3 IDIOTS: MOVIE REVIEW

AAL IZZ WELL, BUT IT IZZ NOT THE BEST.

3 IDIOTS

* Aamir Khan, Kareena Kapoor, Madhavan, Sharman Joshi, Boman Irani

Directed by: Raju Hirani

Produced by: Vidhu Vinod Chopra

During the beginning of the movie there is a wonderfully moment when one of the characters (very naturally for a hindi movie) strums on his guitar and heartbreakingly sings;

Give me some sunshine, Give me some rain.
Give me another chance coz I wanna live my life again.

Coming from the director who made 2 of the finest emotional-comedies I’ve ever seen, 3 Idiots is a big let down. Now don’t get me wrong. This is a very good movie if you compare it to, I don’t know, say De Dana Dan or Aladin or Do Knot Disturb. In fact compared to those duds it’s a bloody masterpiece. But when you’ve set the bar so high with the 2 Munnabhai capers, this feels like a bit of a let down.

Aamir Khan is truly versatile and passes off quite convincingly as a college student and to give him credit he worked hard for that as well. If industry gossip is to be believed he not only went on a diet to get rid of that horrendous Ghajini body (where the girth just didn’t go with his height), he also allegedly played a brisk 15 minutes of badminton before shooting began every day. The flush of adrenalin apparently makes you look younger before the camera. And frankly when he can pass off as a college student at 44 who’s to argue. But to be honest he’s doing the “smiling-tear-wipe” scene a bit too much. If I remember he smiled through his tears (or cried through his smile) about 6 times in this movie alone.

Sharman Joshi is so goofy looking he can pass off as anything. He gets a pretty substantial role and while he does justice to it, after a friend remarked about it, I for some reason can’t help but be reminded of Suppandi (remember Tinkle comics) every time I see him.

There are some roles that some actors just aren’t made for.

Sharman Joshi can't do emotional without looking goofy; John Abraham cant do very angry without looking hysterical and Tushar Kapoor can't do macho without looking goofy & hysterical.

Madhavan meanwhile is not just looking the oldest but he lacks the emotional chops to take his own role out of the mundane. He does nothing that a few other younger actors couldn’t have done. Atleast they would have looked the part.

Kareena…. Aah Kareena….i’ll come to her later.

Boman Irani plays another version of the Dean from Munnabhai MBBS, and quite frankly its BAD. What would have been lost if he would have been a normal looking character without the Einstein hair, the on-off lisp and the weirdo (frankly no other word goes here) like dressing sense. Disciplinarians needn’t always be crazy. Maybe Hirani believes too much of the Fido-Dido doctrine which suggests that Normal is Boring. Not a good idea sirji.

However there is a wonderful character named Millimeter who lights up the screen every time he comes on. Whether he is pulling down his pants in mock salute or dispensing advice or as in one of the funniest scenes, when he begins to intently take ‘Virus’ of the room.

And Kareena. Aaah Kareena. She has the smallest role and one that is the least fleshed out but its her sheer joie de vivre that makes you believe in the (quite frankly unnecessary) love angle. How can you not love her? She’s the sunshine of the movie…

The producer is Vidhu Vinod Chopra who after the brilliant Parinda has gone downhill with every film that he has himself directed (1942-A Love Story, Kareeb, Mission Kashmir, Eklavya) and he has the reputation of being quite the foul mouthed megalomaniac and as ‘creative director’ his ‘touches’ can be seen ruining this movie too.

Pity he couldn’t keep his hands off, coz there is no way the same man who directed the 2 Munnabhai’s with such subtlety and refinement could have been so ham-handed with this one. Good message sirji, but did it have to be hammered in.

Once again, at the cost of sounding repetitive let me say that this movie is not bad at all. Don’t get me wrong. Compared to the garbage that comes out every Friday, this is pretty darn good.

But is it the best movie of the year?

Naa.

That ones a Rascal. A Kaminey.

Coming back to the song I mentioned at the beginning, well, Raju Hirani has made 2 previous films with such bittersweet moments, with so much sunshine and so much rain, that he definitely deserves another chance coz maybe he’ll want to make this film again.

Till the next movie.

Luv

Vish

MY FAVOURITE X'MAS STORY

THE GREATEST CHRISTMAS STORY EVER.

Long, long ago I read a simple Christmas story and it has remained with me as probably the most appropriate Christmas fable I have ever read. I tried to look for it and even Google failed to locate it for me.

So this Christmas I will try, in my limited way, to retell that story again.

My literary skills may be lacking in finesse but I hope I am able to bring out the essence of that simple little Christmas story.

Here Goes:

David was sweet, simple boy studying in the 4th Grade. A little chubby, he was always smiling and was a very kind and gentle boy. But he was a very slow learner and constantly failed his exams. Infact the other children often teased and called him “Duffy”. But David never got angry and he always tried his best to keep up with the others in his class.

It wasn’t his fault that he could not always understand things as quickly as the others.

He did, after all, try his best. And that was what counted, he reckoned.

The month was November and the children were all excited to begin preparations for the annual Christmas play and this year the 4th graders had been assigned the Nativity Play.

David too had always wanted to act in a play but had never gotten a chance. But this year too, during auditions, he waited in line. Silently he stood in the back as each child around him, one by one, got assigned a role. David never gave up hope. He just stood there smiling.

The teacher in charge of the play, Miss Diane, looked up at him.

I hate to leave David behind, she thought to herself, but he will just not be able to remember the lines.

As David stood there, alone in the back of the hall, still smiling Miss Diane looked at him and saw for the first time a faint sadness in that chubby face.

Oh let it be, she thought, it’s Christmas after all.

“David, come here,” she said “Along with Mark, you will be one of the 2 Inn owners who turn Joseph & Mary away.”

As David ran across the hall, his chubby smile was bright enough to light a hundred Christmas trees.

“M…Mi…Miss” he asked panting nervously “What do I have to say?”

“Don’t worry,” said Miss Diane “all you and Mark have to say is ‘We have no room here. Go Away.’ Now can you remember that David?”

“Yes Miss, Yes Miss” replied David grinning like a fat little Cheshire cat.

As Christmas Eve approached, all the other kids got busy with their shopping and gifts and decorating the trees in their front yards, but David did nothing but repeat, over and over again, his one single line of dialogue: We have no room here. Go Away!

Finally it was Christmas eve and all the parents gathered in the school auditorium eager to see their children perform.

As the 3rd graders sang their off-tune version of Jingle Bells on stage, David began to nervously fiddle with his fake beard and robe.

Finally the giggling 3rd graders were ushered off stage and as the curtain came down the teachers all quickly began to set up the stage for the Nativity play.

As David nervously waited, he was pulled and taken behind a fake door by Miss Diane where he was to wait till Joseph and Mary came knocking.

We have no room here. Go Away! We have no room here. Go Away!, he silently repeated to himself.

From behind the fake door he heard the curtain go up and all the parents clap. My parents are also sitting there, he proudly thought.

Then he heard Joseph & Mary come onstage with a donkey, which he knew was actually Peter and John under a donkey costume. David smiled to himself, remembering how the two had fidgeted endlessly during rehearsals driving Miss Diane crazy.

Then it was time for Joseph & Mary to knock on the first Inn door.

They knocked on Mark’s Inn.

“Dear Sir,” said Joseph “could you spare a room for my wife and me?”

“We have no room here. Go Away!” said Mark.

“But we are tired and it is night already,” pleaded Joseph “even a small room will do sir”

“We have no room here. Go Away!” repeated Mark as sternly as a 4th grader could and then he slammed the door shut on Joseph's face.

In the audience, Mark’s parents almost burst with pride.

Next was David’s turn.

We have no room here. We have no room here. Go Away! repeated David silently for the final time even as Joseph knocked on his door.

David opened the door and saw Joseph & Mary standing before him and behind them he saw a hundred eyes in the audience, all looking at him.

But David was not nervous. Afterall he knew his line.

“Kind Sir, can you please spare us a room at your Inn?” said Joseph.

“We have no room here. Go Away!” said David proudly, with what he hoped, was a stern voice.

“My wife is tired and we have been walking the whole day” said Joseph “please kind Sir, spare us a small room”

And then little David froze.

He could not utter a single word.

“Can you spare us a room Sir,” repeated Joseph once more.

And yet David was mute.

Miss Diane stood in the wings frantically prompting him his one single line of dialogue:

We have no room here. Go Away!

But David didn’t utter a single word.

Many parents in the audience were beginning to fidget nervously by now.

“Just say your stupid line, Duffy,” hissed little Pam who was playing Mary “Just say your line stupid.”

But David still stood there unmoving.

In the back of the hall, someone began to cough.

“Please dear sir,” tried Joseph once again, trying desperately to save the play “my wife is with child and we are hungry. Please sir, please spare us a room”

AND then David spoke.

“We have no room here,” he finally said in a soft voice with tears rolling down his chubby cheeks .

Then with a bright smile emerging through those tears he caught Joseph’s hand and added

“But you can have my room. You and your wife can stay in my room. I will sleep outside.”

A few people in the audience thought that the play had been ruined.

But for all the others, this was the greatest Christmas play they have ever seen.

------------------- * -------------------

Nice story naa???

Merry X’Mas everyone. And have Happy New Year.

With All My Luv

Vish

Wait Till They Get To The Story of Ram & Sita.

STATUTORY WARNING: You may find this post offensive and hurtful. So if you are a closet radical (or a Republican) OR have any affiliations with a certain Mr. Thackerey and his type OR if FOX news is your favourite channel, then this is probably a good time to stop reading.



IMMACULATE CONCEPTION??


A few days ago I had blogged about us Asians being very thin skinned. And that’s just S.E. Asia. The Middle East, I am not even going to get started on.

And just a day after that I came across this report about a poster in New Zealand put up right around the advent of Christmas and commissioned by (hold your breath here) the St. Matthew church itself.

It shows a dejected-looking Joseph lying in bed next to Mary under the caption,

"Poor Joseph. God was a hard act to follow".



St Matthew’s Church in Auckland, which erected the billboard, said it had intended to provoke debate.

Quite predictably the larger Catholic Church community, among others, has condemned it as "inappropriate" and "disrespectful" (which, quite frankly and with due regard to freedom of speech etc, it was).

Anyway within hours of its unveiling, the billboard had been defaced with brown paint by someone who I am guessing was a very devout Christian.

Meanwhile the church's vicar, Archdeacon Glynn Cardy, said the aim of the billboard had been to lampoon the literal interpretation of the Christmas conception story.


"What we're trying to do is to get people to think more about what Christmas is all about," he said.

"Is it about a spiritual male God sending down sperm so a child would be born, or is it about the power of love in our midst as seen in Jesus?"

Archdeacon Cardy said the church had asked an advertising agency to come up with a few ideas in November, and that the billboard they chose was infact one of the less radical ones offered up to them.

"One of the options we turned down had a sperm coming down with the words 'Joy To The World' " he said.

Last month a campaign by New Zealand Atheist Bus Campaign raised $20,000 in public donations to fund bus ads which read:

"There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life".

Those ads created a storm when they ran on the London Underground and British buses this year.

Similar ads have run in the United States, Canada, Italy, Spain, Australia, Finland and Germany.

Now the point here is not about the moral accuracy of these posters and what they symbolize.

It’s the amazing ability to have a discussion without resorting to burning buses, destroying public property, death threats etc.

Dissent with just a can of paint??

Can we expect that in India???

We should be so lucky.

So when they say developing countries, maybe they aren’t just talking about out economies.

Think about it.

Till next time.

Luv

Vish

First Look: My Name Is Khan

THE NAME'S KHAN. KING KHAN.


In a few days you will probably be inundated with this but for now, here's the first look at 2010's most awaited movie.

MY NAME IS KHAN

SRK-Kajol what's not to like.... and like Swades and Chak De India, SRK seems to be in fine form here.

Enjoy

Luv

Vish

(I know, i know.... another film based post but what to do.... i am like that only :-) )

New Ice Cream Flavour: Cookies & Controversy

ARE WE TOO THIN SKINNED ?

International ice-cream giant Haagen Dazs opened its first outlet in India at a mall in Delhi. And as usual they hung up banners and posters in various parts of the mall announcing the opening.

On the day of the opening they were giving away free scoops, which following the Indian predilection for freebies, caused a near stampede.

.

.

Now among this teeming crowd who were shouting, pushing and shoving for free scoops was our dear Mr. Ramit (name changed at his own request and who now apparently prefers to remain unnamed). He decided that he too wanted some free scoops and tried to enter the store.

But the crowd inside was beginning to resemble a riot scene with people climbing over heads and turbans (remember this is Delhi) grabbing free scoops with their bare hands to pass on to Chunnu and Munnu and Chunnu-Munnu ki mummy, who of course was herself busy shouting back to Chunnu-Munnu da Papa that the flavor she wanted was not this “Vanilla-Shanilla” but infact “Buttar-Scoh”.

“Hum toh Punjabi hain,” she mused to herself “hum to Buttar-Chicken kahte hain aur Scoh peete hain ji. Ab Buttar aur Scoh miljaye to kyon choondo. Woh bhi free.”

Anyway I digress, coming back to the story, our Mr. Ramit and the others waiting outside were told by the management that due to the excessive crowd inside the shop it would not be possible to give any more free scoops to anyone else.

With dreams of free ice-cream fast melting (pardon the pun but I just could not resist), Mr. Ramit decided he’d get something or the other free that day. By Hook or by Crook.

What’s the use of coming to a mall if you cant get free things? Right?

And then he remembered Andy Warhol and his free promise of 15 minutes of fame.

So he took out his mobile (ji-haan with 2.5 mega pixel camera, polyphonic ringtone and plastic cover) and took a picture of the poster outside the shop.

This picture he then sent to his ‘friend’ at the Times Of India.

Now Indian stories, like Indian food is too bland to consume without its customary masala, so our Mr. Ramit too helpfully added some from his imagination and lied that he was not allowed to enter the store specifically because he was an Indian. (Remember: Hook or by Crook )

Not that the Haagen Dazs people were not to blame. Their ad campaign was geared to give the message that the ‘taste of abroad’ was now available right here in India. But they also added the unnecessary line saying “Access Restricted to Holders of International Passports”.

Someone should have told them that reverse sarcasm and innuendo does not work in India.

.

We haven’t yet learnt to laugh at ourselves.

Meanwhile the Times Of India fruitcake who was to later write an enraged rant on his blog about the imagined allusions to racism and apartheid (why apartheid???) had a very odd first response (as he himself admits on his blog). The apparent horror came later, but the first thing he advised his 'friend' was in itself a very racist one. And here I quote from his blog.

“My friend Ramit called me late Friday night. He sounded quite agitated. “You know, Haagen Dazs has opened its Delhi outlet”. I reacted with a joke. “Good, now you can spend a lot more on an ice cream than you normally would. But why are you agitated?”

“Because I am not allowed to enter”, he said. He did not waste much time and said he has taken a picture and is mailing me the reason. I switched on my mail, and clicked on the attachment. I couldn’t believe what I saw. Was I in India, 62 years after gaining independence, and years after South Africa officially ended apartheid?

Access restricted only to holders of international passports.

I immediately called Ramit. “You are an international traveler, and you have a passport, so you can go in”, I said. Ramit’s response was instant: "I tried to enter but they said you are not allowed for you don’t have an international passport.”

Surprising that Mr. Blogger's first response wasn't immediate anger as it should have been but infact it was to tell his 'friend' to use his internationally travelled passport to get some free ice-cream.

Seriously ??? And then you lecture us on morality?

And this strange Mr. Ramit? Did the poster offend him only after he was denied a free scoop?

Because I am pretty sure that NO ONE at the store ever told this free-ice-cream-crazed floozy that he could not enter because he was 'an Indian' nor do I suppose they asked him to show an ‘international passport’ just to taste some free ice cream.

But looks like hell hath no fury like a free scoop denied.

After writing on the blog the twit from Times of India then decided to inflame things further and included it on Facebook and Twitter.

With a billion plus Indians available, it didn’t take long before it went viral and then all hell broke loose.

First as usual, the Netas decided to reconfirm that they don’t have a sense of humour and went ballistic. Effigies were to be burnt but they could not find any picture of “Mr. Dazs”.

Meanwhile Raj Thackerey was livid that this store was not in Bombay for his goons to loot and vandalize.

The Communist Party of India wisely nodded their octogenarian heads and said “Foreign is Bad. We told you so.” while Amar Singh somehow tried to insinuate that his bete-noire Mayawati secretly liked eating Haagen Dazs.

And bloggers everywhere went crazy.

“Let’s egg the store” said one. “No, No lets burn the store down” added another.

India TV (as usual the first to catch on to such 'news') went out to the streets to take the ‘pulse of the people’.

“We Indians have been insulted” said one guy wearing a made-in-Sarojini-Nagar ‘I Love NY’ tee-shirt.

“They don’t respect our great nation” said another even as he went to urinate on a nearby wall.

“Who are these stooopid white foreigners? To hell with them. We should be proud of who we are.” chirped in another girl, seemingly unaware of the irony in the fact that she had a little too much Fair&Lovely on her face.

Anyway Jokes apart.

Was the ad badly written? Absolutely!

Was the joke lost on crazy Indians? Sure!

Was it a BAD idea to offer free scoops in a crowded mall in India? Hell YES!

But Was it racist? I don’t think so.

Haagen Dazs may be an international brand (established quite ironically by Polish immigrants) but the franchisee is an Indian as were the people who wrote the ad.

So what does it make them? Racist against themselves?

Maybe we just need to grow a thicker skin.

If some stupid ad in a mall will 'destroy' your dignity you probably did not have much to begin with.

Now lets get THAT into our thick heads.

And as for Haagen Dazs, go have a kulfi instead.

Your Thoughts Please.

Luv

Vish

VODKA FLAVORED CHILLY DUCK
(Or Maybe Its The Other Way Around)

There have been too many film based blogs lately (too many holidays and so too many movies to see) so today I thought I’d do one on a great and simple recipe I tried over the weekend.

POULET A LA CANARD
(To serve 2)

OK Ok I admit I just jazzed it up…actually you can jazz up anything as long as you say it in French but anyway its just chicken that looks like duck.

Ingredients:

2 Chicken Thigh (with skin on please and if you are on a diet forget this and go munch on a celery stick)
2 tbsp chilly flakes
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp oyster sauce
1 tbsp honey
2 tbsp red-wine vinegar (if you don’t have this add 1 tbsp vinegar and 2 tbsp red wine)
Fresh black pepper
2 tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil (I wonder if humans can also be extra virgin?)
1 tbsp garlic powder
1 tsp ajinomoto
1 peg vodka (good vodka please)

2 glasses of rum (Old Monk works best here)

Procedure:

Take 1 glass of rum and add some cola and some ice. Keep nearby and sip.

Take the remaining glass of rum and mix all the ingredients into it. Add Salt as per your taste.
Marinate chicken thighs in mixture for about 30 min minimum (overnight works best) and while it is marinating keep sipping and refilling the 1st glass. Feel free to take your glass of rum and wander around the house during this 1/2 hour.

Heat oven to 250 degrees.

In a suitable sized (just big enough for the 2 thighs) baking tray/dish arrange the chicken (with all the marinade). The marinade will seem a lot with the chicken almost drowning in it but that is what will make the bottom juicy.

Cook till the top skin is crispy and crackling. You will be a couple of glasses of rum down by this time so do try and see that you can differentiate between crispy and burnt.
While removing do not baste the chicken with the juices. The remaining marinate can be thrown away. I know it has rum and vodka in it but its probably not fit to drink.

The chicken will be soft and succulent with a nice crispy skin a la Peking Duck.

Serve on a bed of mashed potatoes and a side of fresh sautéed veggies.

Some might find the vodka plus rum a little excessive (certainly not any of my friends) but I have recently found that the vodka helps to make the skin even more crisp.

And for the cold days there is another brilliant cocktail idea courtesy my neighbor from Darjeeling who shall remain unnamed due to religious and cultural reasons (gettit ???)

THE HOT-NOT VODKA

In a tall highball glass add the following

60 ml (1 large shot) of good quality vodka (unflavored). Grey Goose is a but expensive but works best.
2 fresh green chillies split through the middle
60 ml of 7-UP
60 ml of lemonade.
Top with soda (or water).


The best part is that the chillies can be sensed (esp as you lift it to drink) but not tasted.
And for all the Nepalis who are reading this post, our famous ‘dalle’ will probably NOT be a good substitute for the green chillies.

Enjoy the winter.

Luv

Vishal

Movie Review: Rocket Singh- Salesman of the Year

RANBIR KAPOOR: Actor Of The Year

Rocket Singh - Salesman Of The Year

* Ranbir Kapoor

Writer : Jaideep Sahni

Director: Shimit Amin

India and its middle class can be quite clearly divided between the pre and post Manmohan Singh days. Everything before that was tinged with a layer of dishonesty & sleaze and while corruption is far from over, the advent of better days seem to have been heralded with his brand of clean and honest politics.



With Rahul Gandhi and the other bright young guns in politics now, with the resurgent media and examples like the Jessica Lal campaign leading to Manu Sharma’s conviction and with the rejection of the BJP’s divisive policies during the last elections, the middle class is slowly but surely beginning to dare to dream of a better India.


To use Obama’s words, the youth of India now have the audacity to hope of a cleaner, better and a more truthful India.

Rocket Singh taps into this brilliantly.

When Harpreet Singh (Ranbir Kapoor) or H.P as he’s called by his friends begins work as a fresh new salesman, his honest way of dealing and refusal to offer or accept bribes seems quaint and naïve. Even as recent as 10 years ago this character would have been seen as a loser.



But then as the movie progresses and HP (who has become Rocket Singh by now) sticks to his principles and succeeds, his boss and his old way of dealing with bribes and kickbacks becomes (to use one of the character’s phrase) ‘history’.

With all due respect to the Ambani brothers and all their high ranking in the richest lists and for all their money, the one thing they sorely lack is solid respectability. The moral authority to stand and call someone like Mamata Banerjee a fool to her face. That is what someone like Ratan Tata can do.


That is why the TATA brand is almost synonymous with quality and trust and it’s no coincidence that the next job Rocket Singh takes on after being fired from his job at AYS computers is at Chroma which is a TATA enterprise.

Maybe in Rocket Singh we can aspire for a model of a citizen that will nudge India from the developing to the developed status. An India whose promise of democracy and transparency triumphs over the oppression and moral ambiguity of China.



Rocket Singh is not without its faults though. It could have been much shorter and frankly a little more entertaining, especially in the first half. At times it tends to plod along but its greatest strengths lies in its writing.

It is as non-filmy as you can possibly get out of Bollywood and some of the characters and spaces are exceptionally well etched. Case in point is the office atmosphere at AYS computers and the dress and body language of the salesmen working there.



You can almost smell the damp sweat as they come back from their sales calls. Infact in each of their faces you can recognize all the hundreds of salesmen who have over the years knocked on your own door selling everything from water filters to encyclopedias.



All the supporting characters are excellent with the best being the tea boy Chotelal Mishra. Watch him wince involuntarily every time he is called “cup-plate”. Even the romance is handled with…what’s the word here…. Aah yes…Normalcy. Its exactly how a budding romance unfolds. No singing no dancing no drama….just plain simple middle class love.

But at the end this movie belongs to one person. That is ofcourse, apart from the director Shimit Amin and writer Jaideep Sahni.




And that person is Ranbir Kapoor.


I have certainly watched Baazigar, Deewana and Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman but have no real recollection of the exact time. But when Darr came out I was in college in Bangalore and like the movie buff I am, I vividly remember watching it twice at a cinema called Rex on Brigade Road.
And as Shah Rukh Khan rolled both his eyes and his K’s in that movie I was acutely aware that we were seeing the emergence of a solid superstar.

After the good husband Sunny Deol punches the hell out of SRK for stalking and harassing his wife, a bloodied and bruised SRK falls at Sunny’s feet and begs for forgiveness. As Sunny hesitates and begins to show some pity, SRK gets up and repeatedly stabs him. Instead of a gasp, I remember the whole theater erupting in cheers.



Tu either Haan Kar, Yah Naa Kar, the fact was that King Khan was born.

A month back as I sat in another theatre (this time in Darjeeling) watching the Ajab/Gajab movie I came to a similar conclusion.

Ranbir Kapoor is the next superstar.

And in Rocket Singh he takes a simple one dimensional role and adds so much subtlety and nuance to it that you cannot help but root for him.


Action, comedy, drama, dancing…. He does everything brilliantly and more importantly he does it absolutely naturally. And he seems to be choosing his roles also very well. Just 5 films old and look at the range....Saawariya, Bachna Aye Haseeno, Wake Up Sid, Ajab Prem Ki...., Rocket Singh and then he has Rajniti coming up.
There is really no stopping him now. Shahid Kapur eat your heart out.

This movie is a bit slow and has no item numbers and big showdowns etc but if you like intelligent films then Rocket Singh is the movie to watch.

Enjoy



Luv


Vishal

Tiger Woods

THE TIGER IS A CHEETAH

Dear Readers,

I have oft quoted from the wonderfully witty Andy Borowitz and this time too he’s come up with a crazily sharp observation (tongue-in-cheek ofcourse) about the seemingly unending list of women who claim to be his ‘hole-in-one’.

Sorry I couldn’t resist the last pun and if Tiger jokes/puns are what you are interested in, then I’ve included some at the bottom for your perverse pleasure.

Suddenly the William Blake poem he’d always been associated with seems to now have a different meaning…

Tiger Tiger Burning Bright
In The Forests Of The Night

Enjoy

Vish

Mistresses of Tiger Woods March on Washington
Crowd Estimated at Over One Million
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - In one of the largest mass demonstrations in recent history, over one million women claiming to have had sexual liaisons with Tiger Woods marched on Washington today.

Determined to show that they are a political force to be reckoned with, the coalition of nightclub hostesses, cocktail waitresses and lingerie models stopped traffic for hours as they marched to the Capitol.

Shandy Shanoyne, a 22-year-old thong publicist who had an on-again, off-again relationship with Mr. Woods, said that she organized the march to demand benefits, such as health care and workmen's compensation, for the golfer's many girlfriends.

"We are sick and tired of being told to take our names off our voicemail greetings," she said. "We have demands and they must be met. Quickly. Huge."

According to Ms. Shanoyne, the million or so mistresses of Mr. Woods who showed up at the march are just the tip of the iceberg: "A new girlfriend of Tiger's holds a press conference every eleven seconds."

In a related story, David Letterman today cleared all the golf clubs out of his house.

And finally some Tiger Woods Jokes:

· The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. "I can't remember," Elin said, "just put me down for a 5."

· What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal? They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian. (Of course, Elin is actually Swedish. But poetic license is allowed in jokes.)

· Did you hear Tiger changed his name to Cheetah?

· Did you hear Nike's new motto? Just do me.

· Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

· What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

· Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.

· Tiger has a new movie coming out. It's called Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

· Tiger admitted this crash was the closest shave he’s ever had. So Gillette has dropped his contract.

· The only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is his wife.

· Q: What course gives Tiger the most trouble? A: Intercourse.

Most of the above come from amateur quipsters but the professionals are having a field day with Tiger's troubles, too. For example:

· Stephen Colbert: "Tiger always gives 110 percent. That is why he gave 100 percent to his wife and still had 10 percent left over for his alleged mistress."

· Conan O'Brien: "One of the women who claims she slept with Tiger Woods says they never talked about golf while having sex. However, contractually Tiger was obligated to talk about Nike, Gatorade and American Express."

Movie Review: Paa

THIS Paa NEEDS A Maa

PAA

*ing Amitabh Bachchan, Abhishek Bachchan & Vidya Balan

Lyrics: Swanand Kirkire

Music: Illiyaraja

Writer & Director: R Balki

There are 2 great performances in Paa and no, it is not Amitabh or Abhishek I’m talking about here. But more on that later.

As most of you may already know this movie is about Progeria, which after dyslexia & tsunami should be the new word for eager middle class Indians to drop at parties with that familiar propensity to be a Mr. know-it-all.

Anyway the director Balki in only his second film (after the underrated Cheeni Kum) shows that he is a very very good writer above all else. The wit and humour he is able to extract from everyday conversation in very reminiscent of Cheeni Kum. Remember the scene where after being wooed by an older man, Tabu asks him to run across a park and run back. And when a panting Amitabh asks the reason behind it she smilingly says “I just wanted to be sure you still have the energy for sex.”

And sex (pre-marital and un-protected) is what the couple in Paa have, which leads to a demand for an abortion + anger = single motherhood and all that jazz...

Anyway Paa also has some very funny lines which are woven so well into the conversation that you can only wish directors like Priyadarshan and David Dhawan would pay attention and pick up a few tips. Comedy without being silly or corny or slap-stick or crude. What a bloody relief.

But then Balki does have his drawbacks too. There is a completely unnecessary and high-pitched rant at the media involving Abhishek as the yuppie M.P. with a segment at Doordarshan that looks so amateur and silly that you wonder how this fool ever got elected in the first place. His look seems to have been modeled on Rahul Gandhi but his maturity and behaviour on Laloo Yadav. Such a waste.

Performance wise, Abhishek doesn’t have much to do in the movie and what little is required of him he delivers.

Now while the Indian media have been going gaga over Amitabh’s performance it should be worth noting that while it is certainly very very good, it isn’t great by any standard. In Bollywood we are cursed with so much of crap that Mediocrity sometimes gets mistaken for Genius.

The boy, Auro is supposed to be about 12 and while he acts like one, he sometimes talks like a much older man. It maybe to get the story moving or to inject some humour but clearly some things he says and does are not what a normal 12 year old would say or do. Progeria I checked (googled) accelerates the physical ageing of the person but certainly not his mental maturity.

But like always we do tend to favour any kind of work which involves a physical handicap. Hollywood stars have known it for years and Bollywood seems to be catching up too. It’s to Amitabh’s credit that Auro stops just short of being gimmicky but as far as portrayals of children go, I’d give higher marks to Hrithik in Koi Mil Gaya.

Now coming to the 2 best performances I spoke about in the beginning.

First of all its Vidya Balan in what must be her best performance since Parineeta. Infact I’d rate it even higher coz there the script was tailor made for her. Here her character graph is sketchy at best. She essentially has a 2 dimensional role to play. Jilted Lover & Doting Mother.
So it is to her entire credit that she fleshes out the character so well that instead of the Father-Son movie that this movie’s tag line suggests it is, it instead becomes more of a warm and touching mother-son story. Whenever she is with Auro you can literally feel the maternal love coming out of every pore. And she is supported here by the very touchingly real portrayal of an adoring grandmother by the lady called BUM (I didn’t get her name) who I last remember seeing in Dil Se.

The other great performance is by Jaya Bachchan. Clearly a doting mother and for Abhishek’s first movie as producer, she comes on screen for about 2 minutes and does nothing but sit down and read out the credits. So it’s like..... “Costume Designer. Sabyasachi Mukherjee. Music Director. Illayaraja. Lyrics. Swanand Kirkire”..... and so on but then again it is to her immense talent as an actress that she makes that interesting with just that little smile here and a nod there. What a great actress.

And just for her and Vidya, this movie would have been so much better off being call Maa instead.

The Paa is a bumbling fool. But Maa, as always is all heart.

Afterall, Tujhe Sab Hai Pata Hai Na Maa…..

Certainly worth a watch.


Luv

Vishal

Movie Review: De Dana Dan

DE SOME GAALI INSTEAD

DE DANA DAN

*ing Akshay Kumar, Paresh Rawal, Suneil Shetty, Katrina Kaif & 25 other bufoons

Filmed by Priyadarshan

Against my own personal judgement and inspite of my head telling me to stay away, stay away, STAY AWAY, I made the mistake of going to watch De Dana Dan. This is the new movie ‘filmed’ by Priyadarshan (to use his own words because ‘directed by’ would be saying too much for a movie like this)

Anyway 10 min into the movie you realize the 45+ Suneil Shetty is romancing Sameera Reddy.

12min in and Chunky Pandey (who must surely be nearing 50 coz his skin has acquired the texture of well worn leather) is introduced as the prospective hubby for Katrina Kaif.

You may argue that with a movie like this it is quite mandatory that you leave your brains at the door, but even then…..seriously??? …. Katrina & Chunky Pandey??? REALLY??

The movie also has Akshay Kumar but at this stage that isn’t saying much.

I have a sad feeling that Akshay is slowly going the Govinda way. Some Bad movies became a hit and he did so many of them that he got caught in the rut and never came out.

Anyway, in the movie the Indian Ambassador to Singapore gets kicked in the chest, man-handled by his bro-in-law, solicited by a prostitute and accused of molesting someone’s wife…. and this is supposed to be funny.

And then quite inexplicable the lead actor Akshay (who despite his faults does have some great screen presence) is locked away in a cupboard for almost 40 min of the 2nd half.

And Akshay seems almost happy to be locked away from this awful, awful movie.

I remember reading somewhere that these type of movies are referred to as a ‘home productions’.

In other words you know it is going to be awful but you do it anyway to buy yourself a new house with the money.

Think about it.

Kareena in Mr. & Mrs. Khanna. Amitabh (who just bought a Lamborghini) in Aladin.

Sanjay Dutt in Blue or for that matter Kylie Minogue who agreed to almost sink her career in Blue with that Jiggy-Wiggy song. All home productions (or in Amitabh's case a 'car production').

De Dana Dan has almost 25 characters and if they all had humour as the common bond then this movie would have been a masterpiece. Alas the only thing they have in common (besides some awful, awful acting) is the decibel level they speak in.

Everybody seems to be shouting in the movie. EVERYBODY! And sometimes for no reason at all. I've heard of loud acting but this movie takes the cake.

I don’t know about you but when Neha Dhupia (in a 10 minute appearance ) is by far the sanest character in a movie, it is usually a pretty good sign that the movie is appalling.

And to top it all it is almost 3hours long.

That’s 3 hours of my life I’ll never get back. But you can save yours.

Till next time and maybe another movie (New Moon)….

Luv

Vishal