Movie Review: Dabangg

HOW DO U SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE DABANGG???

HOW D O U CATCH A CLOUD AND PIN IT DOWN??

DABANGG

*Salman Khan, Salman Khan & Salman Khan

Music: Sajid Wajid

Directed by: Abhinav Kashyap

Salman Khan can do many things.

Act, Cry & Dance may not be some of those things and for an actor you’d be forgiven for thinking that it would be catastrophic but fear not because he can do a few other things that a few other actors cannot do.

Strut, Prance and Swagger.

And trust me, no one in Bollywood can do it like him (except maybe for Akshay Kumay on a good day).

Dabangg is a movie with a storyline so clichéd that many times it just does away with the whole pretence and just lets the main actor flounce around the screen. And boy-o-boy does Salman do it well.

Taking off from last year’s Wanted this is what (and here is where the filter coffee drinkers begin to swear and rant at me) the Rajnikants, the Chiranjeevis et al from the south have been doing for ages. And very successfully too.

The multiplexes are very city centric and as much as the audiences love their New Yorks and their Genevas where they hope to take their holidays, their hearts actually beat for the heart of India.

India is the only place where they will settle down for good.

They will carry the latest Birkens and Vuittons but the money that comes out of that will still pay for the bhelpuris.

‘Ravioli a la Toscana’ sounds very fancy on the lips but the tongue will still crave for vada-pau and puchka.

Dabangg is so desi and yet packaged so well that even Multiplex (and Overseas) audiences are flocking to the theatres. That bhojpuri guy, Ravi Krishan has been doing it for ages but it took a Salman to make it fashionable.

I can imagine many rich young kids congregate in their latest cars at the hippest clubs wearing the latest labels, suddenly proud to be part of the desi experience. Enjoying what they always turned down their noses at.

Dabangg is pure heartland masala fare which with Salman’s star power is suddenly palatable to the snobs too. Desi chic if you may.


The dialogues are cheesy, the moves even more so but then again Salman does it so well you cant help but laugh at the whole experience and in between the laughs you realize you’ve actually enjoyed the movie.

The music is also pretty good this time round but Munni is a disappointment.

A major one.

Malaika is OLD.

She’s lost so much weight that she looks haggard. The oomph that an item number requires is sorely missing.
And its ironic that the best item number that bollywood has produced to date (Chhaiya Chhaiya) also starred Malaika. What a pity.

And apart from a great tune a song also needs to have great writing to sustain it and make it truly memorable. It isn’t a coincidence then that 3 of the greatest item numbers have been penned by the incomparable Oscar winner Gulzar.

Chhaiya Chhaiya

Kajra Ke and

Beedi Jalaile.

Sonakshi Sinha (Shatrughan’s daughter) makes her debut here and thankfully unlike her brother Luv (who also made his debut a few months back in a movie whose name I can barely even remember) she can act. Her role is half baked but she manages to makes a mark. And in this Salman lovefest that’s saying a lot. Girl’s got great presence.

And great eyes. Tere Mast Mast Do Nain….Mere Dil Ka Le gaye Chain.

She can do the Vidya Balan type of roles and again like Ms. Balan, if she tries short skirts and looking hot she’s gonna fail bad.

So is this the way Bollywood is headed?

I hope not.

Paapri Chaat is great fun no doubt but now that we’ve also had a taste of the pasta lets embrace the variety.

Every other movie can't be a Dabangg. We’d die of boredom.

Have heard Dhobi Ghaat is great.

Till next time…


As usual

Luv

Vish

Munni is Really Badnaam Now

GIVE A DOG A BONE-R

IT seems semi-naked women strutting their stuff is not enough for music video makers anymore.

In the song Uai Maa from the album Uai Maa Uai Maa (why twice?), which will release next month, some cheap 'model' named Survi Chatterjee will be seen travelling the world in search of a man who can 'satisfy' her.

Unsuccessful in her quest, she returns to India and romances Bhojpuri actor Raja Chaudhary (of Shweta Tiwari beating fame) but he too fails to give her the pleasure she wants.

Finally, she is seen kissing a dog all over and then making love to it under the sheets.



Not surprisingly, the news of the video hasn't gone down well with animal rights activists.

Survi, who incidentally has been in the news for filing cases of molestation against her boyfriend and a producer, said, "My intention is not to hurt anyone's sentiments. An animal can't speak on its own, but it needs love too. We have shown how much we love animals in our video."

The problem is that her idea of 'showing love' seems to be more tuned towards bestiality than the affection and bonding normal people feel for their 4 legged friends.

"The theme is about me not finding a good person even after travelling the world. Finally I find a dog that is better than men and love it instead," she added forgetting to add that she decided to do it under the sheets.

As much as i hate them, where are Raj Thackeray's men at times like these.






Meanwhile..... in civilised A-List productions we have more crazy happening.

In the new movie Dabangg there is an Item number called Munni Badnaam Hui where the lyrics seem to plunge new depths of nonsense.

Munni Badnaam Hui... Daaarling Tere Liye.
Main Zandu Balm Hui... Daaarling Tere Liye

Even if you can stop scratching your head over how someone can become 'Zandu Balm', ponder on this...

Who is the hero?

Salman Khan.

Who is the item girl dancing lewdly all over him?

His sister-in-law Malaika Arora Khan.

Maybe he should have just danced with the dog.

Just saying....

Luv

Vish

Movie Review: London Dreams

LONDON DREAMS

*ing Salman Khan, Ajay Devgn, Asin.

Music: Shankar Ehsaan Loy

Lyrics: Prasoon Joshi

Director: Vipul A Shah

London Dreams is from the new genre of movies I like to call WTFWTT or

“What The Fcuk Were They Thinking?”

Seriously… there is so much in this movie (if you can call it a movie) that doesn’t work and all I can do is list them for you.

a) Ajay Devgn. He started out as an action star and then did some pretty good work as a dramatic actor (Company, Zakhm), some good romantic films (Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam) and even did some comedy which may not have been his forte but which did make money (Golmaal, All The Best). And he is a pretty decent actor too. But there is one thing that he is NOT, and that is a Rock Star. The poor guy is hopelessly miscast as an international rock star.

Mr. Devgn does not look like one and certainly doesn’t move like one. And it’s nothing to do with his age. After all Bon Jovi is around 40, Bono around 50, Paul McCartney is about 6o and Keith Richards’ age is probably about all the 3 put together. So no it’s not that.

Ajay is just not built to be a rockstar. NO. Not even with his name now spelt as Devgn.

b) Salman Khan whose buffoonery was what propelled Wanted into the super hit status can’t expect to do the same in serious movies. Till the time that he’s playing the village idiot he’s ok but the moment he’s expected to perform during dramatic scenes he continues to act like a buffoon and that is certainly a problem. And he seems to have shot for this movie either during or just before his hair transplant and he looks bad. He may have been the ‘Handsomest Man In The World’ and all that jazz, but at 45+ he is beginning to look haggard.

c) The Setting. Why London? Why couldn’t it have been Bombay? Why Wembley when Brabourne stadium would have been just fine. Or better. That way the songs would have worked. The audience rocking to the songs would have been plausible. The whole damn movie would have been more believable. There was absolutely no reason to set it in London and the movie suffers for it. Globalization maybe the catchphrase nowadays but there is no way I am going to believe young London girls rocking, raving and going crazy about an ageing Indian band. Who by the way, sing in Hindi. And whose songs are sometimes Raga based. No fcuking way. Then they go on to rock Paris & Rome too. Seriously???

How do u say “What The Fcuk?” in Italian?

d) Asin. I was one of the few who did not like her in Ghajini. However compared to this movie, Ghajini is like a bloody masterpiece. To be fair you can’t blame her. It’s her character which has been written so badly. She is a bharatnatyam dancer from a conservative British-Tamilian family who secretly wants to dance like a ‘pop star’. After much fake tension with the father who subsequently gets a dramatic lecture from Ajay Devgn about following dreams and all that jazz, what does she do??? She becomes a glorified background dancer in the band.

The only person who benefited from such a career is Britney’s former background dancer and husband, Kevin Federline. Maybe that’s who her character was modeled on.

e) Music. On its own the music by S-E-L is great. But in the movie it doesn’t gel. Not a single song stays with you after the movie.

f) Credibility. Bhatinda may be a small town in rural Punjab but does it mean it is cut off from reality. The ‘biggest Indian band in the world’ self destructs spectacularly while on stage in Wembley and yet the idiots in Bhatinda are so busy dancing at weddings and running around fields that they don’t have a clue. And those losers are their own ‘puttars’ I may add.

g) Logic: Why can’t you love and concentrate on your career at the same time. Does passion and dedication have to be enemies? Mr. Devgn falls in love with Asin but the crazy man that he is, he begins to whip himself with his belt. Maybe he should have just pleasured himself and saved us all the fake heartbreak. Apna Haath Jaggannath anyone?

h) The Climax. Ok ok... i know its not right to speak about climax just after the previous sentence but dont worry, in this movie it is actually an anti climax. The showdown, the repentance, the penance, the forgiveness..... nothing works.... nothing.

And as you all know, with out a good climax, an orgasm if you may, the whole act is useless.

But what do you do when the whole act is a dissapointment and the climax too is a downer.

I could go on but I am exhausted.

And trust me, you will be too once you watch this mockery of a movie.

See you soon.

Luv

Vish