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UPDATED





Nischal da has kindly sent me a pic of "Orient Restaurant" so you can all check out the over-spelling of the word.

See Below:






OF HOME 'MADE' STORIES and OTHER THINGS



Hi Guys,










I was recently in Darjeeling for a short 2 week vacation and on the suggestion of some friends i'm doing a series of short mini-blogs on things that are uniquely Darj.


Just a way to remember the lil things that make Darj home for so many of us.


Let me know your thoughts.


Luv

Vish

RAIN

Visits home always involves lots of aunts and cousins who either come visiting or invite you over for lunch or dinner.



During one such visit by an elderly aunt when she had retold almost 3 hours of old family stories my eyelids began to droop and before there could be some more family drama I stood and went to the window to gaze at the mountains. At that moment even the mountains seemed more interesting than my old aunt's even older stories.

This was when I first noticed a few stray drops of rain fall on the windowpane. Bored and desperate to break the seemingly unending flow of ancient stories, I turned to the group of relatives in the room and mentioned that it looked like it was beginning to rain.

That was all it took to transform my old frail aunt into an opera worthy performer.

Standing up and belying all traces of her age and health she bellowed:

“Pani Paryo. Luga Uttha.” (Its Raining. Pick-Up The Clothes)

With her voice still ringing in my ears, I could only stare; stunned at the volume she was able to produce from such a frail body.

This shock was made even more amazing by the fact that there weren’t any clothes to pick-up.


Or for the matter that this, wasn’t even her house in the first place.

The flavour of Darjeeling is in the rain. Definitely.

---------------------------*---------------------------

ORIENT. OR IS IT?

Everyone who’s grown up (or studied) in Darjeeling will know of the famous hangout:
Orient Restaurant.

Atleast the ones who were born before 1990.

Those innocent childhood days had no internet cafés to spend hours over nor Facebook friends to report mundane status updates to.

All we had were boyhood tales & hamjayega jokes. And they were usually told & retold over steaming plates of momos & thukpas which were washed down with Goldspot and Thums-Up and sometimes, maybe something a little stronger….lets just say something that required a little more brewing.




Maybe that was the reason that among parents and elders, visiting Orient didn’t have quite the same innocent distinction as maybe Penang’s or Benis café did.

So going into Orient was almost always done on the sly. And furthermore by virtue of being situated at a tri-junction of what is possibly some of the busiest streets in Darjeeling, entering Orient also had the added danger of being spotted by some relative or the other.


“Papa ko sathi, Gurung Uncle le dekheko thiyo re tah….” and all that drama.

And maybe it is because of this very reason that I had never realized that on the entrance board, both the words “Orient” and “Restaurant” has been miss-spelt.

And how have they been miss-spelt?

Well, you’ll just have to look more closely the next time you are in that part of town.

I am still too scared to stand in front of Orient and take pictures… who knows, that Gurung Uncle may still be around.

Note: This pic is courtesy Nischal da

---------------------------*---------------------------

TAILORS

The zip on my suitcase had come off courtesy some over-eager baggage handlers at Bagdogra airport and unlike the UAE where things like this are usually disposed of, Darjeeling has a neighborhood tailor who’ll pretty much repair everything that can possibly be fixed.

That new jeans needs to be shortened? No Problem.

I need a cover for my car. No Problem.

The house needs a curtain? No Problem.

Shower Curtain?? Still No Problem.

And what is more, his “personal touch” will put most multinational customer service providers to shame.




I have to admit that I don’t visit the Tailor often, heck, for that matter I don’t even go back home so often. Yet when I went there with my suitcase the first thing he said was…


Kaile aaunu bhayeko? Dubai ma, hoina? (When did u come? You’re in Dubai, aren’t you?)

And here in Abu Dhabi the supermarket I visit almost every day probably doesn’t even know I exist.

Home. Aaah.

---------------------------*---------------------------

BENIS KO AALU

This, as every true-blue Darj gal will tell you, is actually not 100% accurate.


If it were taken literally, every tourist would probably look for Beni’s, locate the café and then complain about the horrid aalu they got there and curse your taste.

What Darj people mean when they mention the above is actually a small shop located opposite the café. It has no name, no signboards and at first glance you can barely imagine that such a place could be famous.



However having eaten there ever since I was a kid, for me, it has always been just “Benis ko aalu dokan”.

It probably took a jaundiced NRI eye to notice that the actual place they do the cooking in is a small room directly above the shop. And guess what? It has a window through which you can see the kid (or child labour depending on how you look at it) stirring the huge pot.



And the place is not even tall enough for him to stand straight.
So as a result, he’s always hunched over the pot as he stirs.


The secret of the taste of Benis, I dare say, is probably coming from his sweating brow.


But then who cares.... the cold in Darj makes everything fine again. Even Germs.

---------------------------*---------------------------

FOR THE LOVE OF THE FLAVOUR.

There is a new brand of condoms in India. Its called Manforce.


(Now whether the name in any way recommends rape or any kind of 'forced' entry is another topic for another day. )


For today I’m more interested in the flavours.


Selections like strawberry, banana (obviously), bubblegum, vanilla etc are the usual suspects when it comes to prophylactic flavours, but remember this is an Indian condom, marketed to Indian tastes. And so guess what they came up with?

What else but “Pan Pleasure”



Now I would usually associate chewing paan with a guy.

Not that women don’t chew paan, but if it were to be an obsession, I’d think a guy would seem more appropriate.


And if I am not mistaken, flavoured condoms don’t really do much for the ‘wearer’ as opposed to the ‘partner’ so I’m really confused as to who exactly the target audience for this is?


Unless ofcourse it causes a ‘tingling’ sensation and you like a ‘tingle while you fingle' - so to speak.


Khair... Jaane do

---------------------------*---------------------------

CALENDARS.

Long before Vijay Mallya began customizing it with skimpily clad girls, Indians (and you didn’t have to be famous for this – you just needed a giant size ego) were printing and distributing calendars freely.

But Greed always trumped Ego so the calendars were usually 1 big sheet with a picture (usually of some God) with flimsy date sheets to rip off at the bottom.




This time at a friend’s house I happened to see one of these calendars.


Now apart from the fact that he was a LIC Agent there really wasn’t any other justifiable ‘qualification’ for actually printing and distributing calendars.

Maybe he just liked to see his name in print. Maybe he needed to make a point to someone. Maybe…. I don't know..


But to be fair it was also mentioned that he was a Gold Medalist of some kind.

But going by the spelling, just the spelling.... I’d say not a very good one.
Maybe he just 'made' the gold madel.



Till next time ........

NEW MOON: Movie Review

OLD MOON IN A NEW BOTTLE

Dear Friends,

I was on a short vacation and therefore i could not blog.

Anyway before i come to some blogs on Darjeeling soon, here's a review i have been holding off on for more than a few months now.. Let me know your thoughts.

Luv

Vish

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON
MOVIE REVIEW

I have been holding off on writing the review for New Moon for almost half a year now.

Most of my friends loved it but I just did not go ga-ga over it. I found it stupid and surprisingly over-the-top.

Maybe I was in a bad mood while watching the film. I gave it the benefit of the doubt and didn’t write anything. However last week on my flight back from Delhi I watched it again on the inflight selection. And guess what. It was still bad. Still ridiculous.

In the movie, after it is advertently revealed that Jacob is actually a werewolf, the vampire loving Bella and him walk in the beach and have the following conversation.

Bella: So you are a werewolf.
Jacob: I guess so.
Bella: Isn’t there anything you can do about it.
Jacob: Its not a lifestyle choice Bella.
Bella: Aah OK. I guess so.

Friends of mine in the US who saw this movie reported contrasting reactions during this scene. The tweens were going “aaaahhhh” but most of the adults were laughing at the sheer sight of Bella & Jacob talking about it like it were some minor issue.

So the only real reason for its massive success has to be the teens and the teenagers or “tweens” as they are now known.

Anyway I’m getting ahead of the story here. Lets start at the very beginning because as Ms. Julie Andrews taught us, it a very good place to start.

When Bella (Kristen Stewart) wakes for the first time in The New Moon she’s horrified by the nightmare she’s just had. That is, as she looks out on a flowery field, she sees her future, as Edward’s (Robert Pattinson) beloved who is an old woman. The horror apparently is that she is aging. After all, she suddenly wakes up and remembers, it’s her 18th birthday already.

This ‘tragedy’ is somehow made worse when her dad, Charlie arrives in her bedroom with gifts and jokes that he’s spotted a gray hair amid her glorious thick brown tresses.

Well, it’s just too much.

Bella, being the drama queen who takes herself way to seriously, rushes to the mirror to assure herself that she’s not, in fact, old.

For most of us in our late 20’s and 30’s this is just plain silly. Stupid and Silly.

Feeling Old?? And that too at 18? Come on, its even more silly than having a love triangle between a werewolf, a vampire and a stupid old 18 year old girl.

But for the tweens, this taps into their inner angst where 25 is unimaginably OLD and where anyone over 30 is automatically Uncle or Aunty.

It’s no surprise then that Bella turns this bit of angst into her recurring desire, that Edward turn her into a Vampire i.e. have hot vampirish sex with her (again something the tweens seem to always have on their mind).

Not that it matters. As everyone knows by now, Bella and Edward are all about delaying gratification. They gush, they pant, they touch foreheads and maybe just maybe, kiss sometimes.

But the fact that 3 more films have to come out of this means they need a few more problems. So Edward suddenly and quite inexplicably decides that Bella just doesn’t belong in his world. He doesn’t want her, he says, and in addition, he asserts “You’re not good for me.” Strangely the stupid girl believes him and begins a very long and boring 15 minutes where she longs for him in angst. (Yeah baby its all about the angst in this movie.)

Edward of course is not “gone”. He keeps appearing as a smoke-ish image to warn Bella not to be “reckless,” which of course she (being the stupid girl she is) keeps being in the hope that she will see his smoky image again. Seriously, where is SKYPE when you need it?

Anyway after she finally gets tired of moping around and hitching rides with Hell’s Angels, she decides to visit Jacob (Taylor Lautner) to get him to fix some bikes (??). He falls in love, she gets reckless again, she falls and he does what he was paid to do in the movie. He removes his shirt.

Bella—and every tween in the audience—gasps.

In an example of very bad, corny writing she says breathlessly, “You’re sort of beautiful!” Maybe that white faced wimpy bloodsucking leech isn’t her only option. Maybe. Just Maybe.

But there’s a complication. But of course.

Even as Bella begins to softly caress Jake’s abs (and for the sake of the tweens he is almost always bare-bodied), he reveals that he’s a werewolf. Which leads us to the beginning of the review where I mentioned their ridiculously mundane conversation about something so radical.

“You’re-a-werewolf-OK-Great-Now-lets-get-on-with-it” kinda mundane.

Then for some agonizingly slow 30 min or so of the movie, Bella begins to ponders her future while Jake turns into a wimpy lovesick wolf-boy and Edward prepares for a strip-tease in Italy.

And yet… all this drama leads exactly nowhere.

You don’t have to be an expert in the Twilight series to know that Bella actually has no option. That Edward who’s determined not to have sex with her is always the “one.”
Wolf-boy has no chance of sinking his fangs (or any other part of his) into her.

New Moon then hurtles towards a big flashy climax (no no, not that type of climax) that’s both hilarious and comically camp. During a meeting of the Volturi, Aro (Michael Sheen) tells Edward and Bella that they will have to be killed for breaking vampire laws. Edward has shown himself to the humans. Too bad Aro doesn’t know that Edward’s girlfriend has a wolf waiting as a second suitor. Imagine what he’d have done then.

Anyway during this ‘meeting’, the Volturi are shocked on discovering Bella’s special gift.
Namely that the cocky vampire mind readers can’t read Bella’s mind.

Now it’s not clear whether this is because Bella is really special in some way or because she really has nothing in her brain. I’d personally go with the second option but then what do I know.

I am not a tween.

The sad part of this climax is the waste of 2 great actors; Michael Sheen (having some great fun as he gets to act so over-the-top) and Dakota Fanning (whose power is to make a victim believe she is feeling pain which she does by looking sternly at the victim). Fanning in particular has less than 4 minutes of screen time and yet in those 4 minutes she makes you wonder what wonders she could have done with Bella’s role.

The 3rd installment in this saga, Eclipse, is coming this summer.

Unlike the tweens, I’m not panting in anticipation but then who knows.......

Maybe they’ll finally have sex. Maybe they’ll even have a threesome.

We humans live in hope afterall.

ONLY IN NEW YORK

HA HA, HE HE, HEY HEY, HO HO

I have mentioned many times over the last few years about this absolutely awesome website called "Overheard In New York" which lists random conversations overheard all around NY and submitted by fans of the site. Any one can submit and then the editors choose the best ones and post them on the site.

The conversations are hilarious alright but the ‘headlines’ that the editors at the site give it are sometimes even funnier (in red).

Enjoy and do remember to bookmark the site. On a depressing day there’s nothing better to perk you up than examples of fellow human beings spouting absolute nonsense.

Below are some of the choice ones from the last 3 weeks entries.

Enjoy & Luv

Vish

Eh, That Could Mean Anything.

Fat woman #1: Listen! I am telling you that that bitch stole my cat! I am absolutely positive that she mothafuckin' stole my cat!
Fat woman #2: Girl, she probably did, she's crazy. What made you so damn convinced that she did it?
Fat woman #1: Because I got a mothafuckin' text message from her sayin', "meow."

--Liquor Store, Brooklyn

...Like, One That Makes You Thin?

Woman: And she's dying from some disease.
Man: Well, is it a good disease?

--57th & 7th

That's Cold.

Younger pharmacy clerk: I'm cold.
Older pharmacy clerk: That's your problem.

--Duane Reade

How Kids Learn to Offer Bribes
Little boy, whispering to brother: That's a cop. He can arrest people.
(brother starts tickling little boy)
Little boy: Arrest him! Arrest him!
Cop: Sorry, kid. I'm off duty.

--5 Train

Supernanny Calls That "Time Out With Extreme Prejudice"

Dad to screaming kid: Stop screaming! Stop screaming! Do you want to go to time out?
Screaming kid to dad: It's too cold for time out!
Dad to screaming kid: Then we'll do it on the subway!
Screaming kid to dad: There's no time out on the subway!
Dad to screaming kid: There is if daddy leaves you on the train.

--42nd & 7th

Who Doesn't Love a Jazzhandjob?

Woman: You mean you didn't like having sex with her?
Man: Well, I mean, she was just too... jazzy afterwards.
Woman: Oh, I know. Don't worry, that's just how she is. I thought it was weird at first, too.
Man: Excuse me, when did you start fucking my girlfriends, you little whore?!

--Madison Square Garden

If I Could Read Minds, I Wouldn't Be Homeless, Ma'am

Hobo: Spare some change, ma'm?
Woman: Ugh, I don't have any change, I'm going to yoga. Why would I carry change if I'm going to yoga?

--The Strand

Romance in the times of Twilight.

Girl to boyfriend kissing her hand: Are you kissing my hand or wiping your nose?

--Central Park

Sit Your Ass Down, You Overcompliant Child

Mother to son, at semi-crowded subway: Where's Alliyah?
Son: I don't know, somewhere over there.
Mother: Alliyah!
(Alliyah walks over)
Mother: Where were you?
Alliyah: Over there.
Mother: Sitting down?
Alliyah: Yeah.
Mother: Then why'd you get up?
Alliyah: (shakes head and rolls eyes)

--F Train

How Was Your Martin Luther King Day, New York?

Nurse to Asian woman at free blood pressure screening: Ma'am, you need to get your high blood pressure checked out by a doctor.
Asian woman: No English.
Elderly black woman: I speak Chinese.
Nurse: Really?
Elderly black woman: Yeah. Ching-ching-ching!

--Harlem

ITS A QUESTION OF A QUESTION.
EK SAWAAL KA SAWAAL HAI

After the last few morose topic I thought I’d give you some light things to ponder over.

Here are some Questions you just CAN'T answer (and if you can then do write back to let me know).

You dont need to ponder too much... they are all in a light vein... remember "Agar Rupa ki baniyan pehnoge toh.....toh...toh..Rupa kya Pehnegi??""

Enjoy.

Luv

Vish





Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? What does he shave with?




Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?




Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?




Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?




Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?




You know the speed of Light but what is the speed of darkness?




Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?




Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? (LOL....I know it is not really a question but I couldnt resist this one.)




How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?



Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?



Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?



Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?



Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? He he he



Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!



If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (Dont answer that..)



If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?



If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? (Again. Try and refrain)



Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?



Does pushing the lift button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why do the Alphabet song (ABCD..EFG...HIJK...LMNOP) and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?



Now Stop singing and get back to work.......

Actor Dies After being tasered.

DEATH WATCH. WATCH DEATH. QUITE LITERALLY.


Its always sad when someone dies but even more so when it could have been avoided.


A porn actor, Andrew Grande, was pronounced dead this morning at a Florida hospital.

The 23-year-old was in the middle of filming a new reality show when he got into an argument with a girl. Someone reported the disturbance and when the cops arrived one of the police officers tried to arrest Andrew.

He resisted and quickly shoved something in his mouth, which was later found to be Marijuana.

And that's when things turned deadly for him.

Since he was resisting arrest, one of the officers 'tasered' him to restrain him, but the jolt forced the contents in his mouth to lodge in his throat and he began to choke.

The officers desperately tried to save him by using the Hiemlich maneuver but the bag was just too big and by the time the paramedics arrive, he had already passed out. He was dead by the time they reached the hospital.

And just because he was in the middle of reality show, there is footage of the entire ordeal, which you can watch below.

I must warn you that it's pretty disturbing and not very easy to watch and for that matter i cant even believe the cameraman kept shooting.

So Sad & So Tragic.


Vish


IMP: VIEWER DISCRETION STRICTLY ADVISED.

Cry Baby Over Milk

YET ANOTHER MILK STORY...

A Company called E-Trade debuted an ad during this year's Super Bowl.

And at this stage if you dont follow american football or have any kind of interest in Lindsay Lohan its probably a good idea to stop reading.

Anyway the ad shows 2 kids (babies actually) video chatting.

The boyfriend had apparantly not shown up the previous night for a date with his girlfriend and claims he was working on "diversifying his portfolio" on E-Trade.

The suspecting girlfriend then asks..

"And that Milk-o-holic Lindsay wasnt there??"

Even as the flustered boyfriend is asking "Lindsay???" UP pops a baby girl's head onto the screen saying angrily "Milk-o WHAT??"

Now Miss Lindsay Lohan has had her troubles with the paps with her boozing and alcoholism so she claims that they were mocking her in that ad and wants a cool $100 Million as compensation.

And quite incredibly she also goes on to claim that like Oprah and Cher she too is known world wide by just her first name.

Yeah....Maybe in Cuckoo-Land.

Anyway she claims she saw the ad and called her mommy in tears asking;

"Mommy, mommy how can anyone be so rude?"

Cry-o-holic Anyone???

Enjoy the ad.

Luv

Vish

Honey, I Sprayed the Cops

THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS ??

Wow. Sometimes there comes a bit of news which just makes you speechless.
Seriously. There really isn't much you can say except state the facts and here they are.

An woman in Arizona, USA (where else), was arrested for public intoxication Friday night and taken to jain. There she was given a prison uniform to change into and while doing that she apparantly "sprayed" the cop who was booking her in the face with BREAST MILK!!!

Seriously. SERIOUSLY.

What is wrong with some people?!!

And it gets crazier here.

Apparantly in the USA (again, where else) breast milk is considered as third degree assault in a court of law and so the crazy woman got another charge added.

Over here all i can say is that I dont know what i'm more surprised about.

That something like this could even happen or the fact that it has happened often enough for there to be legislation about it.

WOW.

And that poor cop???

He had to be DECONTAMINATED!!

Check out the news below.... unfortunately they still have not released the cctv tapes from the prison of the actual 'act'.

Enjoy

Vish

CRAZY IS AS CRAZY DOES

FARM ANY BABIES TODAY?

I am in the mood for some net-lecturing today.

Have we seriously gone net-crazy?

By now many of you must have heard of the South Korean couple who let their 3 month old baby daughter die of starvation only because they were too busy raising their ‘virtual’ child online. Both unemployed, they would spend 6-8 hours in the nearby internet café where they were obsessed with a role-playing game called “Prius Online” in which they nurtured a virtual girl named ‘Anima’.

Bottle feeding the poor baby only once everyday, they spent hours upon hours online making sure that ‘Anima’ got her virtual milk on time.

On September 24th when they returned home after spending the whole night at the internet café they found their poor baby dead and promptly went into hiding at a relative’s home from where they had the cheek to issue a statement.

It said: “I’m sorry to my daughter and hope she doesn’t get sick in heaven.”

Now let that be a lesson to all of you who spend hours on your ‘farms’.

Your children & family may not exactly be starving for food but they are starving nonetheless.

Starving for your time and attention.

Think of all the real things you can do for your family and loved ones the next time you go to plant some virtual ‘strawberries’.

BTW did you notice that in that report about the Korean case the virtual baby was called “Anima” but there was no mention of the poor ‘real’ baby’s name.

Neither by the reporters nor by the parents in their statement.

And That’s Sad. Very Very Sad.

Till next time and hopefully some better news.

Luv

Vish

P.S. How many of you were thinking of Googling ‘Prius Online’ even while you were reading the article above? Shame On You.

Anti Smoking

"I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPs

WITH THAT CIGARETTE"



An anti-smoking campaign in France has just released a series of posters to get teenagers to stop smoking.





As I'm sure you've now noticed, that the ads liken the act of 'sexual submission' (or oral sex to be more precise) to that of inhaling tar.

Since all of us dont really read French, the slogan on these ads reads:

"Smoking means being a slave to tobacco."

Naturally it goes without saying that people are pissed, calling the ads "inappropriate" and "counterproductive," but the head of the Non-Smoker' Rights Association, Remi Parola, says the ads were a necessary step to reaching out to the youth demographic:

"We noticed that the traditional anti-smoking campaigns no longer got across amongst the youth. We thus had to use another way in order to raise awareness…We were surprised by the extent of the media buzz. But it's above all a message of public health that got across."

Plain Cancer stories are obviously not effective anymore and hardly gets their attention and while this ad has certainly gotten their attention, the proverbial million dollar question is, is it effective?

What do U think?

Will it make a difference to teenagers?

Till Next Time

Vish

GREAT AD'S

WHAT AN IDEA, SIRJI

Dear All,

I have been crazy busy with work these past few days and before i get to reviewing Karthik Calling Karthik tomorrow let me leave you loyal visitors of my blog with some examples of great ad's.

Ciao

Vishal Calling Vishal

P.S. This compilation of ad's is courtesy my friend Saloni Arora. She's expecting royalty from this so if any large pursed beneficiaries out there then please do contact her with your contributions.... lolz

So Simple and yet So Effective. What would we do without parents.

And Yes, even 1 drink counts. Yes Yes even Beer.

And how many times have we given in to those 2 minute hunger pangs..

Ha Ha Ha....Brilliant.

So True. So True.

Again very Effective.

If Not Us, Who? If Not Now, When?

I am going to guess that the Pakis arent too happy about this. he he

Simbly. That's Why. SIMBLY

We Were Warned.

To All My Smoker Friends (Sallu included)

If the Environment angle doesnt convince you, how about some subtle religious blackmail?