tyrewala: Kabhi kabhi Aditi (Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na)
Gulzar: Tu meri dost hai (Yuvvraaj)
Jaideep Sahni: Haul –haule (Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi)
Javed Akhtar: Jashn-e-bahara (Jodhaa Akbar)
Javed Akhtar: Socha hai (Rock On!!)
Prasoon Joshi: Guzarish (Ghajini)

Who Will Win: Javed Akhtar for Jashn-e-bahara because it was the kind of song Filmfare loves.

Who Should Win: Jaideep Sahni. Haule Haule was beautifully written. Love indeed does come haule haule…. Its lust that comes on like a ton of bricks.

BEST PLAYBACK (MALE)

Farhan Akhtar: Socha hai (Rock On!!)
KK: Khuda jaane (Bachna Ae Haseeno)
KK: Zara si dil mein (Jannat)
Rashid Ali: Kabhi kabhi Aditi (Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na)
Sonu Nigam: Inn lamhon ke daaman mein (Jodhaa Akbar)
Sukhwinder Singh: Haule haule (Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi)

Who Will Win: Rashid Ali for that Aditi chart-topper but why wasn’t Mohit Chauhan nominated for Khuch Khaas. Never mind he has next year’s award wrapped up for Masakali.

Who Should Win: Sonu. He may be shooting his mouth off like crazy and still harbouring dreams of being an actor but when he does get to singing he can knock the socks off anyone.

BEST PLAYBACK (FEMALE)

Alka Yagnik: Tu muskura (Yuvvraaj)
Neha Bhasin: Kuch khaas hai (Fashion)
Shilpa Rao: Khuda jaane (Bachna Ae Haseeno)
Shreya Ghoshal: Teri ore (Singh is Kinng)
Shruti Pathak: Marjaawa (Fashion)
Sunidhi Chauhan: Dance pe chance (Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi)

Who Will Win: Alka simply becoz that Ghosal girl has been winning too many lately.

Who Should Win: Shruti Pathak for that haunting song in Fashion. A resplendently neurotic Kangana on the ramp and Marjaawa playing in the back. You can feel the downfall coming even as she’s the showstopper right there.

But then this is just my views....

Feel free to digress.

Ciao

Vish

OF PRINCES AND BARBERS AND SINGERS AND MOCHIS...

Is political correctness going too far now-a-days?

First there was Prince Harry who was hauled over the coals a couple of years ago for wearing a nazi uniform at a fancy dress party, and then he was recently censured for jokingly calling his friend a Paki (who apparently did not find it offensive if you watch the video) and then in the latest twist he is being sent for some bullshit “Cultural Class” for telling a coloured comedian that he “did not sound like a black chap.

Then a couple of months ago when Madhuri Dixit’s comeback movie was just about to be released some crazy ass filed a PIL saying the title song demeaned Mochis (Just for calling them mochis. They probably want to be known as Shoesmiths)

Then came Jodha Akbar when some other ‘historians’ complained that Jodha was actually Akbar’s daughter-in-law not wife.

And now poor SRK has had to buy lots of masking tape cause some other buffoons have objected to the word Barber in the movie Billo Barber.

Miley Cyrus (or Hanna Montana depending on how you know her) had barely gotten over that photoshoot where she showed her bare back and now she and her friends are in trouble in the states because in a private (please note private) photo she and her friends are seen making slant eyes which ofcourse somehow offends the Asians. (The sole asian in the group is incidentally making big eyes which by the same logic should logically offend someone somewhere atleast)

What is wrong with the world?


Are we suddenly so vulnerable that we believe such silly nonsense can harm us?
As a friend’s wife Monira, said so succinctly over the weekend,


“If every small thing, someone else says, offends your principles then your principles were never quite strong to begin with”

And who are the ones objecting???

The problem is not with the use of the word, it is how it is used that can be offensive.


Now take the word Nigger.



The word by itself is not offensive (otherwise the niggers themselves would not use it freely among themselves or in the Hip-Hop-Rap world) its how it is used that makes it offensive.



I have a South African friend who I jokingly refer to as Nigger and who in turn doesn’t hesitate to call me Chinky. We both know that we don’t mean any malice and hence there is no ill-will among us.

The whole reason the whole ruckus is raised is actually for some hollow publicity and the moolah that inevitable follows.

Aaja Nachle’s music released atlest 2-3 months before the movie yet the asses waited till the day before the release to object. Ditto with Jodha-Akbar (even though in this case the direct descendant of Johda, HRH Maharani Padmini Kumari of Jaipur was consulted and okayed the movie)




And I, for the life of me cannot fathom what is offensive about Barber?

If Harry wore a Nazi uniform for a fancy dress party so what? It is a fancy dress party isn’t it?

And if that black ass found Harry’s comments offensive then he should have had the guts to immediately say “Your Highness, that is highly inappropriate and offensive to me.”


And if he was too overawed by royalty to feel indignant at that precise moment then he should have atleast complained about it the same day or within the week.




However a few months later he decides to express his “outpouring of pain and anguish” to the tabloid, The News Of The World (with the 200,000 pounds fee no doubt helping him embalm his offended heart).


And in the latest twist, Stephen K Amos, the comedian at the centre of the latest row over Prince Harry and race, has tried to calm the outrage over the issue and joked the furore "is ruining my chances of an OBE”.



Suddenly he is worried about some award he may get.

I have many black friends and though one cannot generalize, they are most often than not, proud, honourable and above all fair guys.

Maybe Harry was correct about Stephen.



Maybe he did NOT sound like a black chap.


Till Next Time



Ciao



Vish

A FIRENZE (FRENZY) OF FASHION

Italians have always been known to be fashionable and so it was no surprise that on a trip to Italy i would get to see a whole lot of fashionable shops etc.

However while we were in Florence (or Firenze as its known in Italian which we found out the hard way when we could not find any train going to 'Florence') we passed through a street called Via De' Tornabuoni (see pic below) which is just about 50 meteres long and very old and narrow, paved with plain and presumably, old cobblestones. An alley actually.

However i have yet to see another street with such a density of high end fashion stores in such a small area.

Not in Paris (Champs Elysee is over-rated) not Rome (though the alley directly off the Spanish Steps comes pretty close). Rodeo Drive in LA maybe but i havent been there yet so for the moment this street is, for me, the "fashion street" of the world.

So much so that i had to make a collage of the pictures to fit them all in this one post.

Worth a visit.

On second thoughts, if you are on a honeymoon then it probably not a place to take the missus.

Ciao

Vish

THE REAL INDIA

Dear All,


The telecom company here has been doing some major upgrades to the network here in Abu Dhabi so we haven’t had a decent connection for the last 1 week. This morning too its pretty slow but am making the effort to post a quick blog .

Enjoy

Vish

During my last trip to Delhi I had the opportunity to visit Rishikesh. Now the drive from New Delhi to Rishikesh passes right through, what I believe is the heart of India. For those of us who visit the metros and other towns the experience is quite a head turner and pretty enlightening too.

As someone once said.
India lives in her villages.

And the villagers there are very very innovative.

My camera pics were quite shaky so the accompanied pics are courtesy of my bro-in-law-to-be Siddharth Raj Pradhan who is himself an avid photographer.

Pic 1:

This open hooded truck/tractor is actually a converted water pump. The people who have made this say that apart from being incredibly cheap it is also pretty powerful and judging by the number of people who were sitting in the back it seems like it too.

Pic 2:

I don’t know what engine they use or which company made the body but this cross between a Jeep & a toy car is also pretty common. Even though it doesn’t look like it can carry too many people at one time it seems it is pretty popular around the Meerut-Rourkee area.

Maybe its divine intervention that keeps it moving.

Javed Akhtar has never been my favourite lyricists but once in a while he does come up with some gems and so why not when its with his own daughter’s film too.





Luck by Chance has some of the best lines in recent memory but the one which stands out is Sapno Se Bhare Naina.

In these times of recession a para from that song can have so much meaning.


Below is a short antara with my own humble translation for those of you who dont 'get' hindi

Enjoy,

Vish

Bhool Hi Se, Sagar Jise, Har Koi Mane
Pani Hai Woh, Ya Reth Hai, Yeh Kon Jaane.

Jaise Ki Din Se Rain Alag Hai
Sukh Hai Alag Aur Chain Alag Hai

Par Jo Ye Dekha, Woh Nain Alag Hai
Chain To Hai Apna, Sukh hai Paraye

The shimmering thing you see

Is it a mirage or is it really water?

Just like day is different from night

Happiness is different and Peace of Mind is different.

But is takes a special person to see this.

Peace of Mind is in your hands, Happiness is not.

"YOU MAKE A LIVING BY WHAT YOU GET,
YOU MAKE A LIFE BY.... "

Dear All,

Once in a while we get a chance to step out of our furtunate walls and make a difference. A difference to those who really need our help.

Please take time to read the below and help in any way that you can...

Ciao

Vishal

-------------------------- * --------------------------

" My Name is Commando .. that's what I would like to call myself. I was born in a small village of Kerala. I belong to a middle class small family which includes my parents & my little sister. I completed my education from my village. After my higher secondary, I got selected in Parachute Regiment and completed my training with great enthusiasm in Bangalore. I was rewarded with special training at SFTW & finally I became one among the great 21 Para SF commandos. After participating in many operations & various adventurous courses in different places, I got a chance to serve in Bhutan also. I became a battle casuality in Op Parakram on 4th Oct 2002. After treatment & rehabilitation in BH Srinagar, AH (R&R) and MH Kirkee, I realized my physical status was not fit for duty as a commando as I had been rendered a paraplegic for life. A burning volcano in my mind, I voluntarily retired from service.
Paraplegic Rehabilitation Centre, Pune the blessed heaven for disabled soldiers gave me shelter, support & rehabilitation."

(From Commando's Blog)





You will hear several such similar real-life accounts when you visit the Paraplegic Rehabilitation Centre at Kirkee, Pune. With a paltry Rs. 4000 as pension, life for these braves and their families is indeed very difficult. Yet when you meet them, they will shake your hand firmly and give you that reassuring smile, telling you that a Soldier knows how to fight his own battles on the field and out of it. Guess who steps up to their cause ..none other than an illustrious North Pointer .. Ravi Thapa (who for many of us needs no introduction).




This is what he has to say:


"I have started a Tea Packing activity at the Paraplegic Rehabilitation Centre, Kirkee, Pune. This is a Charitable Public Trust which helps to rehabilitate Paraplegic and Quadriplegic ex-servicemen of the Indian Armed Forces, who are confined to wheelchairs as a result of injury to their spinal cord. I believe that a tea packaging activity is something which is honorable, has a growth potential and it also provides an opportunity for these men to supplement their pension by earning through this activity.We are confident of being able to sell our inaugural production of 100 tea CHESTLETS ( Small wooden boxes ) containing 125 grams of a blend of DARJEELING TEA (MRP RS. 200) on January 1, 2009. Sale proceeds will go to the 5 Quadriplegic ex-servicemen, after covering costs.


I will welcome your support , thoughts, recommendations and reference of persons like yourself to, unconditionally, help this activity grow so that more such people, their families and ,even , war widows could benefit. This is but a small gesture to try and appreciate their services and sacrifice.


Please send your enquiries ,address and payment to me at :

e-mail nutriprc09@gmail.com

A1-102, Nikash LawnsSus Road,
Pashan Pune 411 021
Maharashtra, India

Mobile : 98902 30396
Land Line :+ 91 20 25871224


If you wish to make an additional contribution to enable us to further rehabilitate and to mitigate the physical and psychological disability of these brave men, you may send your donations to the



PARAPLEGIC REHABILITATION CENTRE.


All donations are exempted tax under the Income Tax Act Section 80-G of Income Tax Act 1961.


I look forward, with enthusiasm and optimism, to your response and support.


A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and near and dear ones"


Another Ex-North Pointer R.R. Dasgupta's take:



"I can tell you that the tea is very fine quality Darjeeling Tea (I have purchased and consumed it). The packing is great (Cute little wooden chestlets with the Tea inside heat sealed foiled packets). They make a great corporate and personal gift. The cellophane wrapping on the chestlets can carry your logo or simply "Specially Packed For: " We are now looking to you to place your enquiries to help off-take the current production of 600 chestlets a month from the current unit. We also have plans for polypacking Assam and CTC Tea in the near future.



Your support will bring a lot of cheer to these brave soldiers and dignity to their difficult lives. In return they promise you a great cup of cheer.



P.S.


Paraplegic means that the persons lower portion has been rendered non functional


Quadriplegic means in addition the person has lost normal functionality of his hands

DISCONNECT TO REALITY

For all you (myself included) Facebook fans.....

The subtext says: Disconnect for a while. Read a Book.

Amen

Vishal

THE WORLD AS IT SHOULD BE

Sometimes even junk chain mails can be fun and inventive as this one which is a letter, allegedly written by the comedian John Cleese (knowing him its perfectly possible too)

Enjoy

Vish

A Message from John Cleese

To: The citizens of the United States of America:

Sub: Britain is Repossessing the U.S.A.

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA over the years and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy and Texas where George can continue to live).

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect.

At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.

South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us. No more Orange Bowl, Rose Bowl, Cereal Bowl or Super Bowl. From now on..... get used to the World Cup.

Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

God save the Queen.
Only HE can.

John Cleese