Movie Review: I Hate Luv Storys

A LOVE-HATE MOVIE

I HATE LUV STORYS

* Imran Khan, Sonam Kapoor, Samir Dattani

Music - Vishal Shekhar

Director: Punit Malhotra

In an upcoming film (Once Upon A Time In Mumbai) there is a song where one of the lines goes like this:

“Tere sang chain bhi mujhko, tere sang bekarari hai.” (With you I find contentment and with you restlessness too.)

Watching I Hate Luv Storys I had a similar experience.

For its genre and for what it was promising to be, it was a fair deal. And yet there were moments when my concentration was wandering and I was left thinking of various other things like did i turn off the lights in my flat or should i go for indian or chinese after the movie (food that is in case you are wondering).
And like I’ve always said, whenever that happens at the movies it is never a good sign.

IHLS is not a bad film. Infact it has many things going for it, like a soundtrack that’s both rocking and soulful, lead actors who are photogenic and from the yuppie gen-x, costumes, art direction, cinematography everything is top notch, but all the individual parts somehow don’t come together as a cohesive whole.

Imran Khan playing J or Jay Dhingra looks fairer, prettier and more delicate than Sonam and I suspect the director realized this and in many scenes he’s made to sport a stubble. He is very earnest and can act well too but the guy seriously needs to get two things in control. His Pout and his Eyebrows. In many scenes, his (extremely bushy) eyebrows seem to be acting independently of the rest of his face.

Fascinating? Yes! Interesting ?? NO. Unless you happen to be a hair care specialist.

And then there is the pout. With Imran (and I guess the tween girls must love that very pout) it has always been quite pronounced but more so when he is lip synching to the songs. Watch him in the title track and during ‘Sadka Kiya’. Nemo pouts less than Imran.

Sonam Kapoor plays the filmy Simran (presumably after Kajol’s character in DDLJ). Last year in the Indian version of GQ, the irrepressible Shoobaa De was asked to comment on the current crop of heroines and for Sonam, she had this to say: “Pretty but Very Boring and with Zero Sex Appeal.”

Well, what can I say to top that?

Don’t get me wrong, Sonam is very pretty (and fashionable) but there is something very ‘behenji’ about her that never seems to transcend into a matinee idol status. In the Sadka Kiya song, she is dressed in the obligatory chiffon sarees with blouses that look suspiciously like bikini tops and yet as she reclines on an artistically placed dead-wood she arouses no passion whatsoever. Kajol & Kareena can show more oomph with a glance. For me Sonam is the A-List version of Amrita Rao.

Samir Dattani plays Sonam’s fiancée Raj and his character is again so one dimensional that right from the time he comes on screen with his fugly shirt you know he doesn’t stand a chance in hell. I know he’s the second lead and that J and Simran are meant for each other but when will Bollywood learn that when you begin to flesh out the secondary characters, you make us care more about the turns in the story. Poor Raj here is such a caricature that you never feel for Simran & J’s breakups simply because you know Simran cant possibly love that cardboard cut out that is Raj.

J’s friend. I don’t know his name but the fat friend gets some of the movie’s best lines and rocks them every time. His delivery, timing, expressions are all spot on. When the usually non-sentimental J begins to fall in love and comes rushing into the office asking where’s Simran, Fatty deadpans “Kyun, kya tu uske baache ki maa banne wala hai?” (Why, are you pregnant with her child?) or the time when he shows J his hilarious and yet apt graph about the Hot quotient of girls versus their ‘natak’ and somehow how this is all tied up in Profit and Loss.

TV star Aamir Ali plays the Movie star in IHLS and he is suitably wacky and obnoxious. I don’t know if he was modeled on Salman Khan but he brings the house down when he parades around in tight jeans because the girls allegedly ‘love his tight butt’.

Music: Vishal Shekhar give what is probably their best soundtrack ever. The title song is rocking and Bahara, Bin Tere and Sadka Kiya are all very hummable and memorably picturized. On the album Bahara has a Chill version sung but Rahat Fateh Ali Khan and it’s a surprise this is not used in the movie. Its much better than the Shreya Ghosal one.

The director is Punit Malhotra who’s the nephew of fashion designer Manish Malhotra and so the look of the film is great with tees and skirts snug and fitting but somehow the script seems a little loose.

Great to look at and a not a bad way to pass the time at the cinemas but IHLS leaves you a little ‘bekerar’ for more.

Simran looks pretty, J looks prettier and Raj is Fugly. But Love & Passion?? Naa! Not in this movie.

But can you blame them?

After all the title song HAD warned us…

“Mil gaye jo chora chori,
Hui masti thodi thodi.
Bas Pyar ka naam na lena,
I Hate Luv Storys.”

A MODERN FAIRY TALE?

WAS CINDERELLA FILIPINO??





On some of the regional channels (MBC2 & MBC4) there is an ad for a home shopping network/program.

It shows a Filipino maid vacuuming the floor while the 2 daughters of the house come down dressed to go out.

The expression on their faces however seem to suggest that they aren’t very happy.

The mother (with back to camera) wields a remote and zaps them one by one.




ZAP!

The 1st daughter gets a sparkling new dress with a long shiny necklace.

ZAP!

The 2nd daughter too gets a new dress with lovely dangling earrings.

ZAP!

What happens to the Filipino maid??

She gets a sparkling, shiny new vacuum cleaner.

ZAP! And they all live happily ever after.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT WAS THAT?

The idea is obviously from Cinderella but then I always thought that the whole point of that story was to warn against mistreating people.

Political correctness can at times go overboard but can you seriously show the poor Filipino maid happy just because she got new equipment?



ZAP! Even in a fantasy they aren’t treated as human beings.

The Filipino embassy is usually quite potent where workers rights are concerned.
Maybe they should also begin to worry about workers image too.

Just between us.

Ciao Till Next Time.


Vishal

Movie review: Raavan

THIS 'RAAVAN' IS NOT BAD. BUT SADLY THE MOVIE IS.

RAAVAN

*ing Abhishek Bachchan, Aishwarya Rai, Vikram, Govinda

Directed by: Mani Rathnam

Music: A R Rahman

Lyrics: Gulzar

Mani Rathnam has a problem.

He does not speak Hindi. Nor does he get the subtleties that go with knowing the language and so its just my guess, but I think Raavana (Tamil) is going to be far better than this stilted snooze fest that is Raavan.

I remember while studying in Bangalore we stood in line outside a theatre (this was before the multiplexes came in) and almost got lathi charged just because some friends of mine wanted to watch Bombay: first day first show.

And being a huge Manisha fan I tagged along even though it was in Tamil.

I did watch the hindi version later and even though I don’t understand Tamil, it seemed a far superior version.

In Raavan the characters seem to spew ‘dialogue’ and hardly ever talk.

I have no idea about Vikram’s body of work (he is allegedly a National Award winner) but seeing that this was made for a north Indian audience, a fitter body would have been better. Unlike the south, Bollywood prefers its matinee idols a lil less rotund.

Seeing Vikram running in slow motion with his paunch jiggling (with shirt tucked into jeans no less) was not a pretty sight and no amount of Ray Bans could compensate for it. The worse part was that his role was half baked too. What a start to Bollywood. There's no way he is ever going to make it here.

And Abhishek Bachchan hams away to glory with not a single nod to subtlety. His “Jhig-jhig-jhig” and “Bak Bak Bak” dialogues were comic when they weren’t supposed to be and towards the end in a crucial scene when Ash repeats the same (Bak Bak) back to him the whole theatre was left giggling.

I think when Mani conceived the film, the character Beera was supposed to kidnap Ragini with an intention of killing her and taking revenge on her husband. The evil towards Ragini should have slowly given way to grudging Respect and Confusion followed by a something resembling Love.

AB Jr. makes such a mess of this role that you never fear his character so then finally when love blossoms it is not interesting at all. He seemed to be making eyes at her all along.

Except for the last 5 minutes, he never really becomes Beera.

He is always Abhishek Bachchan. Of the movie’s 2hr 20 min running time, Abhi’s Beera is always a caricature never a character.

For Aishwarya this is possibly her best performance to date. She is consistent and even though the dialogues given to her are mostly screeches and wails she does remain in character throughout even though her makeup seems to do the same too.

Sometimes shot in extreme close-up, its quite distracting to notice fine mascara after 14 days in the jungle in the rain. The villages where Beera takes her, seem to be the poor adivasi type and yet when Ash is given a change of clothes in the jungle she gets a nice Fab-India type of sari. Ethnic chic??

But boy oh boy is she looking fabulous. You cant take your eyes off the screen when she is on and as much as Abhi may try to distract you with his odd eye makeup she is luminous and shot like a dream by Santosh Sivan and V Manikandan.

Talking of which, the cinematography is the only thing about this movie that is world class. Breathtaking is an understatement as the 2 veteran’s cameras captures every detail of the forest and infact some of the shots (if you are interested in photography) will blow your mind. Some of the swooping camera work would definitely not be possible without cranes and seeing the location you wonder where they put them in the first place.

The music however is a major disappointment with the best song (Ranhja Ranhja) used only fleetingly for Beera’s sisters marriage. The other great song Jaare Udd Jaa (not on album) is performed by A.R Rahman himself and comes in parts during the movie and then in its entirety during the end credits (Ab iss shareer ke sirey khol dey / Aur goongi aatma ko bol dey.)

Rahman drops the ball on this one and almost recovers it with the haunting Jaare, but its too little too late.

Govinda (quite aptly) is given the role of Hanuman and unlike the loyal & heroic character of the epic he is more of a comic here. A fat bloated side kick. But he does the best he can with this one.

All in all Raavan is a beautiful and sad film.

Sad because it comes from a director who is india’s most talented and experienced story teller.

What a sad day. Maybe he should just go back to telling his stories in the language he knows best.

Tamil.

Till then we’ll just have to make do with Kaminey’s like Vishal Bhardwaj.

INDIAN ? YES. IDOL ?? PROBABLY NOT.





After a great start to season 1 Indian Idol has been going steadily downhill. Season 3 had a nepali winner in Prashant Tamang but as even the most Gorkhakli-ko-chora among us will admit, his singing was mediocre at best and the only reason he won was neglected nepali pride rather than artistic merit.


The judges too have been going from bad to worse.


First it was Udit Narayan confusing himself (and everyone else) with his History and Geography and then you had a tone deaf (but very pretty) Sonali Bendre who looked more lost than the contestants.

So this year it’s a bloody relief than we have great judges - with big egos (Anu) and even bigger noses (Salim) – and a high quality of singers.


But then again, as always they are looking at the ‘complete package’ and not necessarily 'singers' so anything can happen.

Let the games begin.



Shashi Suman, Patna


Shashi is allegedly a classicaly trained, and he started off with what was possibly the best performance to date when he sang Jaane Tu. But after that it has been downhill for him too. He’s still not bad but he has yet to be outstanding like the first time. He is also eminently forgettable. I just found out that he has also provided the backing vocals on More Piya from Rajneeti

Winning Chances 65% : Too boring to be a complete package.



Sreeram, Hyderabad



One of the best and seems to be on the upward curve with his singing. Spoilt it when he sang Rahman's Guzaarish, improved vastly with Pritam's Tu Hi Meri Shabb and then yesterday nailed the Rabba Rabba from Monsoon Wedding. And what a performance it was. The best singer of the 10.


Winning Chances 45% : Why? Because people from the south have far better things to do than vote for Indian idol. Don’t believe me?? Ask Karunya.




Bhoomi Trivedi, Baroda



The ultimate hindi heartland girl. She can sing western numbers but falters when given a purely hindi song. Pretty and non-controversial.

Winning Chances 80% : Pretty. Check. Young. Check. Good Voice. Check.
Whats not to like.?




Shivam Pathak, UP



A big fan of Sonu Nigam and sings almost as well. He’s very clever (or lucky) in the choice of songs. They have all been audience friendly (including yesterday’s Khaike Paan). Judges love him.

Winning Chances 80% : Judges love him and till now it looks like the audience loves him too. But he better beware of the Anu Malik curse. Whoever Anu praises the audience seems to love to vote out. Not because they love the contestant less but probably because they hate Anu more.




Yashraj Kapil, New Delhi



Started well. Great sympathy factor with the visual of his father kneeling in front of the judges still fresh. Then he started to sing. Not great at all. Then he began to talk ('I compete with only myself' he said) and it got worse.
Was getting the tween girl vote for his boyish looks and then last week he decided to show Swaroop how to swim and he lost all remaining ‘girly’ votes when he flaunted his ‘man-boobs’ on national television. Bad move.

Winning Chances 30% : Not a fav of the judges and I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets voted out this coming week (unless the ‘madam’ from Cal goes first)



Rakesh Maini, Agra



The real dark horse in season 5. He has the good-heartland-desi-boy appeal and the most important fact is that he sings great. And consistently. He has rarely been bad and the last 2 weeks was mind blowing.
Simple and to the point. Just great singing.

Winning Chances 70% : The makeover isn’t helping him. He looks better but where’s the drama in that. If I remember both his parents are very old and both have recently had eye surgery. He needs to bring them on stage. Preferably with walking sticks. Better if they also have eye patches on. Sure winner then.



Naushad Ali Kawa, Jaipur



At every episode Naushad has been called the “Rajasthan ka ab tak ka subse handsome contestant” and even though he has not yet fallen prey to that absurd flattery his singing is beginning to falter. NO range too. But then he is eminently earnest and with the voting public that’s always a good thing.

Winning Chances 88% : Rajasthanis have been known to vote for one of their own (remember the Idol 2 winner ??) and he might just have the edge over compatriot Swaroop. And then there’s the hair. I have yet to see a reality show contestant with long hair who has lost. Think about it.



Swaroop Khan, Jaisalmer

No one can match him in folk songs. Period. But Anu (for once ) was spot on when he called him over-confident. The word I would have chosen is ‘Arrogant’ but you get the message.

He massacred Pankaj Udhas’s Chitti Aayi Hai and has come back with Nimbooda yesterday but he does seem to have taken to Bombay rather well. I have a feeling he’d have abandoned that turban of his a long time back if it hadn’t been for the votes.

Winning Chances 65% : He’s a great horse but also a one track pony. A cocky one track pony. And for Rajasthanis Naushad seems like a better bet.


Arpita Khan, Kolkata

Arpita wowed everyone with a stunning performance of Khalbali. Then she dressed in a gaudy sari to sing Bindiya Chamkegi and the only thing that image of her reminded me is of a ‘madam’ sitting in some kotha in Sonagachi. I know its not fair and I also know that its probably sexist too but like poor blind Meghna found out 2 weeks back, your look do matter.

Winning Chances 20% : She has always been in the bottom 3 and if Mr. Man-Boobs doesn’t pip her to the end then she’s definitely out this week.




Tia Kar, Mumbai


She’s the weakest singer of the lot. Big Deal.
She has been victimized and that’s made her the underdog.

She has been mocked and she’s gotten all the sympathy.

She looks hot, she can rock the smile and baby, oh baby, can she cry.
Who cares about the singing.

Winning Chances 50-50% : If her fellow contestants know better they will stop picking on her. Let her just sing. That’s the only way to get her out. Else she’ll be crying and getting the trophy.

But that’s just me.


What do you guys think???

Let me know……

Luv


Vish

DONT CONDEMN THIS MOVIE. JUST CONDOM IT.

RAJNEETI

Director: Prakash Jha

*ing Arjun Rampal, Ranbir Kapoor, Katrina Kaif, Ajay Devgan, Manoj Bajpei, Nana Patekar

I’m a sucker for deals and special offers even though I know I most often don’t really need that ‘something free’ that comes with the main product. And when it happens in a movie its even more annoying. Rajneeti is like 2 separate movies.

Pay for the movie you expected to see and they’ll throw in a bollywood potboiler for free.
The difference between the first and second half is so distinct that you wonder if it was the same director who’s made the whole damn movie.

The 1st half is stunningly gripping and things and events move so fast you cannot help but sit up in your seat and take in all that’s happening.

Its not perfect ofcourse. Naseeruddin Shah is wasted in a miniscule role and then further insulted with an outrageous sex scene. As fine an actor as he is, the words ‘sex-scene’ and ‘Naseer’ don’t usually don’t go together in my head and after seeing it on screen it is even more revolting.

The problem begins in the second half.

Now twists in the story is always fun, infact there is nothing I like more than to be surprised but they must come with a reason. They have got to be plausible.

A couple of years back came a movie called “Race” in which there were so many twists in the story that I wasn’t sure if Bipasha was Saif’s lover or sis-in-law or aunt.

But Race was a big hit you may say. Yes it was but then that was a different kind of movie. Houseful too was a hit a few weeks back and that too was a different kinda film. But when you begin to talk of Rajneeti in the same breath as Race & Houseful I think its not a good thing.

Politics is a dangerous game but this movie takes it to heights. So many people die around the principal characters that it’s a wonder the junta is still voting for them. And even in UP & Bihar I’m sure major politicians don’t go shooting opponents in broad daylight.

And if things weren’t odd enough there’s even an item song which ends almost as suddenly as it begins.

Performance wise however there are some gems.


Nana is quietly reassuring as the Krishna like character while the dependable Bajpei is saddled with a strangely Rajput inspired wardrobe.


Katrina looks pretty as always and her acting is not bad. The problem is that its not great either. While watching some scenes I was just wondering what Madhuri Dixit (one of Jha’s previous heroines) would have done with this role. Or even Kareena.


Ajay Devgan is given a role which in old movies would have been done by Gulshan Grover and the one scene where he really gets to act is so silly it becomes embarrassing.

And based as this movie is on the Mahabharat, it’s the crucial Kunti-Karna scene. What a shame and what a waste of what should have been an explosive and heartrending scene.


The 2 best performances are from the main leads Ranbir and Arjun. Ranbir’s role is longer and seemingly more complex but its Arjun who’s stunningly believable as the central Indian politician. His wardrobe, his mannerisms, his unkempt hair and even his slightly dirty/sweaty face is what anchors this movie. When he dies, the movie really loses its soul and turns into a senseless melodrama topped off with an even more ridiculous climactic shootout.

The worst performance is from Shruti Seth (she’s the girl who brilliantly played Kajol’s friend in Fanaa). She’s otherwise okay but in her seduction scene with Arjun she really, really hams it up. So much so that she seems to get an orgasm even when Arjun is just talking to her. And she wants an election ticket from Sitapur. You have got to be kidding me.

The other odd thing about this movie is its birth rate.

Everyone seems to be getting pregnant with just 1 lay in the hay. Ranbir’s mom, Katrina, the foreign girl… every major female character gets the bun in the oven after just one shag. So remember it girls and boys….. you gotta condom your sex.

And for a movie on Politics it’s a shame that the only message you take back is birth control.

What a pity cause the first half was really really good.



Maybe they should have just condom'd their pens after that.

More later

Luv as Usual

Vish

Dear All,

I know its been a long time but with a new job etc..... you understand, dont you?

Anyway here's one of the sweetest stories that i've read and like always i want to share it with you.

Enjoy

Vish


John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn’t, the girl with the Rose.


His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book but with the notes pencilled in the margins. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and an insightful mind. In front of the book, he discovered the previous owners name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City.

He wrote her a letter and invited her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II. During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail.

Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart.

The romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn’t matter what she looked like.
When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting – 7.00 p.m. at the Grand Central Station in New York.

“You’ll recognize me,” she wrote, “by the red rose that I’ll be wearing in my lapel.”

So at 7.00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved but whose face he had never seen.

I’ll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:

“A young woman was coming towards me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears, her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green dress she was like springtime come alive.

I started towards her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small provocative smile curved her lips. “Going my way, sailor?” she murmured.

Almost uncontrollably I took one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell.

She was standing directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under an old worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes.

The girl in the green suit was walking away quickly. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle.

I did not hesitate.

My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful.

I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment.

“I’m Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me. May I take you to dinner?”


The woman’s face broadened into a tolerant smile.

“I don’t know what this is all about, son,” she answered, “but the young lady in the green dress who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose in my coat. And she said that if you were to ask me to dinner, I should tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of a test.”

……………………………………..*………………………

“Tell me who you love,” Shakespeare once wrote, “And I’ll tell you who you are.”

Dear All,

I am alive :-)

I am well :-)

and I am still writing.....

I am in transition between jobs (and houses and all other changes etc) and am a lil swamped lately...

will definitely write again soon..

till then

Luv as usual

Vish

Home BLOGS Part 2

OF SCHOOLS, MISTS, FILMS & HOME

Dear All,

As promised here is a second collection of mini-blogs about Darjeeling.

Please do write in to tell me your thoughts. Any thoughts.

Enjoy

Luv

Vish

BETHANY

As nursery/primary schools go, there is nothing in Darj yet which can beat good ol’ Bethany.

Of late Himalayan Nursery and others have been giving it some stiff competition but frankly where Discipline (even for the poor teachers), Standard and Quality goes, there’s nothing that even comes close.

And yet it never seems to get the full credit it deserves. When schools in Darjeeling are talked about, it’s always NP, SP, Loreto &. MH (and in that order too).

If Wordsworth once claimed that the Child is the Father of Man, then Bethany is certainly the foundation on which many a Paulite, NorthPointer or Loreto-ite have built their individual structures of excellence.

And amidst the ever growing concrete jungle that is Darjeeling today, the school still stands proud and unchanging like a miracle of an oasis.

What a relief. What a bloody relief. And may it never change.

P.S. I am not writing this out of any bias. For the record, I did my pre-school in Miniland Nursery before joining NP.

DAS STUDIO.

I seriously doubt there is any one in Darjeeling who has not stood waiting at the counter in Das Studio. Waiting anxiously with that thin strip of paper/receipt in hand even as ‘daju’ would go into the backroom to bring out your envelope of photos.

As he came back you would look carefully at the size of the package in his hands. (ok you dirty minds, dont get ideas)

If it was bulging (sorry for the choice of words but do try and keep you thoughts clean) then you could be happy that of the 36 exposures, at least 30-32 had developed into photos. Never mind that many were blurred or than many had close-up’s of the startled photographer's face.

“Khai herau tah, kina click hudaina,”(let me see why its not clicking)- turn camera towards yourself and - “CLICK” the flash would go off followed by an exasperated “HAAETH-TERIKA”.

But they were all valid photos. At that time, anything that developed was considered valid.

“Amboo, sabbai chattees print aayo?” younger cousins would ask in shock & awe and a renewed respect of your photographic abilities.

However if the packet looked thinner than usual you could be sure that atleast 1/2 the film was wasted.

And the worst part was you never knew exactly why .

Was it because you hadn’t taken the picture well or was it because that smart-ass cousin had opened the back of the camera before the film had ‘rewinded’ fully or maybe, just maybe the dajus at Das just screwed up and blamed it on you. But you never knew. You didn’t have the choice of knowing. You just accepted what you got and yet strangely it seemed all the more interesting.

Then once you paid the amount you’d slide across the counter in order to let daju deal with the next customer. Remember you’d only slide across the counter to the corner, not leave.

You never left Das without going through the photos first.

You and everyone else who came with you (and some uncles/aunties who happened to be in Das at the time) would then huddle over heads and shoulders almost as if you were on some kind of discovery.

And you know what? It was a kind of discovery.

By virtue of the film having been loaded ages ago the final prints would always be a revelation.

Conversations at the counter would range from “haer katthi moti thiyo tyas bela” (look how fat she was in that photo) or “bechara ramro manche thiyo, chito maryo” (poor guy died so early) or “ha ha Samir lai bell-bottom ma herna” (look at Samir in those silly bell-bottom pants).

Births, Deaths and even Fashion changed between Shooting & Developing.

In today’s 12-megapixel-digital world such innocent wonders seem so far away.

Unless ofcourse, you visit DAS STUDIO.

The décor is the same, the huge pictures of mountains are the same, the ‘lab’ seems the same and even the daju’s are the same.

As my friend put it so well, “Maybe they are film not digital”.

Maybe....yeah, maybe.

PRESSURE COOKERS.

As I walked the streets of Darjeeling and visited friends and family, one of the most common sounds was the “hissss” of the pressure cooker.

The month before I left for my vacation to Darj, the washer on my pressure cooker went bust.
Not the big rubber one that goes round the lid but the more smaller one which is in the middle of the cover surrounded by a nut.

Anyway, after scouring almost every hardware store in Abu Dhabi for the same, I not only did not find a replacement but was instead given unasked for advice.

The Asian shopkeepers were invariable sympathetic and suggested I ask some relative from India to send one for me (imagine the courier cost).

Meanwhile the Arab (Middle-Eastern) shopkeepers were either confused at to what it was or their advice was simple. “Why don’t you just buy a new cooker?”

Maybe cooking with a pressure cooker and repairing things endlessly are both unique South-Asian traits. Or maybe i'm just a kanjoos. Between us.

THE WHAT?

English maybe the lingua franca and all that jazz but it is also wonderfully adaptive.

I doubt there is any other language which lends itself so easily to distortion.

Like the UP-Haryana belt which has numerous shops luring you with either “Child Beer” (under-age drinking?) or "Child Bear" (animal farm?) or the even more confusing "Chilled Bear" (poor cold animal?).

It is almost always hilarious and apart from the humour, I personally think that it all adds to the whole flavor of each place.

And Nepalis spelling in English can give the Indians a run for their money.

Whether its ads enticing you to eat some Bugger or Chinees food which promises Momos (dumplings) but also offers some Mom's on the menu.

However while these miss-spellings and odd phrases are funny in day to day use, it ceases to be funny in places where accuracy is paramount.

The doctors clinic, where misspellings can quite literally be a matter of your life and death is the last place where you’d expect this. Even if the printer did make a mistake you’d think the learned doctor would have noticed it.

At a clinic in Darj I saw the following sign.

Lord help anyone who has a foctus problem.

THE MALL

Darjeeling can be anything you want it to be. Cold, Romantic, Mysterious, Startling or all of the above. And sometimes at the same time.

Having eaten too many of the Keventer’s breakfasts I decided to go for an early morning walk around The Mall. If you approach it from the left side and go past Bhanu Bhawan, the moment you cross the Governor’s House is when the best part of the walk begins.

March still had the nip of winter and as the clouds began to rise from Lebong below, we were left walking, surrounded by a mist so thick it seemed like cotton candy.

In such an place the voice seems softer, the conversation more clandestine and your steps just that little more stealthy.

And as we walked, faces (both familiar and strange) would appear out of the mist for a few seconds of exchanged greetings or discreet nods before melting back into the fog behind us.

Is everyone generally polite in Darjeeling or do I just know more people here, I silently wondered.

As we approached the Mahakal Mandir area, a monkey emerged from the fog and ran across in front of us and almost as if nature was taking a cue from him, the wind shifted and the mist cleared for a moment.

Just for a moment, but in that brief moment Kanchenjunga appeared before us in all her majesty.

Clear, Proud and Magnificent.

And in that same moment Burj Khalifa suddenly seemed so small.

Jey Gara, Jaso Gara, Jata Sukai Laijao Malai....

Home is really where the heart is.

Till next time and more darjeeling memories.....

STRADDLING FAULT LINES

CHASTITY FAULT LINE

Just yesterday i blogged about the lunatic zealots who are giving all muslims a bad name and almost as if on cue comes a news story about something similar.

What can i say, but repeat.

Someone, please save these people from themselves.

Till next time and more positive topics..

Luv

Vish

EXTRAMARITAL SEX CAUSES EARTHQUAKES, CLERIC SAYS

GULF NEWS: 18.04.2010

TEHRAN: A senior Iranian cleric has claimed that dolled-up women incite extramarital sex, causing more earthquakes in Iran, a country that straddles (seriously, no pun intended) several fault lines, newspapers reported on Saturday.

"Many women who dress inappropriately ... cause youths to go astray, taint their chastity and incite extramarital sex in society, which increases earthquakes," Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi told worshippers at Tehran Friday prayer.

"Calamities are the result of people's deeds," he was quoted as saying . "We have no way but conform to Islam to ward off dangers."

The Islamic dress code is mandatory in Iran, which has been under clerical rule for more than three decades. Every post-pubescent woman regardless of her religion or nationality must cover her hair and bodily contours in public.

Offenders face punishment and fine. But this has not stopped urban women from appearing in the streets wearing tight coats and flimsy headscarves and layers of skillfully applied makeup.

Iran is also prone to frequent quakes, many of which have been devastating. The worst in recent times hit the southern city of Bam in December 2003, killing 31,000 people -- about a quarter of the population -- and destroying its ancient mud-built citadel.

The Sania-Shoaib Love Farce

WISE MEN SAY.. ONLY FOOLS RUSH IN...

In the movie The Queen, at one stage a frustrated Tony Blair says of Her Majesty and The Royal Family:

“Somebody save these people from themselves”

Today I feel a similar sentiment towards the Indian Muslims.

Now let me make it clear at the beginning itself that I am not some Hindu fanatic nor that this post is anything remotely close to that.

I think that Muslims in general aren’t bad but that a few crazy lunatics hijack the whole faith and subsequently the whole debate about tolerance etc.

They have literally been giving fodder to the right-wing Hindu nutcases to label them as a bunch of 3rd century lunatics.

And all this over just 1 wedding. Sania & Shoaib’s.

I have been watching the whole Shonia (as its now being called) drama with an increasing sense of shock and amazement.

Look at the facts:

Sania met and fell in love with Shoaib. Frankly what she saw in that bumbling fool (watch his press conference) is besides me but that’s her choice.

Suddenly someone named Ayesha Siddiqui came out of the woodwork to claim she was already married to him a few years back.

The ‘nikaah’ allegedly happened over the phone after exchanging photos.

Shoaib on his part began to spin more stories than a spider on Viagra.

First he claimed he did not know of any Ayesha. Then he claimed that she tricked him by showing a picture of a slim beautiful girl. (Instead of the obviously obese and ugly Ayesha was the part left unsaid)

When he found out about this he did not go ahead with the wedding.

His sleazy brother in law, Imran, then came on Pakistan TV to explain to a disbelieving public about how a Pakistani captain could be fooled by such trickery. Imran told viewers that the girl who enticed Shoaib over the phone, was in fact her clever friend. He also told us how when Shoaib went to Hyderabad to meet his bride-to-be many times, she was never there.

The family, I believe, came up with some excuse nor the other; she wasn’t in town, she was unwell and in hospital, she was in another city where she was trying to convince Yuvraj Singh to marry her. (Ok Ok I made the last one up but frankly the story is so crazy it could probably be true).

I don’t know about the veracity of the wedding but the interview made 1 point very clear.

If not a liar, Shoaib was certainly a stupid, stupid guy.

Ayesha’s mother, not to be left out, came on Times Now to give her side of the story but in place of facts she just shed some serious tears. “I-am-crying-so-I-must-be-telling-the-truth” seemed her only defence.

Ayesha meanwhile came on a private Pakistani TV channel (phoned in actually) to claim that she not only married Shoaib but that she even had a miscarriage.

Then as if to prove her mental sanity (or lack thereof) she claimed that she still has the blood stained clothes from her miscarriage. (Who else but a lunatic keeps such mementos?)

This girl was clearly crazy but my question is; What was her family doing? Why were they not putting an end to this nonsense?

Shoaib meanwhile went from bad to worse.

Even as Indian TV channels were gleefully broadcasting clips of him practicing his dance steps in Sania’s house, another TV channel dug out an old clip of him admitting to being married to a “Hyderabadi girl”.

The very next day he was in front of Sania’s house facing the media and lying through his teeth and claiming that he has never been married.

But as a certain Mr. Bond once taught us, Never Say Never.

The next day we were informed that religious leaders (who and why?) had gotten involved and a compromise was being hammered out.

Shoaib would divorce Ayesha (who he claimed he hadn't married) and pay her off (an allegedly 15 crores) leaving him free to marry Sania.

Phew. Finally over. But wait a minute.

As another old axiom goes: It Aint Over Till The Fat Lady Sings.

Or in this case a fat Imam who issued a fatwa condemning Shonia.

They were allegedly living together in Sania's house before getting married and the Imam apparently got his knickers in a twist over Sania’s lack of the same. Or so he imagined in that fertile sex-obsessed mind of his.

The wedding scheduled for the 15th got hastily advanced and the 2 finally got married to (hopefully) live happily ever after.

Apart from the sleaze, there is a hundred things wrong about this story.

Just look at how it makes the Muslims look.

Marriages happening over telephones? (ha ha and not even over a webcam???).

Imam’s more worried about some engaged couple’s sleeping habits rather than more important things.
Religious leaders facilitating massive pay-offs.

What The Fcuk! Seriously???

The VHP-RSS-Shiv Sena etc must be delirious with joy. This is exactly what they have being trying to taint the Muslims as and here we are. Such lunacy.

And not a single sensible Muslim came forward to denounce this farce.

And that is the difference.
The silent majority.

Its not that the Hindus or Buddhists or Sikhs etc don’t have lunatics among them. The difference is that people from the same community immediately slams such nonsense. When the Shiv Sena went after SRK there was an immediate chorus of condemnation.

And yet as this Shonia farce played out, not a single prominent muslim came forward to call out this nonsense.

So can you help but say…..

Someone save these people from themselves.

Till next time and more blogs.

Vish

P.S. If I am not mistaken, a Muslim guy can legally keep 4 wives at a time, so what was all the insistence on divorce all about?