Movie Review: I Hate Luv Storys

A LOVE-HATE MOVIE

I HATE LUV STORYS

* Imran Khan, Sonam Kapoor, Samir Dattani

Music - Vishal Shekhar

Director: Punit Malhotra

In an upcoming film (Once Upon A Time In Mumbai) there is a song where one of the lines goes like this:

“Tere sang chain bhi mujhko, tere sang bekarari hai.” (With you I find contentment and with you restlessness too.)

Watching I Hate Luv Storys I had a similar experience.

For its genre and for what it was promising to be, it was a fair deal. And yet there were moments when my concentration was wandering and I was left thinking of various other things like did i turn off the lights in my flat or should i go for indian or chinese after the movie (food that is in case you are wondering).
And like I’ve always said, whenever that happens at the movies it is never a good sign.

IHLS is not a bad film. Infact it has many things going for it, like a soundtrack that’s both rocking and soulful, lead actors who are photogenic and from the yuppie gen-x, costumes, art direction, cinematography everything is top notch, but all the individual parts somehow don’t come together as a cohesive whole.

Imran Khan playing J or Jay Dhingra looks fairer, prettier and more delicate than Sonam and I suspect the director realized this and in many scenes he’s made to sport a stubble. He is very earnest and can act well too but the guy seriously needs to get two things in control. His Pout and his Eyebrows. In many scenes, his (extremely bushy) eyebrows seem to be acting independently of the rest of his face.

Fascinating? Yes! Interesting ?? NO. Unless you happen to be a hair care specialist.

And then there is the pout. With Imran (and I guess the tween girls must love that very pout) it has always been quite pronounced but more so when he is lip synching to the songs. Watch him in the title track and during ‘Sadka Kiya’. Nemo pouts less than Imran.

Sonam Kapoor plays the filmy Simran (presumably after Kajol’s character in DDLJ). Last year in the Indian version of GQ, the irrepressible Shoobaa De was asked to comment on the current crop of heroines and for Sonam, she had this to say: “Pretty but Very Boring and with Zero Sex Appeal.”

Well, what can I say to top that?

Don’t get me wrong, Sonam is very pretty (and fashionable) but there is something very ‘behenji’ about her that never seems to transcend into a matinee idol status. In the Sadka Kiya song, she is dressed in the obligatory chiffon sarees with blouses that look suspiciously like bikini tops and yet as she reclines on an artistically placed dead-wood she arouses no passion whatsoever. Kajol & Kareena can show more oomph with a glance. For me Sonam is the A-List version of Amrita Rao.

Samir Dattani plays Sonam’s fiancée Raj and his character is again so one dimensional that right from the time he comes on screen with his fugly shirt you know he doesn’t stand a chance in hell. I know he’s the second lead and that J and Simran are meant for each other but when will Bollywood learn that when you begin to flesh out the secondary characters, you make us care more about the turns in the story. Poor Raj here is such a caricature that you never feel for Simran & J’s breakups simply because you know Simran cant possibly love that cardboard cut out that is Raj.

J’s friend. I don’t know his name but the fat friend gets some of the movie’s best lines and rocks them every time. His delivery, timing, expressions are all spot on. When the usually non-sentimental J begins to fall in love and comes rushing into the office asking where’s Simran, Fatty deadpans “Kyun, kya tu uske baache ki maa banne wala hai?” (Why, are you pregnant with her child?) or the time when he shows J his hilarious and yet apt graph about the Hot quotient of girls versus their ‘natak’ and somehow how this is all tied up in Profit and Loss.

TV star Aamir Ali plays the Movie star in IHLS and he is suitably wacky and obnoxious. I don’t know if he was modeled on Salman Khan but he brings the house down when he parades around in tight jeans because the girls allegedly ‘love his tight butt’.

Music: Vishal Shekhar give what is probably their best soundtrack ever. The title song is rocking and Bahara, Bin Tere and Sadka Kiya are all very hummable and memorably picturized. On the album Bahara has a Chill version sung but Rahat Fateh Ali Khan and it’s a surprise this is not used in the movie. Its much better than the Shreya Ghosal one.

The director is Punit Malhotra who’s the nephew of fashion designer Manish Malhotra and so the look of the film is great with tees and skirts snug and fitting but somehow the script seems a little loose.

Great to look at and a not a bad way to pass the time at the cinemas but IHLS leaves you a little ‘bekerar’ for more.

Simran looks pretty, J looks prettier and Raj is Fugly. But Love & Passion?? Naa! Not in this movie.

But can you blame them?

After all the title song HAD warned us…

“Mil gaye jo chora chori,
Hui masti thodi thodi.
Bas Pyar ka naam na lena,
I Hate Luv Storys.”

Movie Review: Paa

THIS Paa NEEDS A Maa

PAA

*ing Amitabh Bachchan, Abhishek Bachchan & Vidya Balan

Lyrics: Swanand Kirkire

Music: Illiyaraja

Writer & Director: R Balki

There are 2 great performances in Paa and no, it is not Amitabh or Abhishek I’m talking about here. But more on that later.

As most of you may already know this movie is about Progeria, which after dyslexia & tsunami should be the new word for eager middle class Indians to drop at parties with that familiar propensity to be a Mr. know-it-all.

Anyway the director Balki in only his second film (after the underrated Cheeni Kum) shows that he is a very very good writer above all else. The wit and humour he is able to extract from everyday conversation in very reminiscent of Cheeni Kum. Remember the scene where after being wooed by an older man, Tabu asks him to run across a park and run back. And when a panting Amitabh asks the reason behind it she smilingly says “I just wanted to be sure you still have the energy for sex.”

And sex (pre-marital and un-protected) is what the couple in Paa have, which leads to a demand for an abortion + anger = single motherhood and all that jazz...

Anyway Paa also has some very funny lines which are woven so well into the conversation that you can only wish directors like Priyadarshan and David Dhawan would pay attention and pick up a few tips. Comedy without being silly or corny or slap-stick or crude. What a bloody relief.

But then Balki does have his drawbacks too. There is a completely unnecessary and high-pitched rant at the media involving Abhishek as the yuppie M.P. with a segment at Doordarshan that looks so amateur and silly that you wonder how this fool ever got elected in the first place. His look seems to have been modeled on Rahul Gandhi but his maturity and behaviour on Laloo Yadav. Such a waste.

Performance wise, Abhishek doesn’t have much to do in the movie and what little is required of him he delivers.

Now while the Indian media have been going gaga over Amitabh’s performance it should be worth noting that while it is certainly very very good, it isn’t great by any standard. In Bollywood we are cursed with so much of crap that Mediocrity sometimes gets mistaken for Genius.

The boy, Auro is supposed to be about 12 and while he acts like one, he sometimes talks like a much older man. It maybe to get the story moving or to inject some humour but clearly some things he says and does are not what a normal 12 year old would say or do. Progeria I checked (googled) accelerates the physical ageing of the person but certainly not his mental maturity.

But like always we do tend to favour any kind of work which involves a physical handicap. Hollywood stars have known it for years and Bollywood seems to be catching up too. It’s to Amitabh’s credit that Auro stops just short of being gimmicky but as far as portrayals of children go, I’d give higher marks to Hrithik in Koi Mil Gaya.

Now coming to the 2 best performances I spoke about in the beginning.

First of all its Vidya Balan in what must be her best performance since Parineeta. Infact I’d rate it even higher coz there the script was tailor made for her. Here her character graph is sketchy at best. She essentially has a 2 dimensional role to play. Jilted Lover & Doting Mother.
So it is to her entire credit that she fleshes out the character so well that instead of the Father-Son movie that this movie’s tag line suggests it is, it instead becomes more of a warm and touching mother-son story. Whenever she is with Auro you can literally feel the maternal love coming out of every pore. And she is supported here by the very touchingly real portrayal of an adoring grandmother by the lady called BUM (I didn’t get her name) who I last remember seeing in Dil Se.

The other great performance is by Jaya Bachchan. Clearly a doting mother and for Abhishek’s first movie as producer, she comes on screen for about 2 minutes and does nothing but sit down and read out the credits. So it’s like..... “Costume Designer. Sabyasachi Mukherjee. Music Director. Illayaraja. Lyrics. Swanand Kirkire”..... and so on but then again it is to her immense talent as an actress that she makes that interesting with just that little smile here and a nod there. What a great actress.

And just for her and Vidya, this movie would have been so much better off being call Maa instead.

The Paa is a bumbling fool. But Maa, as always is all heart.

Afterall, Tujhe Sab Hai Pata Hai Na Maa…..

Certainly worth a watch.


Luv

Vishal

Movie Review: London Dreams

LONDON DREAMS

*ing Salman Khan, Ajay Devgn, Asin.

Music: Shankar Ehsaan Loy

Lyrics: Prasoon Joshi

Director: Vipul A Shah

London Dreams is from the new genre of movies I like to call WTFWTT or

“What The Fcuk Were They Thinking?”

Seriously… there is so much in this movie (if you can call it a movie) that doesn’t work and all I can do is list them for you.

a) Ajay Devgn. He started out as an action star and then did some pretty good work as a dramatic actor (Company, Zakhm), some good romantic films (Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam) and even did some comedy which may not have been his forte but which did make money (Golmaal, All The Best). And he is a pretty decent actor too. But there is one thing that he is NOT, and that is a Rock Star. The poor guy is hopelessly miscast as an international rock star.

Mr. Devgn does not look like one and certainly doesn’t move like one. And it’s nothing to do with his age. After all Bon Jovi is around 40, Bono around 50, Paul McCartney is about 6o and Keith Richards’ age is probably about all the 3 put together. So no it’s not that.

Ajay is just not built to be a rockstar. NO. Not even with his name now spelt as Devgn.

b) Salman Khan whose buffoonery was what propelled Wanted into the super hit status can’t expect to do the same in serious movies. Till the time that he’s playing the village idiot he’s ok but the moment he’s expected to perform during dramatic scenes he continues to act like a buffoon and that is certainly a problem. And he seems to have shot for this movie either during or just before his hair transplant and he looks bad. He may have been the ‘Handsomest Man In The World’ and all that jazz, but at 45+ he is beginning to look haggard.

c) The Setting. Why London? Why couldn’t it have been Bombay? Why Wembley when Brabourne stadium would have been just fine. Or better. That way the songs would have worked. The audience rocking to the songs would have been plausible. The whole damn movie would have been more believable. There was absolutely no reason to set it in London and the movie suffers for it. Globalization maybe the catchphrase nowadays but there is no way I am going to believe young London girls rocking, raving and going crazy about an ageing Indian band. Who by the way, sing in Hindi. And whose songs are sometimes Raga based. No fcuking way. Then they go on to rock Paris & Rome too. Seriously???

How do u say “What The Fcuk?” in Italian?

d) Asin. I was one of the few who did not like her in Ghajini. However compared to this movie, Ghajini is like a bloody masterpiece. To be fair you can’t blame her. It’s her character which has been written so badly. She is a bharatnatyam dancer from a conservative British-Tamilian family who secretly wants to dance like a ‘pop star’. After much fake tension with the father who subsequently gets a dramatic lecture from Ajay Devgn about following dreams and all that jazz, what does she do??? She becomes a glorified background dancer in the band.

The only person who benefited from such a career is Britney’s former background dancer and husband, Kevin Federline. Maybe that’s who her character was modeled on.

e) Music. On its own the music by S-E-L is great. But in the movie it doesn’t gel. Not a single song stays with you after the movie.

f) Credibility. Bhatinda may be a small town in rural Punjab but does it mean it is cut off from reality. The ‘biggest Indian band in the world’ self destructs spectacularly while on stage in Wembley and yet the idiots in Bhatinda are so busy dancing at weddings and running around fields that they don’t have a clue. And those losers are their own ‘puttars’ I may add.

g) Logic: Why can’t you love and concentrate on your career at the same time. Does passion and dedication have to be enemies? Mr. Devgn falls in love with Asin but the crazy man that he is, he begins to whip himself with his belt. Maybe he should have just pleasured himself and saved us all the fake heartbreak. Apna Haath Jaggannath anyone?

h) The Climax. Ok ok... i know its not right to speak about climax just after the previous sentence but dont worry, in this movie it is actually an anti climax. The showdown, the repentance, the penance, the forgiveness..... nothing works.... nothing.

And as you all know, with out a good climax, an orgasm if you may, the whole act is useless.

But what do you do when the whole act is a dissapointment and the climax too is a downer.

I could go on but I am exhausted.

And trust me, you will be too once you watch this mockery of a movie.

See you soon.

Luv

Vish