The Bollywoodisation of News

IDIOT IS AS IDIOT DOES.

WHAT ASSES?

Bollywood has taken over even natural calamities.

A few days back an unprecedented cloudburst over Ladakh led to more than 200 deaths and hundreds more are missing. The airport at Leh (the highest in India) was partially washed away making relief and evacuation flights difficult. Thousands of people are still stranded with no food or essential supplies

But what did the news channels and media lead with?

"RANCHO'S SCHOOL WASHED AWAY! " screamed the headlines and the bloke on India TV even managed to tensely remind us that the school where 3 Idiots was shot and where Rancho taught was washed away but, he helpfully added, the students were safe.

Then to reinforce that fact they kept showing clips of the movie with the children’s (actors in the movie) heads circled in red forgetting perhaps that those kids were probably not actually students of the school or for the matter that Rancho is just a fictional character.

Zee News (which seems determined to plough the depths of banality) went a step further.

“The children are safe,” said the wide eyed anchor, and then with an expression, which was supposed to be distressed but which just came across as cross eyed and cross browed, asked in breathless anticipation, “but what about Centimeter?”

For those of you who haven’t watched the movie, Centimeter is the chottu tea boy from the college who later joins Aamir Khan in Ladakh but who most certainly is NOT still actually working there as a teaching assistant.

WTF?

Somehow after this, ‘IDIOT’ seems too tame a name for these weirdoes on TV.

What have we come to? Seriously.

Can’t we even digest news if not coated within a bollywood context?

Have we really become that dumb or for that matter that heartless?

THINK.

Coz those news anchors certainly don’t.

FYI: The school’s actual name is The Druk Pema School and is (or was) situated 15km outside Leh town on the Leh-Manali highway.


Till next time...

Luv

Vish

BEST MOVIES 2007 PART 2 (scroll down for part 1)

5) Bheja Fry: Again for just 1 person. Vinay Pathak. He is my choice to take over the empty space left behind by Sanjeev Kumar with a bit of Kishore added for grins.
Best Scene: — Rajat Kapoor's mistress is unable to understand a word he's been using to describe her, until Vinay translates it for her, much to Rajat's horror. Watch all three expressions at this time. Priceless.


4) Taare Zameen Par: Great Movie and it would have been much higher up in the ranking if not for Aamir Khan’s “look-i-am-acting” performance. Surprisingly for once everything about him was off-key; Dialogues – too filmy (in the classroom) too preachy (with parents) too condescending (with other teachers), Tears – too conflicted: too often: too much. Not to mention the cartoonish teachers, the Laloo like hindi teacher with the mandatory hair in the ear, the almost Santa like English teacher with his constant Ho Ho Ho laugh. However the kid and the 1st half was first rate.
Best Scene: The kid bunks school and with Adnan Sami’s mesmeric vocals coaxing Mera Jahaan, we get to see a city from a child’s perspective like never before. Only a child can ‘enjoy’ a drop of paint falling on the cheek.


3) The Namesake. Tabu bids farewell to her new husband in a new apartment in a new city and takes down the cornflakes and adds some chilly powder to make an impromptu jhalmuri. Tabu receives a call that her husband is dead and suddenly alone and feeling suffocated in the house they shared together she stumbles outside and cries her heart out. I could go on but I guess you get the picture.
Best Scene: Gogol’s American girlfriend comes visiting and despite being warned not to, she proceeds to peck Irfan and Tabu on the cheek. Tabu being a woman manages it well enough but watch Irfan as he is brilliantly unsure of what to do exactly; how close to come, how much to peck, 1 cheek or two cheeks, is wife and son watching…. The scene hardly lasts 4-5 seconds but it is as good as it gets.


2) Jab We Met. The story was old. The lead stars were a flop pair. The Director in just his 2nd outing and the budget was about the same as a song in a SRK movie. Yet somehow it turned out to be one of the freshest and funniest movie of the year. As a date movie it had no equal this year. For many years directors and co-stars have talked about Kareena’s potential and here she is in full bloom.

“You are not bad looking yourself and if I wasn’t running away with my boyfriend,” she tells a stunned Shahid Kapoor, “who knows, maybe even I could have fallen in love with you” triumphantly and utterly confidently adding “Just Imagine ! ”.

No one since Basanti has made chattering look so adorable. As the song says, the whole movie is mauja hi mauja.
Best Scene: In the second half after being jilted by her lover, a down and depressed Kareena has the tables turned on her when Shahid asks her to pick up the phone and abuse her ex-boyfriend. She is reluctant but as she begins her tirade, her earlier avatar seems to come flooding back into her voice, face and expressions. No make-up, wearing a plain salwaar-kameez and screaming insults into the telephone..... yet she is completely bewitching. Mark my words. Bebo will take home every Best Actress award this year.


1) Chak De India.

Lets look at what the film did NOT have. NO Pretty Bollywood heroines, NO songs in Switzerland, NO Love Story and it was about sport. Not Cricket or Football but boring Hockey and that too women’s hockey. However what it did have is a tight script, spot on actors and of course King Khan. It is SRK’s best performance till date.
Best Scene: The night before the final, Shuklaji, the caretaker from Delhi calls. After the others have spoken, the resident bitch Bindya Niak takes the phone and teases Shuklaji about his dahi-chhawal.
“Jaan se khelna betaji,” he says “Jeet ke aana.”

“Apna Jaan de denge,” she replies softly “par harenge nahi”.

WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR nay DECADE nay CENTURY

Ram Gopal Verma Ki Aag.

It’s a pity the Sippy’s did not give Ramu permission to use Sholay as the title. If they had then more people would have gone to watch it and would have come out having even more respect for the original. The movie was not just the worst this year but probably the worst since Sholay came out 20-30 years ago. Ramu always had a huge ego and displayed even greater arrogance but it was always crouched in self deprecating humour. Quite like Amitabh Bachchan. And the two together make such a mess that remakes themselves have gone out of fashion.
There was virtually nothing in the movie worth the watch. Not Amitabh as a confused Gabbar (who for some reason keeps going ‘phuss phuss’), Not Mohanlal as Thakur (who speaks with an accent so pronounced that you wonder why he wasn’t given subtitles), and not Ajay Devgan as Veeru (imagine him taking off his shirt and trying to be sexy and funny too. Eeewwww).
Not even the constant journeys the camera was taking to the bimbo, Nisha Kothari’s ass could save the film.
To sum up, i quote from one brilliant reviewer;

"Ramu with much fanfare excretes out the resultant monstrosity calling it “Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag” where you would think, that in the interests of fair labeling, a “gaand mein” should have been added before “Aag”."

Amen!

In Defence of Salaam-E-Ishq

salaam

I am quite frankly a little bit piqued at the reviews of Salaam-E-Ishq (SEI) in almost all mainstream papers & magazines in india. I watched the movie and personally liked it. It was no masterpiece (it did not pretend to be one either) but it definitely was not boring or bad.
It was fun and the best example of "Bollywood" as it is actually supposed to be and not trying to be like hollywood.
Let's look at some of the gripes from some of the 'critics';

Too Long. Some wit even called it Thaakan-E-Ishq. Dont go by the 3 hr+ running time. If need be, a 2hr film can be boring too. Watch Paheli or Naach or Kisna or ....

Salman & Priyanka were hamming. Yes but that was what they were supposed to do. She's playing an Item Queen for god's sake and Salman was required to just be a Rock Star and he was. With all his accents and strutting and constant reference to Raoooool.

The John-Vidya track wasn't moving. I dont know what this critic meant, becoz if it meant moving as in emotional, then his cardiac valves are not in their right place or maybe he is so used to loud melodrama that subtlety is not within his comprehension.

Anil K looks ridiculous in a shaven-hip-hop look: Again, that was the whole idea. Duh!

The Sohail-Isha Track is crude and unnecessary: The director has mentioned that this track is his indulgence and we all deserve one. It is not crude and quite funny actually. If you are from VHP or RSS or Shiv Sena and think that sex is crude and should be banned, then you should not be watching this film in the first place. Hypocrites.

Now about what was good:

Govinda: Quite a pleasant change. He was high on my list of irritating actors and if i say pleasant then it means a lot. Likeable, funny and not slapstick for once.

Shannon: She spoke english through out most of the film. Thank God! Quite natural too.

John & Vidya: They have the kind of frickin chemistry that Ash-Abhi can only dream of. Best story of the lot.

Juhi: A short one dimentional role but played with pure dignity and class.

Akshaye K: Who knew he could be so funny. (apparently Saif wanted this role and why not.)

Songs: SEL at their best.

Choreography: Just picture this: Salman on horse, in a bright yellow sherwani, dancing/strutting with a brass band, in & around the streets of london and the surrounding, very british, countryside. It is the arrival of Bollywood at its best. Fabulously camp.

and 3 virtuoso scenes :
(i) When John takes Vidya back to his parents' house, watch the background flit seamlessly between the present and past. Perfect use of special effects and flawless too.
(ii) After Juhi cathes him red-handed, Anil K is standing in the street, in front of the young girl's glass door deciding whether to go to her or go back home. She can be seen in the brightly lit interior and the door is swaying. Watch how Juhi's reflection appears on the door and dissapears again. Magic!
(iii) The pre-climax scene in the empty pub with Anil and Priyanka. Well written, beautifully timed and perfectly acted.


Most Indian reviewers don't know their Kurosawa from their Kachoris so don't trust them.
Yeah! and Don't trust me either.

Check it out for yourself.

Vish