"A man sees in his son the dreams he dreamed for himself" - Lahsiv Abbus

My Dear friends Prabir & Shraddha, who recently had a son (announced previously in Breaking News) have finally decided on a name for him. Actually Prabir did all the deciding.

Against family and in-law objections he has zeroed in on Kabir.

I have known him (my friend that is not the baby..ha ha P.J) since 1984 and if there is something I’ve learnt in that time it is this.
Prabir does nothing without thinking things through. And he has always thought of himself as a latter day messiah cum eccentric.
A modern Rajneesh Osho if you may.

So when he choose Kabir as his son’s name there was no surprise for me. Just look how many cultural, sociological, religious, spiritual, etc etc boxes it manages to tick along the way. So in his mind there cannot be a name which is more generic than KABIR and which can win any arguments be it social, cultural.....

Okay lets do this the correct way.

Kabir lived perhaps during 1398-1448 (Historical : Tick). He is thought to have lived longer than 100 years. (Longevity: Tick)
His birth and death are surrounded by legends (Suspense: Tick). He was allegedly born to a Hindu (Hindu: Tick) virgin woman (Mother Mary: Tick)after she visited a temple. He was abandoned and grew up in a Muslim (Islam: Tick) weaver family(Low Caste: Tick), but some say he was really son of a Brahmin (High Caste: Tick) widow (Widow’s right: Tick) who was adopted by a childless couple(Adoption: Tick).

After living for 114 years (Urine Therapy: Tick) he decided to give up his life (Voluntary Retirement: Tick). When he died, his Hindu and Muslim followers started fighting about the last rites(Popularity: Tick). The legend (Legendary: Tick) is that when they lifted the cloth covering his body, they found flowers instead (Mystery: Tick). The Muslim followers buried their half and the Hindu cremated their half. In Maghar, his tomb and samadhi still stand side by side (Religious Coexistence: Tick).

He is also believed to be a contemporary of Guru Nanak (Sikhism: Tick) and the Sikh’s hold him in as high esteem as the other 10 gurus.

Kabir is also believed to have begun (Pioneer: Tick) the Bhakti Movement along with other saints. In the fifteenth century, Benaras (Cultural : Tick) was the seat of Brahmin orthodoxy and their learning center (Educational : Tick). Brahmins had a strong hold on all the spheres of life in this city. Thus Kabir belonging to a low caste had to go through immense hardships (Perseverance: Tick) to preach his idealogy (Demagogue: Tick). Kabir and his followers would gather at one place in the city and meditate(Spiritual : Tick). Brahmins ridiculed him for preaching to prostitutes (Non-Judgemental: Tick) and other low castes (Equality: Tick). Kabir satirically (Witty: Tick) denounced Brahmins and thus won hearts of people around him (Populist: Tick). Kabir through his couplets not only reformed (Reformist: Tick) the mindset of common villagers (Rural : Tick) and low caste people but give them self confidence (Enabler: Tick) to question (Independence: Tick) Brahmins. From the writings (Novelist: Tick) of Kabir it is clear that he believed in the yogic conception (Yoga : Tick) that all truth is experimental, i.e. to be realized within the body with the aid of psycho-physical practices(Freudian : Tick), concentration, control of breathing(Art of Living: Tick) and thus making the body incorruptible (Lofty Goals: Tick) and the yogis immortal (Delusional : Tick).
Kabir was also a firm advocate of ahimsa (Gandhi: Tick)

So can you find a more referenced or more appropriate name for someone whose father himself is a self styled acetic messiah.

Prabir’s father in law (who incidentally is named Kedar) apparently had a lot of long intellectual sounding names prepared but was very cleverly fooled into submission by Prabir after being told that the sound “K” was from his name Kedar and “bir” from Prabir.

Hence Ka-Bir. The poor old man has no idea how Punk’d he’s been.

If any of you’ve watched Gosford Park, a brilliant film by Robert Altman, there is a character in it called Constance, the Countess of Trentham. Played incisively by Dame Maggie Smith, she is an old dowager countess who depends on her nephew for an allowance but is so critical and catty that she manages to say and do the nastiest things without it sounding bad. She manages to do and say just what she wants but is never ‘blamed’ for it. Her words are scathingly critical of everything from

Class: “Why did Freddie have to bring his common wife here. Couldn’t he have come alone”,

Money; “So clever of Mabel to travel light. Why must one wear a different gown every evening”,
Profession; “It must be so difficult no, when a film just, you know, flops like that”

Nationality; “I guess we will have to be subjected to 1 more day of the American man shouting down the telephone”

Country; “Just now when I came down the stairs there was so much noise I thought I have been transported to a bar in Marseilles”

Musicians; “Don’t, don’t, please don’t clap. It will only encourage him”

The reason I mention this is because my dear friend is an exact copy of Countess Trentham, with maybe a little bit of Niles Crane from Frasier

However if you’d ask him, he’d say that he is a mix between Archbishop Tutu, Emperor Nero & Chairman Den Xiao Ping.

Why these people??? well… you will have to ask him that yourself.

By the way here in the middle east the fathers are known by the names of the son with Abu (father) as a prefix.

So I guess, Salaam Aalaikum Abu Kabir

Prabir & Shraddha: We would like pics of the little devil soon.

The Child indeed is the father of Man

I have earlier told all of you about this great website called "OverHeard In New York" (check it out at What I'm Surfing below left)which collects random snippets of conversations overheard in differenet places in NY and sent in by readers.

Here is a selection of a few which i hope you will enjoy. Not anything profound but just a few things to cheer up the day.

Enjoy

Vish

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Nine-year-old boy to friends: Don't be talking smack about Jesus. He was one of our greatest presidents!


Hip chick in black whose dog poops in street: No! No! Jesus fucking Christ! [Looks up and notices she's in front of large church.] Oops.

Highschool boy: He's like a fat homeless Jesus who stole a rich man's coat.


Student on phone: All I have to say about being friends with Jesus is that unlimited fish sandwiches and wine doesn't sound like a bad deal.


Dad to toddler son: See, if we buy the kitten then we'll have to throw you out.


Flight attendant on PA: Be careful when opening the overhead bins. Items can shift during flight and fall on you, or even, God forbid, me.


Flight attendant: Please take out the safety cards in your seat's back pocket and pretend to follow along.


Flight attendant: Thank you for listening to the safety announcement for this Boeing 777 service to Atlanta... [Proceeds in low whisper] Go to sleep. Go to sleep. You don't want any beverages. Close your eyes and sleeep...

Queer checking voice mail: Apparently my great aunt just died.
Friend: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Queer: Don't be. She was a horrid, raging bitch.
Friend: Oh, well... then... ding dong!


Chick #1: A guy's penis size is directly proportional to how much you like them.
Chick #2: So true! When I really liked Josh I said it was kind of small. Now that I'm over him it's practically a vagina.

Blonde: Do you ever pray?
Brunette: Oh, I pray a lot in the shower. It's kind of weird because then I feel like God is watching me shower, but then I remember that he's obviously seen all that before.

Last evening when I was out jogging on the beautiful new cornice here in Abu Dhabi, I saw an amazing sight.
A little toddler (she couldn’t have been more than 2) was there with her parents and she was drinking water.
Ok Ok water is no big deal but she was drinking Perrier.

Apart from the fact that a heavy glass bottle is not suitable for a little baby girl to drink out of, isn’t there some kind of heath advisory against feeding babies aerated drinks? I mean, yes you have a lot of money but does she need to drink Perrier?

This only reinforces everything I’ve always felt about the rich being stupid.
The rich will buy anything as long as it is expensive and as long as too many others can’t have it.
How else would you explain the popularity of the VERTU phones. They are big, chunky and they don’t even have MP3 or cameras like other mobiles.
However they do cost upwards of $10,000 so there you go.

I’ve always had this daydream-cum-fantasy about opening a restaurant. Months before the opening, I’d begin the ad campaign but with a difference.
Instead of inviting people to come and try out the new place, I’d discourage them.
The ads would say things like “This Restaurant Is Not For Everyone” or “If You Have Only 1 House Don’t Bother To Come In” or “If You Need To Ask The Price On The Menu, You Probably Cant Afford It”.

And I have a sinking suspicion that the restaurant would become a raging success and have a waiting list for months.
There is nothing the rich like more than to know that they are NOT the same as everyone.

They always need to be noticed.
The opposite of RICH is not POOR. Its INDIFFERENCE.*
And no self respecting millionaire wants to be indifferent.

* By the way the opposite of Love too isn’t Hate. Again it’s Indifference. Think about it. So the next time some loved one says “I hate you” don’t feel so bad.

Anyway the market is filled with ‘items’ for the rich, be it the new Porsche Cayenne (certified as probably the worst performing 4X4 just above the BMW X5 which is another rich-stupid-magnet) or the new Apple iPhone. And if things are not available to the mass market, it makes it even more important to get a hold of the item.

I present you with two items that I believe will be the want of society in the coming months, maybe a small market, but there will be a few who want to have these items, just to say that they had them:

The first is the E-INK WATCH
Seiko has designed a bracelet style watch using the high contrast e-ink technology.

If the futuristic watch is set to its 'efficiency' mode, the display is informative and easy to read. If, however, the watch is set to its 'mystery' mode, the panel expresses the time in a more imaginative,evocative style.
I can't understand what’s so mysterious about telling time or in this case hiding time.

The second one is the PHILIPS-SWAROVSKI USB DRIVES

Partnering with Swarovski, Phillips is distributing the Active Crystals collection of 1GB USB drives (and sparklin' headphones, too) onto the fashion-conscience set. These are certainly as niche as niche goes.
“While I upload a few files to my computer maybe you would like to get your eyes dazzled by the light bouncing off the hundreds of crystals".
Jeweled USB ??? What next? Jewel encrusted Underpants? Wait a min, hasn't Madonna alrady done that?

On a completely different but somehow connected note, I would like to take this opportunity to blog a little about the recent AbhiAsh wedding.
I know that Amitabh has always fancied himself as royalty. (If wishes were horses....)
He never misses an opportunity to harp on his father’s literary status but 1 Madhushala does not a legend make. His mother Teji (who is critically ill, god bless her) was another go getter who loved to flaunt her proximity to Indira Gandhi.
And by the way their real name isn’t even Bachchan. It was a name they took on later. See any social climbers anyone?

Amitabh was at pains to stress that the wedding was to be a "small family affair".
But the hypocrite that he is, couldn’t explain how a “simple family affair” included 350 guests, baraat in 7 Volvo buses & crazy black cat commandos running around beating journalists.

The consummate actor that he is, he wiped away at a moist eye as he talked to a ‘friendly’ journalist.
“My mother is very ill and we want to just complete the basic wedding rituals tastefully keeping her condition in mind” he said just before leading the baraat out to the raucous beats of 'Kajra Re..'

I am sure Mama found it perfectly tasteful.

I’ve always felt that Abhishek atleast was a decent boy with a sensible head on his shoulders but what was he wearing at the wedding? Why did he come dressed like an extra from a period film?

Chunky (for want of a better word) Emeralds? Jeweled head-dress with a feather? Strings and strings of pearls? 51 kg zari work on his dress (again for want of a better word)?

If you fans of the AB Circus feel that I am being unnecessarily harsh on them then the following is an excerpt from Amitabh's father, Harivansh Rai Bachchan’s autobiography In The Afternoon Of Time where he describes his son's wedding beautifully. Some of the ‘more’ beautiful parts have been highlighted in red for your reading pleasure.

“By the third week of May, Zanjeer had been proclaimed his first hit, and a week later, Amitabh gave us the news that he and Jaya were to marry.

The wedding, long foreseen, was set for June 3, 1973 and was to be kept secret, because with Amitabh's rising popularity, the crowds of admirers gathering round the house had been growing every day. Teji invited Mrs Gandhi by telephone: as was expected, she sent her felicitations but could not come herself (just as well -- her coming would have been the end of the secrecy); Sanjay would represent the family.

Jaya's parents wanted the marriage to be conducted in the Bengali manner, to which we had no objection. The first stage was the var-puja, the veneration of the groom, which involved Jaya's father coming to Mangal (Amitabh's residence) with gifts and conducting a small ceremony; I then reciprocated by doing the same for the bride at Beach House.

I noticed something quite unexpected at Beach House: nobody in the family, apart from Jaya, showed even the slightest trace of pleasure.

Amit looked so splendid that his mother prayed to Hanuman to protect him from the evil eye. Before fixing the bridgroom's veil of flowers, I said, my voice thick with emotion, that anyone wanting to see his face should have a good look now.

Then it was time to go out to the three cars that were standing at the ready. When the neighbours asked what the long decorative strings of light bulbs signified, we explained that Amitabh would be shooting a film here the next night. Nobody had an inkling that a wedding was under way, and the three cars driving off were assumed to be part of the film rehearsals.

The barat was welcomed without fanfare in front of the Skylark building; a few people gathered to watch, but there were no crowds.

We went up in the lift, Jaya was in her bridal adornment, and for the first time, I saw a bashful shyness on her face and realised what a particular aspect of beauty it is. She was enough of an actress to be able to simulate shyness, but what I saw now was very natural and real.A Bengali pandit conducted the marriage, whose ceremonial went on late into the night. The five baratis had dinner and set off home, leaving just the family members to eat alone later when the proceedings were completed. Then we too took our leave.

Before we left, I embraced the father of my new daughter-in-law and congratulated him on getting a son-in-law like Amit, expecting him to say the same in respect of Jaya.

But he simply said, 'My family is utterly ruined.'"

Truer words could not have been spoken. I rest my case.

As I trawl the world wide web I sometimes find things that have been happening around the world. You know, senseless news. I have compiled some for you to keep you up to date with what’s happened in the world in the recent past. That’s besides Iraq & Virginia Tech ofcourse.

British Airways has airbrushed Richard Branson out of their in-flight showings of the James Bond movie Casino Royale because he owns the competing Virgin Atlantic airline. Wow, talk about being petty and giving reams and reams of unintentional free publicity. BA must be squirming in their pants right now.

Knut the Polar Bear, has received a death threat! In case you are wondering Knut Who?? Well he is a polar bear cub who was rejected by his mother and is so irresistibly cute that he has become the main attraction in the Berlin Zoo. He has T-Shirts, Mugs etc with his image and he even shared the cover with (and some say overshadowed) Leo DiCaprio on the recent issue of People magazine. Now get this: Officials at the Berlin Zoo have had to beef up security. So not only does the lil’ guy have a fever, but some maniac wants to make a miniature polar bear fleece jackie out of him. I'm wondering Who? Al Qaeda?

You must have also heard reports about Keith Richards (Rolling Stones) claiming that he once mixed his father’s ashes with Coke(the sniffing kind not the sipping one) and snorted it. And at this point, it doesn’t really matter if he actually snorted his father’s ashes or if it was all a big joke– the damage has been done. It took longer than it should have, but by declaring that he attempted to get high off his dead father, the ancient rock n’ roller-slash-druggie has finally cemented his place in the Crazy Celebrity Hall of Fame alongside people like Ozzy Osbourne and Iggy Pop. He’s finally entered that elite class where we, as a society kind of have to believe that any story written about Keith– no matter how crazy it sounds– might actually be true. Like, for example, this story about the time when Keith picked up the canary, which belonged to bandmate Ron Wood’s then five-year-old son Jamie, and threw it out of the window believing it was an alarm clock.


In a desperate attempt to win back viewers to his fledgling season of The Apprentice, Donald Trump has finally done the unthinkable: Handled Rosie O’Donnell’s undergarments. The NY Post reports that Trump sent Rosie’s black leather corset and “giant underpants” from the movie Exit to Eden to the offices of The View, specifically to the office of Barbara Walters (Happy 80th Nightmare, Barbara) For those of you that don’t remember Exit to Eden (bless you), it was an “S&M comedy” (if there is such a thing as S&M comedy) starring Rosie in a leather get-up that flopped at the box office Says Trump: “I sent it to Barbara to hang in her office because I didn’t want it in mine."
WHAT I'm wondering about is why in hell did Donald have Rosie's underpants with him all these years.

Lindsay Lohan thinks it is weird she went to rehab because as she says herself, she’s “not an addict”. I guess she skipped right over that “admit you have a problem” step.

Larry Birkhead (of Anna Nicole Smith infamy) was confirmed as the biological father of baby Dannielynn. And what does the dear affectionate daddy do as soon as he gets custody? Well he gets baby to pose for photos for different magazines for a hellava lot of cash. In fact he is now going to change her name from Dannilynn.
She’ll now simply be called “Cha-Ching!”

EXPERIMENT: What happens when world class virtuoso Joshua Bell regales a Washington D.C. subway station with heavenly notes played on his million-dollar violin? People do not give a shit. Not one of them recognized him or the world class music coming out of his violin. This only reinforces what I have always suspected. Packaging is more important that Content. The same man if he plays at Carnegie Hall charges hundreds of dollars and yet in a subway people don’t even give a damn. Scary thought.

There are reports that the lead singer of Right Said Fred (the one hit wonder) plans on running for Mayor of London.
His “I’m Too Sexy For My Parking Charges” campaign is expected to be a huge hit.

QUOTE: John Travolta recently compared himself to Marilyn Monroe… just please, don’t stand over the grate, John

Sanjaya has exceeded our wildest expectations. Not only is the subpar singer still making high profile public appearances but he stayed on in American Idol for what seemed like ages and ages and almost won the crown despite… well, despite everything… but now, somehow, he’s apparently considered a sex symbol. By dudes! Why else would Maxim name him their Girl of the Day? Check out new issue.
And when asked what she would do about Sanjaya, Hilary Clinton said it was the “best question” she’s been asked in a long time. Until the reporter added “…would you send him to Iraq or not?”


If there’s one toy that America’s kids are going to be clamoring for come Christmas-time this year, it’s undoubtedly going to be Rapist Number One. It is a new doll being marketed based on the zombie sexual predator portrayed by Quentin Tarantino in the recent movie Planet Terror, (Robert Rodriguez’s portion of the twin movie package, Grindhouse). And luckily for parents, they will have to look no further than their local toy store to enrich their family’s toy collection with the addition of a gun-toting rapist GI Joe. Those boring old Barbie & Ken Doll play scenarios will be so much more exciting when your children can introduce the horrors of flesh-eating zombie rape into their otherwise happy home!
God Bless America Indeed?

Angelina Jolie refuses to hold baby Shiloh when she cries, because she says she feels more affection for her less privileged adopted children. She is going to be one seriously f**ked up messiah one day. She and Brad meanwhile are also buying a $270 million yacht.
And then, once they finish adopting two babies from every country in the world, they’ll be ready for the flood.


A female astronaut (Sunita Williams) completed the first ever marathon in space. I am not sure why this was necessary but it was apparently quite impressive. However the American media (who usually lap up this kind of stuff) did not feature it at all except for a brief mention. I guess she would have done so much better in the media if only she’d been wearing diapers and on her way to kill someone like the other famous astronaut recently.

And bookmakers are now offering 20-1 odds that Britney Spears hooks up with newly-single Prince William and becomes the next Queen of England. If it pans out, the phrase “God Save the Queen” will never be more relevant.

Oh, and for the record? Sheryl Crow (the singer incase you did not know)says that she is such a staunch environmentalist that she refuses to waste any paper at all. Even toilet paper! Pray you’re never stuck in a paperless bathroom stall next to Sheryl Crow… because that b*tch will not spare a square.

Sen. John McCain managed to turn a peppy Beach Boys song into a frightening call to arms suggesting we should escalate violence in the Middle East. “You know that good ol’ Beach Boys song,” he fondly recollected, helpfully adding, “the one which goes Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran”. Thank God his chances of wining the presidential race are looking increasingly remote.

“And when I come out there next week, I’m gonna fly out there for the day… just to straighten you out on this issue. I’m gonna let you know just how disappointed in you I am, and how ANGRY at you I am that you’ve done this to me again. You’ve made me feel like SH*T and you’ve made me feel LIKE A FOOL… OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And this crap you pull on me with this goddamned phone situation, that you would never DREAM of doing to your mother and you do it to me CONSTANTLY! And over and over again! I am gonna get on a plane, and I am going to come out there for the day, and I am gonna STRAIGHTEN YOUR ASS OUT when I see you! Do you understand me? So you better be ready FRIDAY the 20th to meet with me! Cause I’m gonna let you know just how I feel about what a RUDE LITTLE PIG you really are. You are a RUDE, THOUGHTLESS little pig.”

No No its not an excerpt from the video diaries of Seung-Hui Cho. Its Alec Baldwin leaving a voice message for his 11 year old daughter. And by the way he is currently facing a custody battle over the little girl with his ex-wife Kim Basinger. Forget a child, he should not be left alone with a pet.

Horror of Horrors. VOGUE Europe says that now apparently Africa has become a place to look for skinny models. Witness the silver lining of poverty and mass famines.

According to Yahoo News, a transgender student in a city called Fresno (in USA where else?) is running for Prom King, but if s/he wins, wouldn’t s/he actually be Prom King AND Queen.

The recent Virginia Tech Memorial service was very moving and it was touching to see the students all brave and trying to get on with their lives in the glare of media spotlight. The students has a beautiful commemoration ceremony but as much as I feel for them, I feel they made one mistake.

Look at the picture. At moments like these you might want to leave out the Mascot.
Have nice week ahead

Dear Fellow Net Surfers,

You must have noticed that I have been on a ‘serious’ streak for the last couple of blogs and today I am excerpting a few passages from a column by Linda S Heard.

Very Interesting.

And You're Welcome!

DOES NATIONALITY DICTATE MEDIA COVERAGE

A 23-year-old South Korean resident of the US carefully plans and executes an attack on students and teachers at Virginia Tech leaving 32 dead. A week later, the story still makes newspaper headlines. Seung-Hui Cho's life history is dissected on Oprah. NBC faithfully airs the killer's prepared multi-media package. American Idol judge Simon Cowell comes under fire for raising his eyebrows following a contestant's expression of sympathy.
President George W. Bush attends a House Correspondents' dinner but leaves his jokes at home out of respect for the dead. Britain's Sky News holds a minute's silence. Pundits on network after network ask why, a question that was oddly verboten vis-à-vis the attacks on September 11, 2001.
Two days after the campus shooting, car bombs took the lives of more than 150 innocents in Baghdad. The media gave this incident slightly more than a passing mention.
Nobody bothered to find out the exact number of dead or their names. A video message from the killers, even if one existed, would never be broadcast. Nobody interviewed their grieving relatives. Nobody stood in respectful silence. And, nobody asks why.
On Friday, a disgruntled Nasa employee took two of his co-workers hostage. One survived. The other was shot dead. This incident was given prominence in the news for two days. A newly-landed extraterrestrial being familiar with the English language might be forgiven for believing that some people's lives are worth more than others purely dependent on an accident of birth or acquired nationality. He, she or it might also wonder why the word "terrorist" is attached to some killers but not to others. It's interesting that Seung-Hui Cho appears to have escaped the "terrorist" tag even though terror is exactly what he wanted to inflict on his wealthy co-students, whose fancy cars and trust funds he so bitterly envied. He was even dressed for the part. Instead he is termed variously as "a gunman", "a student" or a "killer". An army of psychologists speculate on whether he might have been autistic or lonely.There is little press speculation as to why marines murdered 24 civilians in Haditha, including woman and children or why their superiors covered up the tragedy. It's also interesting that while the Virginia Tech shooting is being labelled a "massacre" in The Boston Herald, Reuters, the Telegraph, the Israeli paper Arutz Sheva and others, there is little mention of a massacre at Haditha. Going back a few years, an article in Arutz Sheva titled "CNN and the media jihad" written by Jack Engelhard perfectly illustrates these double standards. Engelhard writes "Think Jenin, that fraudulent ‘massacre' that was swallowed whole by the media Jihad". In April 2002, the Israeli army entered Jenin, a Palestinian refugee camp, demolishing homes and killing 52 people, according to a UN report. Colin Powell, then US Secretary of State, visited Jenin and reported back that a "massacre" had not taken place. So what do we learn from these comparisons? Firstly, it seems the term "terrorist" is reserved mainly for killers who happen to be Muslim. Timothy McVeigh, who, in 1996, destroyed the Federal Building in Oklahoma City, is usually called a bomber or mass murderer. The perpetrators of Columbine were labelled disturbed children or "shooters". Secondly, when the US military kills civilians as it did in Fallujah, Tel Afar, Al Mahmudiya and Haditha, the carnage wrought is never referred to as a massacre. When the US air force incinerated 408 women and children seeking refuge in a Baghdad air-raid shelter in 1991 this was never termed a massacre either. And thanks to academic and media collusion few of today's youngsters are aware of one of the greatest massacres in history — the US/UK bombing of Dresden during the Second World War, which flattened the German city and buried up to 135,000 civilians. What happened at Virginia Tech is shocking, senseless and painfully tragic. As America grieves the loss of its brightest and best, the media has a duty to get the story out. However, it also has a duty to apply the same reporting standards to all perpetrators and victims of similar crimes. In fact, it is so biased as to be hardly credibleThe media should strive to be more even-handed. It should agree on empirical definitions for "terrorist" or "massacre", which should not depend on the nationalities, religions, ethnicities or jobs of either perpetrators or victims. Until then we should remind ourselves of the power of words and the influence they have over our own perceptions of events. Was Cho a terrorist or a societal misfit? You decide.
Linda S. Heard is a specialist writer on Middle East affairs. She can be contacted at lheard@gulfnews.com

HI Again,

Just last week I had blogged about the exploitation of the William-Kate story by the media (and done a little exploitation of my own, I have to admit)
Today, however, I am a little more concerned.
Has the news media become IRRESPONSIBLE & IRRELEVANT?

Does it fan the flames of discontent?

Take 3 recent examples.

SHILPA SHETTY – RICHARD GERE

In Bombay for an AIDS awareness campaign, Gere and Shetty were giving a talk to a group of truck drivers, the ones who are supposed to be the biggest carriers & spreaders of the virus. Apart from teaching about prevention they were also informing about the stigmas and myths surrounding the disease. In the process and I guess in the attempt at enlivening the proceedings, Gere did a mock waltz with Shetty and then in the end ‘dipped’ her and gave here a couple of pecks on the cheek. Please note: on the cheek not lips.
The crazy Indian “news” media ran the ‘dip & kiss’ a zillion times till the even crazier Hindu Rashtra Army or whatever else they call themselves these days decided to burn effigies of Gere & Shetty denouncing the demeaning of Indian culture. Like I mentioned in one of my previous blogs, the billion odd Indians were all dropped by storks or whatever else it is that drops children from the sky because sex definitely did not have a role in it.
In the subsequent press conference after refusing, quite admirable, to apologize, Shetty gave the press a piece of her mind and ticked them off by telling them that if they had not aired the clip so often in such an exploitative manner the whole fracas would not have happened.

What is NEWS anyway? Does everything that can be ‘shown’ qualify as news?

THE CRAZY CHO KID – VIRGINIA TECH

By now you must have all heard, read about and seen the Virginia Tech college massacre. In the middle of all this, the crazy kid managed to mail a couple of dozen photographs and rambling videos of himself. The networks were all convinced that this was the ‘scoop’ they always look for and ran the pictures and clips again and again. First of all, it must have been excruciatingly traumatizing to the parents of the victims to see pictures of the crazy guy pointing the barrel of the gun at the camera. It must be giving them nightmares of what their children had faced just before they died. This is all apart from the fact that the crazy psychopath was being almost lionized by the media as a kinda anti-hero. He compared himself to Jesus Christ and the constant video replays have allegedly led to 5 copy-cat threats already.

Again, should everything that is ‘available & shocking’ be aired as NEWS?

JHANVI KAPUR- ABHISHEK BACHCHAN

On the day of the Abhiash (I know, I know….) wedding a floozie (and that’s being kind to her) named Jhanvi Kapur tried to cut her wrists and then tried to file a police report saying that Abhishek had married her and then dumped her. The police, thankfully, did not entertain her request to file a report but did book her for attempted suicide. The press however managed to catch the whole drama on tape and then played it ad nauseam even though it was obvious that the crazy bitch was lying, seeking publicity and quite drunk too. Apart from playing into her hands and giving her the publicity that she so desired they did not even stop to think how irresponsible it was to air such garbage on someone’s wedding day.

Every day my colleague complains that he has forbidden his 8 year old son from picking up the newspaper from the front door because gruesome pictures of the dead in Iraq and other places splashed on the front pages has given the poor kid nightmares.

Is NEWS really news anymore or has it turned into the visual version of a tabloid?

Food for thought huh?

HI Again,

By now every person who has access to a TV or the Internet would have heard about the split between HRH Prince William and his girlfriend Kate Middleton.


Without official statements from Clarence House (William’s official residence) or from Kate’s family, I would have classified it as just another tabloid editor trying to sell some extra papers. However Prime Minister Blair has now commented (during one of the chat shows that he is so fond of attending) that the people should “leave the two of them alone, now that they have broken up. But don’t believe the reasons the papers give you,” he added helpfully, “they usually get the reasons all wrong”.
Apart from officially confirming something that was private and not his to confirm, he was wringing his hands and trying to steal the moment for himself.

He had to do all he could to stop himself from eulogizing her and saying “She will never be a future Queen but she will always remain in our hearts as the People’s Princess….. now sadly back with the people..”

The poor girl (and the Prince) is probably just heartbroken as any normal person would be at the end of a relationship but the Press seems to be going overboard trying to find “reasons” for their breakup.

Some say that her mother wasn’t really liked by the courtiers. She was apparently too pushy. I don’t know about pushy but she is an ex-stewardess and that can’t have gone down well with the snobs in Buckingham Palace. But didn’t a certain Lady Diana Spencer prove that aristocratic blood alone is no guarantee of happiness.
Just ask HRH Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall.
She is as bourgeois as they come and yet there she is, as Queen Consort in Waiting.

The present Queen, apparently is ‘distraught’ over this. She had, again apparently, really liked Kate and had even gone riding with her. She and Prince Philip feel that in a few years Wills will realize that he let his soul mate go and has lost his true love.

Again I don’t know how much of that is true but if Kate indeed did manage to squeeze and wring some kind of emotion out of Prince Philip then that alone makes her ready and fit to be Queen.
Even his own sons and daughter in law’s could not get some kinda approval from him. Again to be fair look at the crop he has. Cabbage Eared and Sour Charles, Boozy Andrew, Ugggg Ugly Daughter Anne, the Royal Wimp Edward and to top it all the Ever-Preening Diana and Toe Licking Fergie.
Can’t say I blame the man really. I am surprised he didn’t just feed them to the corgis.

AND I can’t blame the tabloids either. Just look at me and my blog. :-)

Just wish them both a lot of luck.

If indeed the break up wasn’t mutual and if Wills did dump her, a royal kiss-and-tell book would be the best way to get even. Are you listening Kate?

Aahh by the way MOVIE NEWS.

I watched PROVOKED.

Sorry all you Ash fans but this movie is not her finest (and I use the word finest very loosely)
It was almost like watching a school play, which is what most Indian-English movies end up sounding like. Somehow actors, who are otherwise perfectly fluent in spoken English in real life, seem fake and put-on once they come on screen.

Thankfully Ash starts of as an Indian bride (Kiranjit Ahluwalia) in England who is “I no speak English” but after a couple of years in the jail with some dodgy East-Enders as friends, she not only manages to speak fluently but seems to pick up a nice upper crust accent as well. I wonder who gave her lessons on that.
And a couple of scenes later when Nandita Das asks her to tell her story, she is again “But I afraid people laugh my English”

People laugh this Movie not your English.

You may ask why I am nit-picking here but the point I am trying to make here is that when you set out to make a ‘serious’ movie you have to get the details and nuances correct.
Its one thing having Salman in a frivolous Salaam-E-Ishq going Raoooool and quite another to have a battered Indian wife stammer in broken English in 1 scene, speak the Queen’s English perfectly in the next and then go back to being coy, saying “You show Busum and you win.” in the third.
(and if you didn’t get it, she meant bosoms and please don’t ask what is the reference of bosoms in the movie)

And after the initial wide-eyed, ‘scared’ & disheveled bit of ‘acting’ dispensed with, Ash quickly got back to being pretty and wide-fluttering-eyed.

I have always maintained that we seem to think any acting involving handicaps or abuse is automatically good.
Just look at Black.
Rani’s character was melodramatic and loud and utterly fake, not to mention too perfectly groomed & color coordinated for a blind girl. But the worst part was that her character was pointless.
She fights, overcomes great hurdles and passes college and does what???
Nothing. Zilch. Zero.
Struggles just for the sake of struggling.
And since I am dissing everyone here let me also say that Amitabh by the end of the movie was equally fake. He is supposed to have Alzheimer’s but seems to display symptoms of Parkinson’s.
It’s like saying, “My head is hurting, please hold my leg.”

If you really want to know how badly they have messed up Provoked then watch the otherwise brilliant Nandita Das. The poor girl is one dimensional and stilted throughout. And because it is an ‘English’ movie, when she meets Ash (who is Punjabi) Nandita says she only understands Punjabi and so replies in English for the benefit of the audience.
Two stupid little girls! It never strikes them to try another common language they’d both understand.
Hindi perhaps?

And once the “Wow! You are great! That’s a brilliant idea!” scene gets over (and believe me there are quite a few of those) she even has to mouth clichés like “Baby, You ain’t seen nothin yet”.

And its not just the Indian actors, the British are equally bad. McFadden playing the detective is as cardboard as they come as is the mandatory prison dyke. The only one actually working for her pay is Miranda Richardson who shows flashes of brilliance but is too mired in the awful script to be able to rise above it.

It is based on the real life story of Kiranjit Ahluwalia who was convicted for the murder of her husband and then subsequently freed using the Battered Wife Syndrome defense. Her husband, in her own words, had a split personality. However in this movie he is painted all black. Just bad. No grey shades at all. In simple, a caricature, like all hindi villains are supposed to be.

The credits at the end inform us that this was a ‘monumental’ case in British legal history. I am sure the correct word they were looking for was ‘landmark’ but what’s one more error in a movie filled with them.

And the “humor’ is provided by various British characters struggling with her name stuttering Aloo… Aloo... Aloo

Provoked! Yes, you will be if you spend money to watch it.

Hiya again,

You must have all heard or 'seen' the Liz Hurley- Arun Nayar wedding recently in India.
Not being a fan of Liz and quite frankly not knowing who Arun Nayar is or was, apart from being Liz’s husband, I couldn’t be blamed if I wasn’t a fan of the wedding. I personally felt it was over the top and decadent but its her money and her choice.
An absolute farce but her choice of farce nevertheless.

As a commentator put it, “The foreigners (sic) are senseless and don’t have the cultural sensibility of the Indians. And sometimes they go crazy”

True! Absolutely true! But what was not mentioned was what happens when the Indians themselves go crazy, well…. That’s when the shit actually hits the fan.

(WWF getting creative)

Some floozy named Vishnu Khandelwal has filed a case in India and his prosecuting lawyer named H M Saraswat has been quoted as saying the following:

“An arrest warrant could be issued for Arun and Liz as soon as the prosecution has made its case. When Arun Nayar and Liz Hurley came to the marriage mandap, Arun left his footwear outside but Liz refused to remove her footwear. We must remove our shoes when we pray to God. Our intention is to prove that the procedures adopted by both the accused for their marriage are against our Hindu rites. We have our own religious beliefs, including that the bride and bridegroom must behave soberly, and in this case, they had both taken drinks. Pictures of them kissing in Hello! magazine are against our culture too. We are using these pictures to prove our case.”

It's not improtant if you have faith and belief in your soul but, Yes, shoes have to be removed. Yeah and we in india do not kiss. Even after marriage. You know the 1 billion of us were dropped by storks.


The case is reported to be based on section 295 A of the Indian Penal code, which deals with the intention to outrage the feelings of Hindus by insulting their religious and ritualistic beliefs.

Narendra Modi is an outrage to Hindus. Try prosecuting him.



It is also alleged that Liz Hurley showed off excess flesh with her choice of attire.


Saraswat added, “In our religion, the bride’s dress must cover her body properly. Liz showed off her body, which is against our culture and beliefs.”
Obviously he has not seen some of the hindu weddings in the cities now a days. The dress Liz wore to the wedding mandap was more covered than most indian brides. And since when did our religion have dress codes mentioned? I dont remember any shasthra or veda mentioning what should and shouldn't be worn.

In an earlier court hearing, Saraswat reportedly accused the couple of “utilizing the Hindu marriage to spread Christianity”. Not a fan of Ms. Gandhi I presume and again, how in heaven's name can a hindu marriage spread christianity? Maybe Mr. Khandelwal should convert to Islam to spread Hinduism.


He told a court in Jodhpur, “This is the first case in India where a married couple has gone through another marriage. The couple has been, through their act, trying to canvass for the spread of Christianity and utilizing the Hindu marriage, they have hurt the people’s sentiments.”



India talks about its famed 9% growth and teeming middle class and 74% population under 35 and how India is Incredible. Yet it just takes one crackpot to sully all that in one stroke of insanity. I know it is just 1 crazy person doing this but Liz’s high profile in the tabloids will ensure that this news is splashed prominently in the newspapers all over the world.

There has to be some kind of law to stop these kind of cuckoo legislations. Not only because it is absolutely ridiculous but also because it wastes the court’s time. And we wonder why millions upon millions of cases are pending in the courts where normal people’s cases are not given a chance to be heard.

Not to mention how India is losing out on the lucrative wedding market.

India Shining? Naa!



Not till lunatics like Khandelwal are locked up in asylums.

Dear Friends,

You must have all got my mail titled BREAKING NEWS informing you about the blog.

Many many of you either called or mailed me to say many different things.

One called me all the way from Bangalore to say that i am resorting to more and more innovative ways to grab eyeballs for my blogsite. However i am not sure if that was meant as a compliant or a compliment. And being an employee of IBM he, without pausing to ask if i knew the meaning, proceeded to tell me that "to grab eyeballs" is a technical way of saying blah blah blah. Thank you.

Someone else mailed me from Delhi to say that she doesn't have internet. No Internet in 2007. Yeah and i am Santa Claus.

The Grandmother from the mail called to say that her fave name is not Govinda Shumshere anymore it has changed to Rajni Shumshere.

A lot of others mailed me saying that when they read BREAKING NEWS they had thought of many other different things. Everything but the baby.

I guess its fair enough because the said baby wasn't due till the end of April but what surprised me was the different things they 'guessed' was the NEWS.

Some thought i'd been nominated for a Pulitzer or the Booker Award.

Some thought i had won a million dollars.

And some thought i'd become a father.

The first two i can understand (ahem) but the third???

Unless it was the second coming of Jesus, i am not sure of having miraculously fathered any tiny tots.

(Would be great fun to have chairs like this at home for guests)

If any other readers of the blog want to 'publish' or 'inform' of any events in their lives please feel free to send me an email at vishal.subba@adnoc-dist.ae or vishalsubba@hotmail.com and put BLOG in the subject so i will not send it to junk mail. Pictures will be most welcome too.

You must again be wondering and scratching your head thinking,

"Why is this fellow doing this? Why does he blog so much? And such utter nonsense too. Fun, but nonsense nevertheless"

Well..... to paraphrase what a popular pair of RJ's in UAE say

"Hum insaan nahi, insane hai"

Till next time.

Ciao

BREAKING NEWS

(This is not their baby. No baby pic as yet)

A dear couple friend of mine has just been blessed with a baby boy. He was supposed to make his grand entrance sometime towards the last week of April but after constant disturbances (the smart ones among you can figure it out) he decided to pop out early. He arrived on 31 March 2007 at a hospital in Kathmandu.

The naming ceremony has not been done as yet and till then they have decided to call him Gogol.

Naa Just joking.

I am not exactly sure but they are vacillating between a couple of names.

Govinda Shumshere (the grandmother’s favourite),

Hrithik Shumshere (the aunt Sanjok’s choice), and Hash Shumshere (the uncle Peggy’s fave). The mother Shraddha wants him to represent the times and name him Prajatantra Shumshere (an oxymoron if ever there was one. Prajatantra means People’s Democracy and Shumshere is a synonym for Feudal Dictatorship). The father wants to call him Siirpech Shumshere (Siirpech being the royal Nepalese crown which my dear friend has his eye on).

My personal suggestion is quite simple. Stick to Nepali tradition and since he was born on a Saturday name him Shani-kumar Shumshere.

Anyway Dear Shraddha,

From all of your friends and well wishers and numerous others who only know you through the blog, a hearty CONGRATULATIONS.

You must be feeling joy, elation and god damm relief. We heard that it was a C-Sec so I guess you were spared the agony of dilating your V-Sec to push the little guy out.

Hope you gave the father some taste of what the experience was like.

I am sure you will make a great mother but wait a couple of years before you imbibe in him the teachings of Chairman Mao.

Congrats once again.

Dear HRH Prabir,

Congrats. You are a Padrē now.

Just make sure you always weigh more than the baby does.

My regards to the whole family too.
-------------------------------------------*-------------------------------------------

On a completely different note I was watching the Zee Cine Awards yesterday evening. It began at 6pm local time and dragged on and on till it finally came to an end at a quarter to 12 midnight. The worst thing about it was that it was so bad, sooooo bad that you could not switch off the TV and put an end to it. I know that is confusing but try and think of it as a bad bad train crash happening in slow motion over 6 excruciating hours. You cant do anything to stop it but at the same time you cannot take your eyes off it either.

(talk of unintentional comedy)

To start off, Katrina Kaif (as pretty as she is, God bless her) did a stick dance. Actually it was a proper dance but she was so stiff that the audience was fooled. It was only when Salman joined her and did his jig (dance would be too strong a word for it) that things looked a little up. And I do mean little.
Then there was a 10-year-10-song-10-star ‘tribute’. The songs were ok (after all you cant mess up recordings) but the 10 stars were anything but stars. Riya Sen (of the MMS fame) was the biggest of the 10 stars so you can imagine who the others were.

I could go on and describe the rest but I will spare you the academic version of the train crash.

If the ‘performances’ were a joke the ‘awards’ made a mockery of the whole event.

If you don’t get what I mean check out this list.

Shah Rukh Khan
Sanjay Dutt
Hrithik Roshan
Kajol
Ayesha Takia
Gul Panag
Saif Ali Khan
Abhishek Bachchan
Arshad Warsi
Kangana Ranaut
Upen Patel
Konkana Sen Sharma


And NO it isn’t a list of the nominees. It is a list of the winners. Everybody and I do mean EVERYBODY and their fathers, were given awards.

Rekha was given the Forever Diva of Divas award. And as silly as that is, it was probably the only deserving one of the evening. Looking gorgeous and immaculately dressed she was equal parts seductive, coy and playful. Truly, they don’t make stars like her anymore.

Then it went all downhill from there. Subash Ghai got an award for opening a film school (don’t ask) and from a laundry list of really B & C grade star presenters one F grade one named Sharad Kapur (don’t try to jog your memory, only film historians remember him anyway) even decided to use the platform to thank some people. I will just tell you what he said.

“I would like to take the opportunity to thank Mahesh Bhatt, Mukesh Bhatt, Vikram Bhatt etc etc for helping me 10 years ago when I joined the industry.”

Poor guy, apart from the fact that the thanks came just a little bit late, it didn’t help him that people were reminded about how long he has been out of work.

There also were many emcees.

Urmila trying to speak English with an god-knows-what accent. Frankly girl, master the language before you try on accents. Is that so difficult to do? I mean just look at Salman, he probably speaks more ‘British’ than his girlfriend Katrina who was born and raised there.

Shilpa who along with her mother, has decided that she is going to milk the 15 minutes of the Big Brother fame for atleast 15 more years. Though to be fair she was looking HOT. Then she began to make faces and opened her mouth and all the magic left the building.

Saif Ali Khan. Looking bored and just waiting for his check probably.

And finally K Jo, who is becoming a bigger drama queen as every day goes by. At one stage he even had on a Tiara (again dont ask)

And finally to hammer home the last nail in the coffin on this 'dead'-ful day, Hrithik was named best actor.

In a year which saw performances like Aamir (RDB), Ajay (Omkara), Siddarth (RDB), Saif (Omkara), Sanjay (Munnabhai), Anupam (Khosla ka..) etc........... Hrithik (who is otherwise a good actor) gets it for Kkrish.

Only when Oscars get handed out to Ben Affleck for Daredevil or Tobey Maguire for Spiderman , can we probably say that Bollywood has finally ‘conquered’ Hollywood.

Till then….