International ice-cream giant Haagen Dazs opened its first outlet in India at a mall in Delhi. And as usual they hung up banners and posters in various parts of the mall announcing the opening.
On the day of the opening they were giving away free scoops, which following the Indian predilection for freebies, caused a near stampede.
.
.
Now among this teeming crowd who were shouting, pushing and shoving for free scoops was our dear Mr. Ramit (name changed at his own request and who now apparently prefers to remain unnamed). He decided that he too wanted some free scoops and tried to enter the store.
But the crowd inside was beginning to resemble a riot scene with people climbing over heads and turbans (remember this is Delhi) grabbing free scoops with their bare hands to pass on to Chunnu and Munnu and Chunnu-Munnu ki mummy, who of course was herself busy shouting back to Chunnu-Munnu da Papa that the flavor she wanted was not this “Vanilla-Shanilla” but infact “Buttar-Scoh”.
“Hum toh Punjabi hain,” she mused to herself “hum to Buttar-Chicken kahte hain aur Scoh peete hain ji. Ab Buttar aur Scoh miljaye to kyon choondo. Woh bhi free.”
Anyway I digress, coming back to the story, our Mr. Ramit and the others waiting outside were told by the management that due to the excessive crowd inside the shop it would not be possible to give any more free scoops to anyone else.
With dreams of free ice-cream fast melting (pardon the pun but I just could not resist), Mr. Ramit decided he’d get something or the other free that day. By Hook or by Crook.
What’s the use of coming to a mall if you cant get free things? Right?
And then he remembered Andy Warhol and his free promise of 15 minutes of fame.
So he took out his mobile (ji-haan with 2.5 mega pixel camera, polyphonic ringtone and plastic cover) and took a picture of the poster outside the shop.
This picture he then sent to his ‘friend’ at the Times Of India.
Now Indian stories, like Indian food is too bland to consume without its customary masala, so our Mr. Ramit too helpfully added some from his imagination and lied that he was not allowed to enter the store specifically because he was an Indian. (Remember: Hook or by Crook )
Not that the Haagen Dazs people were not to blame. Their ad campaign was geared to give the message that the ‘taste of abroad’ was now available right here in India. But they also added the unnecessary line saying “Access Restricted to Holders of International Passports”.
Someone should have told them that reverse sarcasm and innuendo does not work in India.
.
We haven’t yet learnt to laugh at ourselves.
Meanwhile the Times Of India fruitcake who was to later write an enraged rant on his blog about the imagined allusions to racism and apartheid (why apartheid???) had a very odd first response (as he himself admits on his blog). The apparent horror came later, but the first thing he advised his 'friend' was in itself a very racist one. And here I quote from his blog.
“My friend Ramit called me late Friday night. He sounded quite agitated. “You know, Haagen Dazs has opened its Delhi outlet”. I reacted with a joke. “Good, now you can spend a lot more on an ice cream than you normally would. But why are you agitated?”
“Because I am not allowed to enter”, he said. He did not waste much time and said he has taken a picture and is mailing me the reason. I switched on my mail, and clicked on the attachment. I couldn’t believe what I saw. Was I in India, 62 years after gaining independence, and years after South Africa officially ended apartheid?
Access restricted only to holders of international passports.
I immediately called Ramit. “You are an international traveler, and you have a passport, so you can go in”, I said. Ramit’s response was instant: "I tried to enter but they said you are not allowed for you don’t have an international passport.”
Surprising that Mr. Blogger's first response wasn't immediate anger as it should have been but infact it was to tell his 'friend' to use his internationally travelled passport to get some free ice-cream.
Seriously ??? And then you lecture us on morality?
And this strange Mr. Ramit? Did the poster offend him only after he was denied a free scoop?
Because I am pretty sure that NO ONE at the store ever told this free-ice-cream-crazed floozy that he could not enter because he was 'an Indian' nor do I suppose they asked him to show an ‘international passport’ just to taste some free ice cream.
But looks like hell hath no fury like a free scoop denied.After writing on the blog the twit from Times of India then decided to inflame things further and included it on Facebook and Twitter.
With a billion plus Indians available, it didn’t take long before it went viral and then all hell broke loose.
First as usual, the Netas decided to reconfirm that they don’t have a sense of humour and went ballistic. Effigies were to be burnt but they could not find any picture of “Mr. Dazs”.
Meanwhile Raj Thackerey was livid that this store was not in Bombay for his goons to loot and vandalize.
The Communist Party of India wisely nodded their octogenarian heads and said “Foreign is Bad. We told you so.” while Amar Singh somehow tried to insinuate that his bete-noire Mayawati secretly liked eating Haagen Dazs.
And bloggers everywhere went crazy.
“Let’s egg the store” said one. “No, No lets burn the store down” added another.
India TV (as usual the first to catch on to such 'news') went out to the streets to take the ‘pulse of the people’.
“We Indians have been insulted” said one guy wearing a made-in-Sarojini-Nagar ‘I Love NY’ tee-shirt.
“They don’t respect our great nation” said another even as he went to urinate on a nearby wall.
“Who are these stooopid white foreigners? To hell with them. We should be proud of who we are.” chirped in another girl, seemingly unaware of the irony in the fact that she had a little too much Fair&Lovely on her face.
Anyway Jokes apart.
Was the ad badly written? Absolutely!
Was the joke lost on crazy Indians? Sure!
Was it a BAD idea to offer free scoops in a crowded mall in India? Hell YES!
But Was it racist? I don’t think so.
Haagen Dazs may be an international brand (established quite ironically by Polish immigrants) but the franchisee is an Indian as were the people who wrote the ad.
So what does it make them? Racist against themselves?
Maybe we just need to grow a thicker skin.
If some stupid ad in a mall will 'destroy' your dignity you probably did not have much to begin with.
Now lets get THAT into our thick heads.
And as for Haagen Dazs, go have a kulfi instead.
Your Thoughts Please.
Luv
Vish
No comments:
Post a Comment