AIDS KILLS.

This is not fear mongering but a simple fact of life.

BE SAFE. STAY ALIVE.

USE A CONDOM.

MISINFORMATION AND NON-AWARENESS ABOUT AIDS KILLS MORE PEOPLE.

SPREAD THE MESSAGE.

SAVE LIVES.



Break Ke Baad: Movie Review

How About Giving The Audience a Break.

BREAK KE BAAD

*ing Imran Khan, Deepika Padukone, Sharmila Tagore

Music: Vishal Shekar

Directed by: Danish Aslam

Lilette Dubey is walking around among racks of clothes with an assistant.

A young girl comes up to her holding a blouse and complains,
"This is too loose.”

With a perfect mix of exasperation and derision in her voice, Lilette deadpans
“Someone get her some bigger boobs.”

Such a terrific line deserves a much better movie.

Break ke Baad is essentially about 2 losers.


Gulati (Imran) who is a sad little clingy puppy and Aaliya (Deepika) who is a lying scheming bitch.

It’s hard therefore to warm to such characters.

Obviously inspired by the Adi Chopra- Karan Johar school of filmmaking, this is a poor imitation with even poorer characters.

During an extended title sequence we see the 2 grow up as children when they shared Mr. India dialogues to their teenage years where they both jump on trampolines (here a young Imran is played by the cute kid from Kuch Kuch and Fanaa who has now grown into an awkward, lanky teen with a surprisingly hairy back).


Then come the lead pair.
Imran as a sentimental romantic who drives a yellow beetle and who ought to grow some balls and Deepika as a deflowered bitch who smokes cigars and calls her mother by her first name.

Changing gender characteristics must have seemed great on paper but is a total misfit when executed on screen.

Deepika has long legs. Seriously long legs. And that’s always an asset to have when our acting isn’t very good. Flaunt your legs to distract from your acting.
Ask Bipasha, she’s been doing it for almost a decade now.

So when Deepika tries to be sassy and comes across as sour-pussy just ignore her and focus on her legs.
If you really like your girls sassy, get a DVD instead and watch Jab We Met.

And which young Indian calls her mother (Sharmila Tagore as Ayesha) by her first name?

That’s not sassy, that’s just bad upbringing.

 The only good part about this mother-daughter story is that their being muslim is never made obvious. Infact till Sharmila talked about her ‘Abbu & Amma’ I hadn’t even thought of them as Mozzys. For a Hindi film this is certainly a big deal. After all isn’t that how we live our lives? Thank god for small mercies.


Imran helps his father run a cinema and seems bored doing so while Deepika wants to be an actress which her mom disapproves of. The mom seems pretty open minded and modern so I was not really sure why she disapproved? Maybe having been a superstar herself, she could see that her daughter’s acting abilities were limited.
Maybe…
Who knows?
Frankly, who cares?

Anyway she goes off to study Mass Comm at the Gold Coast University and puppy dog follows her there when he suspects she maybe be being screwed ‘in queue’.

Initially he drives taxis and even works at some forklift operation inside the airport. Driving License, Security Clearance… what’s that? Bollywood has never heard of these things.

Anyway there he finds his true calling and becomes a chef and opens many restaurants.

She meanwhile walks across a stage at a college play as an Egyptian (but dressed as a Greek) and gets offered an international film because, as the casting director helpfully informs us, they need an Asian character. Never mind the fact that while shooting the film she seems to be dressed more like an African safari than ‘Asian character’.

Once again people this is Bolywood so screw you for looking for reason and plausibility.
Characters here don’t have enough money for rent but get a beachside villa for 100$ a month. They fly business class to and from Australia like they were going from Chandni Chowk to Connaught Place.

 But by this time you are past caring…... About 2 ½ hours into a movie if your nachos have more crunch than the storyline….its usually not a good sign.

At one point when Imran is gloomily sitting after a break up, Lilette sighs at the drama queen and mutters.


“I blame these directors who keep re-making Devdas and turning our youth into such miserable characters”

Maybe she should look at blaming some other movies.

Afterall Devdas has only been remade thrice.

This DDLJ inspired trend however, seems to be never ending.

Kuch Kuch Hota Tha…… Aaj kal…. kuch bhi nahi.

Do ungrateful girls deserve diamonds???

UNGRATEFUL LITTLE WRETCH

Indian ads by and large are pretty good and constantly up to international standards where wit and originality are concerned. And yet a few slip through the net.


Last evening I was watching TV and multitasking as usual.

Unless it’s a really good program or something very interesting I usually do something while watching TV. Sometimes I’m on the laptop surfing the net and chatting with friends or most often I have a magazine or newspaper at hand. During ad breaks I usually continue reading till something catches my ear.
And most of the time it’s the really good things that get my attention.
Last night was the opposite.
There is a jewelry company called PC jewelers and their new ad is just plain stupid.


It begins with the wife at the mirror while the hubby is lying in bed.


“Your ears look rather small” he teases her.
“You should have seen that last year before we got married” she shoots back a trifle irritated.


He then places a beautiful diamond and emerald earring on her ear. She oohs and aahs.

Next Scene:


“Your wrists look a little small” he continues teasing her.
“You didn’t say that when we were dating” says stupid wifey who not only seems to have forgotten the earring she got but also the fact that it was a similar teasing which had gotten her those earrings.

As expected he slips a diamond and emerald bangle on her wrists.


Next Scene:


“Your neck is looking very thin” says the adoring hubby.
“Why did you marry me then” says the crazy bitch who clearly doesn’t deserve any of the expensive baubles that hubby dearest seems to be bestowing on her.


Of course he does slip on a huge whopper of a necklace round the neck of a wife who is either very very slow witted or just a bitchy shrew.

Crazy Woman!

If you are going to have s tory in your ad, is it too much to expect it to be sensible?

He should have just wrung her neck and given the jewelry to another girl.


Now THAT would have made a great ad.

a new beginning

"The secret to a rich life is to have more beginnings than endings."

- Dave Weinbaum

Dear All,

Welcome to the new look of the blog.

Its been many years and so i thought i'd revamp the blog a bit.... change a few colours, a few designs but the quality and style of writing (for better or worse) will remain the same.

Hope you like it and thank you once again for your regular visits. I promise to be more regular from now onwards.

With Luv as Always.

Vish







Guzaarish: Movie Review

GUZAARISH

*ing Hrithik Roshan, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan

Music & Directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali

When Guzaarish opens there isn’t the long mandatory casting, it’s just the producer’s logos and then the title and then the screen goes black. Pitch black.

Then somewhere from near the left, the screen seems to almost tear towards the middle and you realize its Sophia (Aishwarya) drawing the curtain in a paralyzed Ethan Mascarenes' (Hrithik's) room. Then with the eternal Charlie Chaplin song Smile (from Modern Times) playing you see a montage of shots of Ash caring for the quadriplegic Hrithik.

The movie is filled with such similarly stunning scenes which look like gorgeous paintings.

Sanjay Leela Bhansali can certainly frame a scene.

Pity there is not much more that he seems to be able to do anymore.

He is certainly not without talent. His Khamoshi (about the deaf & dumb) was way superior to the overrated and over styled Black and his Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam had more pain & longing than in all the garishness of Devdas. But here he seems to be like a wannabe European director.

I don’t want to sound elitist here but I have a strange theory.

All vernacular students always say they are as good if not better than the convent educated ones. Rich, spoilt snobs is what they usually refer to them as but somewhere deep down this animosity hides a want on their part to belong too.

To be one of the boys, to speak English as comfortably, to flaunt labels with élan (why else do you think small town boys and girls love their fake Versace’s and D&G’s).

SLB is also a small town boy and after his initial commercial success he has started to crave for critical acclaim. He wants to be the Indian Zeffirelli, the Indian Kurosawa, the Indian Kieslowski. It would be so much better if he just tried to be the Indian Bhansali.

Calling Bhansali a wannabe is probably a bit strong but just look at Guzaarish.

Hrithik’s house looks like an old church on the exterior but is styled like a Tuscan villa on the inside, the characters speak more in English than Hindi, they are all named Rosy, Maria, Sophia, Ethan or Neville, Ash plays a nurse but is dressed like a Spanish flamenco dancer who is ready to burst into song and dance at any moment (which incidentally she does do), her hair and make up is so perfect it’s a wonder she finds time to attend to him (which is probably why the poor guy hasn’t shown any improvement in 12 years) and with such a repertoire of Indian music at his disposal and for a avowed fan of Lata Mangeshker its strange he needs to use English songs like ‘Smile’ and ‘Wonderful Life’ (sung by Hrithik himself and sounding much better than his disastrous singing debut where he had droned on and on about some ‘Kites in The Sky’).

Hrithik is a very good actor and when he is not grinning maniacally, he actually manages to convey a lot of the pain and suffering like at the end of the Udi song or when he is interacting with Omar. But these moments are far and few in between.

Which brings us to Aditya Roy Kapoor.

This boy has a lot of talent and behind that strange afro is also a very camera friendly and charismatic person. He manages to steal almost every scene he is in and with Ash and Hrithik its saying a lot.

The Kingfisher swimsuit model Monikangana Dutta also makes her debut and while she hardly has a couple of scenes she is not as wooden as most models usually are. Infact when she is dancing (by the way why are Magicians dancing anyway) with Hrithik on stage she actually reminds you of heroines from the past. There is a certain timeless quality about her face.

Ash is as beautiful as ever but has matured into a more sensuous beauty and in some scenes she actually reminds you of Penelope Cruz in Almodovar’s films. But all she seems to be doing in Guzaarish is flashing her eyes; at Ethan, at Omar, at the Lawyer, at the Judge, at the servants, at everyone, so much so that when her husband arrives towards the end and slaps her, you almost thank him for putting us out of this misery of bad acting.

It is much easier to relate to a poor hardworking nurse if she is dressed like one and not in monochromed Sabyasachi creations.

Hell in the last scene she is dressed like a Latin seductress with Ukrainian hair.

Is there anything good about the movie I hear you ask?

Well there is a short 3 minute dance solo that’s shot like a dream with Hrithik floating and dancing with a ball and somehow not managing to look like a pansy.

There’s Ash dancing with her hands in a bar called Martins but which strangely has a big Buddha head on stage.

There’s the set design which, in isolation, is beautiful to look at. Isolation being the operative work here as it has no correlation to Ethan's supposed financial condition.

The saddest part is the whole thing about euthanasia. This has been trivialized so much that you wonder if it is just a plot move to dramatize the whole movie.

Of all quadriplegics, Ethan seems to have the least reason to petition for mercy killing.

He seems to be hale and hearty (inspite of what the podgy doc keeps popping up to tell us), he has the latest breath activated wheelchair, he has a nurse who hasn’t taken leave in 12 years and for a paralyzed man who cant tell when he has passed urine or stool he seems to always get aroused while getting a massage...... so apart from sheer boredom and/or sexual frustration I didn’t see why he needed to die so urgently.

Hell, he even has a radio show of his own. He is a frickin celebrity RJ.

The court scenes are a joke. The first one at court has the 2 lawyers behaving like juvenile kids emotionally screaming in the absence of sane argument. Then after Sophia has had her moment of screaming at the judge (in English) the next court scene moves to Ethan’s house.

Why?

Apparently because His Honor felt sorry for Ethan's outing but also because why should Bhansali have the drab courtroom and the dreary dock when he can frame his characters in the courtyard of the Mediterranean villa with Ethan seated at the foot of a sweeping staircase.

Its frivolous nonsense like this that makes this movie so sad.

Pretentious. Pretentious. Pretentious.

Shit even Golmaal is better than this. At least it’s not trying to be something it isn’t.

If we all petition Bhansali for a better movie next time will he listen to our Guzaarish?

If wishes were horses even Ethan would ride.

G'bye till next time.

Movie Review: Dabangg

HOW DO U SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE DABANGG???

HOW D O U CATCH A CLOUD AND PIN IT DOWN??

DABANGG

*Salman Khan, Salman Khan & Salman Khan

Music: Sajid Wajid

Directed by: Abhinav Kashyap

Salman Khan can do many things.

Act, Cry & Dance may not be some of those things and for an actor you’d be forgiven for thinking that it would be catastrophic but fear not because he can do a few other things that a few other actors cannot do.

Strut, Prance and Swagger.

And trust me, no one in Bollywood can do it like him (except maybe for Akshay Kumay on a good day).

Dabangg is a movie with a storyline so clichéd that many times it just does away with the whole pretence and just lets the main actor flounce around the screen. And boy-o-boy does Salman do it well.

Taking off from last year’s Wanted this is what (and here is where the filter coffee drinkers begin to swear and rant at me) the Rajnikants, the Chiranjeevis et al from the south have been doing for ages. And very successfully too.

The multiplexes are very city centric and as much as the audiences love their New Yorks and their Genevas where they hope to take their holidays, their hearts actually beat for the heart of India.

India is the only place where they will settle down for good.

They will carry the latest Birkens and Vuittons but the money that comes out of that will still pay for the bhelpuris.

‘Ravioli a la Toscana’ sounds very fancy on the lips but the tongue will still crave for vada-pau and puchka.

Dabangg is so desi and yet packaged so well that even Multiplex (and Overseas) audiences are flocking to the theatres. That bhojpuri guy, Ravi Krishan has been doing it for ages but it took a Salman to make it fashionable.

I can imagine many rich young kids congregate in their latest cars at the hippest clubs wearing the latest labels, suddenly proud to be part of the desi experience. Enjoying what they always turned down their noses at.

Dabangg is pure heartland masala fare which with Salman’s star power is suddenly palatable to the snobs too. Desi chic if you may.


The dialogues are cheesy, the moves even more so but then again Salman does it so well you cant help but laugh at the whole experience and in between the laughs you realize you’ve actually enjoyed the movie.

The music is also pretty good this time round but Munni is a disappointment.

A major one.

Malaika is OLD.

She’s lost so much weight that she looks haggard. The oomph that an item number requires is sorely missing.
And its ironic that the best item number that bollywood has produced to date (Chhaiya Chhaiya) also starred Malaika. What a pity.

And apart from a great tune a song also needs to have great writing to sustain it and make it truly memorable. It isn’t a coincidence then that 3 of the greatest item numbers have been penned by the incomparable Oscar winner Gulzar.

Chhaiya Chhaiya

Kajra Ke and

Beedi Jalaile.

Sonakshi Sinha (Shatrughan’s daughter) makes her debut here and thankfully unlike her brother Luv (who also made his debut a few months back in a movie whose name I can barely even remember) she can act. Her role is half baked but she manages to makes a mark. And in this Salman lovefest that’s saying a lot. Girl’s got great presence.

And great eyes. Tere Mast Mast Do Nain….Mere Dil Ka Le gaye Chain.

She can do the Vidya Balan type of roles and again like Ms. Balan, if she tries short skirts and looking hot she’s gonna fail bad.

So is this the way Bollywood is headed?

I hope not.

Paapri Chaat is great fun no doubt but now that we’ve also had a taste of the pasta lets embrace the variety.

Every other movie can't be a Dabangg. We’d die of boredom.

Have heard Dhobi Ghaat is great.

Till next time…


As usual

Luv

Vish

FLIGHTS OF FANCY
(with excerpts from the New York Times)

It has certainly been a long time since a “Flight Attendant” was a glamorous job title. When people dressed up to travel and when the journey was as important as the destination.

With cheap airfares and budget airlines, everybody seems to be flying.

The hours are long, the passengers are crass (this is the most polite word I could find), children are let loose everywhere and then there is the security.

Take off shoes; Take off belt; Take off ugly clothes (ok I made up the last one but dont you wish it were so).

It must certainly make some of the crew just put up their hands and go:-
“TO HELL WITH IT”







And on Monday, at Kennedy International Airport, a JetBlue attendant named Steven Slater did just that.

When the plane had just landed and was still taxing, a passenger stood to fetch his luggage.

Now how many times have we all seen this? And every time I always end up asking myself 'Where are those dudes off to? What can be the hurry?'.

As the American newspaper report goes:-

“So the passenger got out of his seat to retrieve his belongings from the overhead compartment before the crew had given permission. Mr. Slater instructed the man to remain seated. The passenger defied him. Mr. Slater reached the passenger just as he pulled down his luggage, which struck Mr. Slater in the head. Mr. Slater asked for an apology. The passenger cursed at him instead.”

And what Mr. Slater did next is what all of us at various times have also dreamed of doing.

He calmly stepped back, went over to the plane’s galley, got onto the plane's PA system and cursed the bloody hell out of the passenger for all to hear.

“I’ve had 20 years in the airline industry,” he screamed at the end, "and it's ENOUGH!"




Not sure if this public outburst was enough he then pulled the lever that activates the emergency-evacuation chute and slid down, making a fantastically dramatic exit not only from the plane but, I imagine, also from his airline career.

Oh and by the way, on his way out of the door, he paused and grabbed a can of beer from the beverage cart.

After sliding down the chute he then ran to the employee parking lot and drove off home where the cops were waiting for him.



He was arrested at his home and charged with felony counts of criminal mischief and reckless endangerment.

According to his online profiles, Mr. Slater has been the leader of JetBlue's uniform redesign committee and a member of the airline's in-flight values committee.

Neighbors in California, where Mr. Slater grew up, said he had recently been caring for his dying mother, a retired flight attendant, and had done the same for his father, a pilot.

Postscript: A neighbour reported later that “Mr. Slater had a big wide smile on his face when the cops brought him out, like, 'Yeah, big deal.' "

And meanwhile a former flight attendant, Janet Bavasso, who lives next door to Mr. Slater in New York, found nothing mysterious at all.

"Enough is enough -- good for him," Ms. Bavasso said. "If he would have called me, I would have picked him up from the airport myself."

Next time you reach for the overhead baggage, think about the crew and if you really want to risk the move…

Do you? Do You? DO YOU?

GO AHEAD PUNK…. MAKE HIS DAY.

Munni is Really Badnaam Now

GIVE A DOG A BONE-R

IT seems semi-naked women strutting their stuff is not enough for music video makers anymore.

In the song Uai Maa from the album Uai Maa Uai Maa (why twice?), which will release next month, some cheap 'model' named Survi Chatterjee will be seen travelling the world in search of a man who can 'satisfy' her.

Unsuccessful in her quest, she returns to India and romances Bhojpuri actor Raja Chaudhary (of Shweta Tiwari beating fame) but he too fails to give her the pleasure she wants.

Finally, she is seen kissing a dog all over and then making love to it under the sheets.



Not surprisingly, the news of the video hasn't gone down well with animal rights activists.

Survi, who incidentally has been in the news for filing cases of molestation against her boyfriend and a producer, said, "My intention is not to hurt anyone's sentiments. An animal can't speak on its own, but it needs love too. We have shown how much we love animals in our video."

The problem is that her idea of 'showing love' seems to be more tuned towards bestiality than the affection and bonding normal people feel for their 4 legged friends.

"The theme is about me not finding a good person even after travelling the world. Finally I find a dog that is better than men and love it instead," she added forgetting to add that she decided to do it under the sheets.

As much as i hate them, where are Raj Thackeray's men at times like these.






Meanwhile..... in civilised A-List productions we have more crazy happening.

In the new movie Dabangg there is an Item number called Munni Badnaam Hui where the lyrics seem to plunge new depths of nonsense.

Munni Badnaam Hui... Daaarling Tere Liye.
Main Zandu Balm Hui... Daaarling Tere Liye

Even if you can stop scratching your head over how someone can become 'Zandu Balm', ponder on this...

Who is the hero?

Salman Khan.

Who is the item girl dancing lewdly all over him?

His sister-in-law Malaika Arora Khan.

Maybe he should have just danced with the dog.

Just saying....

Luv

Vish

The Bollywoodisation of News

IDIOT IS AS IDIOT DOES.

WHAT ASSES?

Bollywood has taken over even natural calamities.

A few days back an unprecedented cloudburst over Ladakh led to more than 200 deaths and hundreds more are missing. The airport at Leh (the highest in India) was partially washed away making relief and evacuation flights difficult. Thousands of people are still stranded with no food or essential supplies

But what did the news channels and media lead with?

"RANCHO'S SCHOOL WASHED AWAY! " screamed the headlines and the bloke on India TV even managed to tensely remind us that the school where 3 Idiots was shot and where Rancho taught was washed away but, he helpfully added, the students were safe.

Then to reinforce that fact they kept showing clips of the movie with the children’s (actors in the movie) heads circled in red forgetting perhaps that those kids were probably not actually students of the school or for the matter that Rancho is just a fictional character.

Zee News (which seems determined to plough the depths of banality) went a step further.

“The children are safe,” said the wide eyed anchor, and then with an expression, which was supposed to be distressed but which just came across as cross eyed and cross browed, asked in breathless anticipation, “but what about Centimeter?”

For those of you who haven’t watched the movie, Centimeter is the chottu tea boy from the college who later joins Aamir Khan in Ladakh but who most certainly is NOT still actually working there as a teaching assistant.

WTF?

Somehow after this, ‘IDIOT’ seems too tame a name for these weirdoes on TV.

What have we come to? Seriously.

Can’t we even digest news if not coated within a bollywood context?

Have we really become that dumb or for that matter that heartless?

THINK.

Coz those news anchors certainly don’t.

FYI: The school’s actual name is The Druk Pema School and is (or was) situated 15km outside Leh town on the Leh-Manali highway.


Till next time...

Luv

Vish

Donkey forced to parasail

DONKEY KONG

I dont know if you managed to catch this bit of news but last week animal lovers were left aghast when news reports came in from Russia that a donkey was forced to parasail. Yes you heard right. PARASAIL!

Russian holidaymakers at a beach were left shocked after a donkey was forced to parasail off a beach as part of a sick advertising stunt.

The animal, braying in terror, soared above the southern village of Golubitskaya while crying children below echoed its screams.

The stunt – intended to attract people into parasailing at a private beach club – backfired after police began investigating allegations of animal cruelty.

The animal eventually landed back on the shoreline in an ‘atrocious manner’ after being dragged through the water and sunbathers rushed to rescue the frightened donkey and were lucky to stop it from drowning.


‘The donkey screamed and children cried,’ said a regional police spokeswoman in what must certainly be an understatement.

But even more disturbingly no-one had the brains to call police.

Instead people reached for their cameras and bombarded a local newspaper with phone calls.

Russian police last night admitted that the trail has gone cold as they hunt to find the donkey owner, who was responsible for the horrific animal abuse.

'He has done a runner, he has gone into hiding,' said a police spokesman.

Another officer said: 'It’s amazing that onlookers didn’t knock his teeth out there and then. But in fact no-one complained, not a single person.'

And now after its readers expressed their horror and concern for the donkey, the SUN newspaper of the UK has bought and brought the donkey to London.

I seriously dont know what is more disturbing.

The fact that the poor Ass was forced to fly or that the Ass has now become a global celebrity.

Your thoughts??

Till Next Time

Luv as Usual

Vish

Movie Review: I Hate Luv Storys

A LOVE-HATE MOVIE

I HATE LUV STORYS

* Imran Khan, Sonam Kapoor, Samir Dattani

Music - Vishal Shekhar

Director: Punit Malhotra

In an upcoming film (Once Upon A Time In Mumbai) there is a song where one of the lines goes like this:

“Tere sang chain bhi mujhko, tere sang bekarari hai.” (With you I find contentment and with you restlessness too.)

Watching I Hate Luv Storys I had a similar experience.

For its genre and for what it was promising to be, it was a fair deal. And yet there were moments when my concentration was wandering and I was left thinking of various other things like did i turn off the lights in my flat or should i go for indian or chinese after the movie (food that is in case you are wondering).
And like I’ve always said, whenever that happens at the movies it is never a good sign.

IHLS is not a bad film. Infact it has many things going for it, like a soundtrack that’s both rocking and soulful, lead actors who are photogenic and from the yuppie gen-x, costumes, art direction, cinematography everything is top notch, but all the individual parts somehow don’t come together as a cohesive whole.

Imran Khan playing J or Jay Dhingra looks fairer, prettier and more delicate than Sonam and I suspect the director realized this and in many scenes he’s made to sport a stubble. He is very earnest and can act well too but the guy seriously needs to get two things in control. His Pout and his Eyebrows. In many scenes, his (extremely bushy) eyebrows seem to be acting independently of the rest of his face.

Fascinating? Yes! Interesting ?? NO. Unless you happen to be a hair care specialist.

And then there is the pout. With Imran (and I guess the tween girls must love that very pout) it has always been quite pronounced but more so when he is lip synching to the songs. Watch him in the title track and during ‘Sadka Kiya’. Nemo pouts less than Imran.

Sonam Kapoor plays the filmy Simran (presumably after Kajol’s character in DDLJ). Last year in the Indian version of GQ, the irrepressible Shoobaa De was asked to comment on the current crop of heroines and for Sonam, she had this to say: “Pretty but Very Boring and with Zero Sex Appeal.”

Well, what can I say to top that?

Don’t get me wrong, Sonam is very pretty (and fashionable) but there is something very ‘behenji’ about her that never seems to transcend into a matinee idol status. In the Sadka Kiya song, she is dressed in the obligatory chiffon sarees with blouses that look suspiciously like bikini tops and yet as she reclines on an artistically placed dead-wood she arouses no passion whatsoever. Kajol & Kareena can show more oomph with a glance. For me Sonam is the A-List version of Amrita Rao.

Samir Dattani plays Sonam’s fiancée Raj and his character is again so one dimensional that right from the time he comes on screen with his fugly shirt you know he doesn’t stand a chance in hell. I know he’s the second lead and that J and Simran are meant for each other but when will Bollywood learn that when you begin to flesh out the secondary characters, you make us care more about the turns in the story. Poor Raj here is such a caricature that you never feel for Simran & J’s breakups simply because you know Simran cant possibly love that cardboard cut out that is Raj.

J’s friend. I don’t know his name but the fat friend gets some of the movie’s best lines and rocks them every time. His delivery, timing, expressions are all spot on. When the usually non-sentimental J begins to fall in love and comes rushing into the office asking where’s Simran, Fatty deadpans “Kyun, kya tu uske baache ki maa banne wala hai?” (Why, are you pregnant with her child?) or the time when he shows J his hilarious and yet apt graph about the Hot quotient of girls versus their ‘natak’ and somehow how this is all tied up in Profit and Loss.

TV star Aamir Ali plays the Movie star in IHLS and he is suitably wacky and obnoxious. I don’t know if he was modeled on Salman Khan but he brings the house down when he parades around in tight jeans because the girls allegedly ‘love his tight butt’.

Music: Vishal Shekhar give what is probably their best soundtrack ever. The title song is rocking and Bahara, Bin Tere and Sadka Kiya are all very hummable and memorably picturized. On the album Bahara has a Chill version sung but Rahat Fateh Ali Khan and it’s a surprise this is not used in the movie. Its much better than the Shreya Ghosal one.

The director is Punit Malhotra who’s the nephew of fashion designer Manish Malhotra and so the look of the film is great with tees and skirts snug and fitting but somehow the script seems a little loose.

Great to look at and a not a bad way to pass the time at the cinemas but IHLS leaves you a little ‘bekerar’ for more.

Simran looks pretty, J looks prettier and Raj is Fugly. But Love & Passion?? Naa! Not in this movie.

But can you blame them?

After all the title song HAD warned us…

“Mil gaye jo chora chori,
Hui masti thodi thodi.
Bas Pyar ka naam na lena,
I Hate Luv Storys.”

A MODERN FAIRY TALE?

WAS CINDERELLA FILIPINO??





On some of the regional channels (MBC2 & MBC4) there is an ad for a home shopping network/program.

It shows a Filipino maid vacuuming the floor while the 2 daughters of the house come down dressed to go out.

The expression on their faces however seem to suggest that they aren’t very happy.

The mother (with back to camera) wields a remote and zaps them one by one.




ZAP!

The 1st daughter gets a sparkling new dress with a long shiny necklace.

ZAP!

The 2nd daughter too gets a new dress with lovely dangling earrings.

ZAP!

What happens to the Filipino maid??

She gets a sparkling, shiny new vacuum cleaner.

ZAP! And they all live happily ever after.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT WAS THAT?

The idea is obviously from Cinderella but then I always thought that the whole point of that story was to warn against mistreating people.

Political correctness can at times go overboard but can you seriously show the poor Filipino maid happy just because she got new equipment?



ZAP! Even in a fantasy they aren’t treated as human beings.

The Filipino embassy is usually quite potent where workers rights are concerned.
Maybe they should also begin to worry about workers image too.

Just between us.

Ciao Till Next Time.


Vishal