ONLY IN NEW YORK

HA HA, HE HE, HEY HEY, HO HO

I have mentioned many times over the last few years about this absolutely awesome website called "Overheard In New York" which lists random conversations overheard all around NY and submitted by fans of the site. Any one can submit and then the editors choose the best ones and post them on the site.

The conversations are hilarious alright but the ‘headlines’ that the editors at the site give it are sometimes even funnier (in red).

Enjoy and do remember to bookmark the site. On a depressing day there’s nothing better to perk you up than examples of fellow human beings spouting absolute nonsense.

Below are some of the choice ones from the last 3 weeks entries.

Enjoy & Luv

Vish

Eh, That Could Mean Anything.

Fat woman #1: Listen! I am telling you that that bitch stole my cat! I am absolutely positive that she mothafuckin' stole my cat!
Fat woman #2: Girl, she probably did, she's crazy. What made you so damn convinced that she did it?
Fat woman #1: Because I got a mothafuckin' text message from her sayin', "meow."

--Liquor Store, Brooklyn

...Like, One That Makes You Thin?

Woman: And she's dying from some disease.
Man: Well, is it a good disease?

--57th & 7th

That's Cold.

Younger pharmacy clerk: I'm cold.
Older pharmacy clerk: That's your problem.

--Duane Reade

How Kids Learn to Offer Bribes
Little boy, whispering to brother: That's a cop. He can arrest people.
(brother starts tickling little boy)
Little boy: Arrest him! Arrest him!
Cop: Sorry, kid. I'm off duty.

--5 Train

Supernanny Calls That "Time Out With Extreme Prejudice"

Dad to screaming kid: Stop screaming! Stop screaming! Do you want to go to time out?
Screaming kid to dad: It's too cold for time out!
Dad to screaming kid: Then we'll do it on the subway!
Screaming kid to dad: There's no time out on the subway!
Dad to screaming kid: There is if daddy leaves you on the train.

--42nd & 7th

Who Doesn't Love a Jazzhandjob?

Woman: You mean you didn't like having sex with her?
Man: Well, I mean, she was just too... jazzy afterwards.
Woman: Oh, I know. Don't worry, that's just how she is. I thought it was weird at first, too.
Man: Excuse me, when did you start fucking my girlfriends, you little whore?!

--Madison Square Garden

If I Could Read Minds, I Wouldn't Be Homeless, Ma'am

Hobo: Spare some change, ma'm?
Woman: Ugh, I don't have any change, I'm going to yoga. Why would I carry change if I'm going to yoga?

--The Strand

Romance in the times of Twilight.

Girl to boyfriend kissing her hand: Are you kissing my hand or wiping your nose?

--Central Park

Sit Your Ass Down, You Overcompliant Child

Mother to son, at semi-crowded subway: Where's Alliyah?
Son: I don't know, somewhere over there.
Mother: Alliyah!
(Alliyah walks over)
Mother: Where were you?
Alliyah: Over there.
Mother: Sitting down?
Alliyah: Yeah.
Mother: Then why'd you get up?
Alliyah: (shakes head and rolls eyes)

--F Train

How Was Your Martin Luther King Day, New York?

Nurse to Asian woman at free blood pressure screening: Ma'am, you need to get your high blood pressure checked out by a doctor.
Asian woman: No English.
Elderly black woman: I speak Chinese.
Nurse: Really?
Elderly black woman: Yeah. Ching-ching-ching!

--Harlem

ITS A QUESTION OF A QUESTION.
EK SAWAAL KA SAWAAL HAI

After the last few morose topic I thought I’d give you some light things to ponder over.

Here are some Questions you just CAN'T answer (and if you can then do write back to let me know).

You dont need to ponder too much... they are all in a light vein... remember "Agar Rupa ki baniyan pehnoge toh.....toh...toh..Rupa kya Pehnegi??""

Enjoy.

Luv

Vish





Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? What does he shave with?




Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?




Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?




Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?




Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?




You know the speed of Light but what is the speed of darkness?




Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?




Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? (LOL....I know it is not really a question but I couldnt resist this one.)




How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?



Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?



Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?



Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?



Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? He he he



Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!



If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (Dont answer that..)



If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?



If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? (Again. Try and refrain)



Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?



Does pushing the lift button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why do the Alphabet song (ABCD..EFG...HIJK...LMNOP) and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?



Now Stop singing and get back to work.......

Actor Dies After being tasered.

DEATH WATCH. WATCH DEATH. QUITE LITERALLY.


Its always sad when someone dies but even more so when it could have been avoided.


A porn actor, Andrew Grande, was pronounced dead this morning at a Florida hospital.

The 23-year-old was in the middle of filming a new reality show when he got into an argument with a girl. Someone reported the disturbance and when the cops arrived one of the police officers tried to arrest Andrew.

He resisted and quickly shoved something in his mouth, which was later found to be Marijuana.

And that's when things turned deadly for him.

Since he was resisting arrest, one of the officers 'tasered' him to restrain him, but the jolt forced the contents in his mouth to lodge in his throat and he began to choke.

The officers desperately tried to save him by using the Hiemlich maneuver but the bag was just too big and by the time the paramedics arrive, he had already passed out. He was dead by the time they reached the hospital.

And just because he was in the middle of reality show, there is footage of the entire ordeal, which you can watch below.

I must warn you that it's pretty disturbing and not very easy to watch and for that matter i cant even believe the cameraman kept shooting.

So Sad & So Tragic.


Vish


IMP: VIEWER DISCRETION STRICTLY ADVISED.

Cry Baby Over Milk

YET ANOTHER MILK STORY...

A Company called E-Trade debuted an ad during this year's Super Bowl.

And at this stage if you dont follow american football or have any kind of interest in Lindsay Lohan its probably a good idea to stop reading.

Anyway the ad shows 2 kids (babies actually) video chatting.

The boyfriend had apparantly not shown up the previous night for a date with his girlfriend and claims he was working on "diversifying his portfolio" on E-Trade.

The suspecting girlfriend then asks..

"And that Milk-o-holic Lindsay wasnt there??"

Even as the flustered boyfriend is asking "Lindsay???" UP pops a baby girl's head onto the screen saying angrily "Milk-o WHAT??"

Now Miss Lindsay Lohan has had her troubles with the paps with her boozing and alcoholism so she claims that they were mocking her in that ad and wants a cool $100 Million as compensation.

And quite incredibly she also goes on to claim that like Oprah and Cher she too is known world wide by just her first name.

Yeah....Maybe in Cuckoo-Land.

Anyway she claims she saw the ad and called her mommy in tears asking;

"Mommy, mommy how can anyone be so rude?"

Cry-o-holic Anyone???

Enjoy the ad.

Luv

Vish

Honey, I Sprayed the Cops

THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS ??

Wow. Sometimes there comes a bit of news which just makes you speechless.
Seriously. There really isn't much you can say except state the facts and here they are.

An woman in Arizona, USA (where else), was arrested for public intoxication Friday night and taken to jain. There she was given a prison uniform to change into and while doing that she apparantly "sprayed" the cop who was booking her in the face with BREAST MILK!!!

Seriously. SERIOUSLY.

What is wrong with some people?!!

And it gets crazier here.

Apparantly in the USA (again, where else) breast milk is considered as third degree assault in a court of law and so the crazy woman got another charge added.

Over here all i can say is that I dont know what i'm more surprised about.

That something like this could even happen or the fact that it has happened often enough for there to be legislation about it.

WOW.

And that poor cop???

He had to be DECONTAMINATED!!

Check out the news below.... unfortunately they still have not released the cctv tapes from the prison of the actual 'act'.

Enjoy

Vish

CRAZY IS AS CRAZY DOES

FARM ANY BABIES TODAY?

I am in the mood for some net-lecturing today.

Have we seriously gone net-crazy?

By now many of you must have heard of the South Korean couple who let their 3 month old baby daughter die of starvation only because they were too busy raising their ‘virtual’ child online. Both unemployed, they would spend 6-8 hours in the nearby internet café where they were obsessed with a role-playing game called “Prius Online” in which they nurtured a virtual girl named ‘Anima’.

Bottle feeding the poor baby only once everyday, they spent hours upon hours online making sure that ‘Anima’ got her virtual milk on time.

On September 24th when they returned home after spending the whole night at the internet café they found their poor baby dead and promptly went into hiding at a relative’s home from where they had the cheek to issue a statement.

It said: “I’m sorry to my daughter and hope she doesn’t get sick in heaven.”

Now let that be a lesson to all of you who spend hours on your ‘farms’.

Your children & family may not exactly be starving for food but they are starving nonetheless.

Starving for your time and attention.

Think of all the real things you can do for your family and loved ones the next time you go to plant some virtual ‘strawberries’.

BTW did you notice that in that report about the Korean case the virtual baby was called “Anima” but there was no mention of the poor ‘real’ baby’s name.

Neither by the reporters nor by the parents in their statement.

And That’s Sad. Very Very Sad.

Till next time and hopefully some better news.

Luv

Vish

P.S. How many of you were thinking of Googling ‘Prius Online’ even while you were reading the article above? Shame On You.

Anti Smoking

"I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPs

WITH THAT CIGARETTE"



An anti-smoking campaign in France has just released a series of posters to get teenagers to stop smoking.





As I'm sure you've now noticed, that the ads liken the act of 'sexual submission' (or oral sex to be more precise) to that of inhaling tar.

Since all of us dont really read French, the slogan on these ads reads:

"Smoking means being a slave to tobacco."

Naturally it goes without saying that people are pissed, calling the ads "inappropriate" and "counterproductive," but the head of the Non-Smoker' Rights Association, Remi Parola, says the ads were a necessary step to reaching out to the youth demographic:

"We noticed that the traditional anti-smoking campaigns no longer got across amongst the youth. We thus had to use another way in order to raise awareness…We were surprised by the extent of the media buzz. But it's above all a message of public health that got across."

Plain Cancer stories are obviously not effective anymore and hardly gets their attention and while this ad has certainly gotten their attention, the proverbial million dollar question is, is it effective?

What do U think?

Will it make a difference to teenagers?

Till Next Time

Vish