ONLY IN NEW YORK

HA HA, HE HE, HEY HEY, HO HO

I have mentioned many times over the last few years about this absolutely awesome website called "Overheard In New York" which lists random conversations overheard all around NY and submitted by fans of the site. Any one can submit and then the editors choose the best ones and post them on the site.

The conversations are hilarious alright but the ‘headlines’ that the editors at the site give it are sometimes even funnier (in red).

Enjoy and do remember to bookmark the site. On a depressing day there’s nothing better to perk you up than examples of fellow human beings spouting absolute nonsense.

Below are some of the choice ones from the last 3 weeks entries.

Enjoy & Luv

Vish

Eh, That Could Mean Anything.

Fat woman #1: Listen! I am telling you that that bitch stole my cat! I am absolutely positive that she mothafuckin' stole my cat!
Fat woman #2: Girl, she probably did, she's crazy. What made you so damn convinced that she did it?
Fat woman #1: Because I got a mothafuckin' text message from her sayin', "meow."

--Liquor Store, Brooklyn

...Like, One That Makes You Thin?

Woman: And she's dying from some disease.
Man: Well, is it a good disease?

--57th & 7th

That's Cold.

Younger pharmacy clerk: I'm cold.
Older pharmacy clerk: That's your problem.

--Duane Reade

How Kids Learn to Offer Bribes
Little boy, whispering to brother: That's a cop. He can arrest people.
(brother starts tickling little boy)
Little boy: Arrest him! Arrest him!
Cop: Sorry, kid. I'm off duty.

--5 Train

Supernanny Calls That "Time Out With Extreme Prejudice"

Dad to screaming kid: Stop screaming! Stop screaming! Do you want to go to time out?
Screaming kid to dad: It's too cold for time out!
Dad to screaming kid: Then we'll do it on the subway!
Screaming kid to dad: There's no time out on the subway!
Dad to screaming kid: There is if daddy leaves you on the train.

--42nd & 7th

Who Doesn't Love a Jazzhandjob?

Woman: You mean you didn't like having sex with her?
Man: Well, I mean, she was just too... jazzy afterwards.
Woman: Oh, I know. Don't worry, that's just how she is. I thought it was weird at first, too.
Man: Excuse me, when did you start fucking my girlfriends, you little whore?!

--Madison Square Garden

If I Could Read Minds, I Wouldn't Be Homeless, Ma'am

Hobo: Spare some change, ma'm?
Woman: Ugh, I don't have any change, I'm going to yoga. Why would I carry change if I'm going to yoga?

--The Strand

Romance in the times of Twilight.

Girl to boyfriend kissing her hand: Are you kissing my hand or wiping your nose?

--Central Park

Sit Your Ass Down, You Overcompliant Child

Mother to son, at semi-crowded subway: Where's Alliyah?
Son: I don't know, somewhere over there.
Mother: Alliyah!
(Alliyah walks over)
Mother: Where were you?
Alliyah: Over there.
Mother: Sitting down?
Alliyah: Yeah.
Mother: Then why'd you get up?
Alliyah: (shakes head and rolls eyes)

--F Train

How Was Your Martin Luther King Day, New York?

Nurse to Asian woman at free blood pressure screening: Ma'am, you need to get your high blood pressure checked out by a doctor.
Asian woman: No English.
Elderly black woman: I speak Chinese.
Nurse: Really?
Elderly black woman: Yeah. Ching-ching-ching!

--Harlem