The Best Lines Are Unscripted

THE BEST LINES ARE UNSCRIPTED

Dear Readers,



Observant readers will have noticed that i have always shared fun things with you and today i happened to come across this crazy website called "Overheard in New York" (see the 'what i'm surfin' link). It is a collection of randon bits of conversation overheard in New York by readers. The website is also one of the winners of the Best Humorous Website awards.

To whet your appetite and for those of you who are too lazy to click on a link and actually read, i've compiled a few gems for your reading pleasure. Unscripted lines are really the best.

Have nice weekend.



Vish

Woman to another: Every time I get pregnant, I always worry, 'Who mah baby daddy?'

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Union SquareStudent on cell: Hi, Dad! How are you? [Long pause] This is your son.
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Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It's just never come up, I guess. So I think, 'Okay, I'm not that young anymore -- I'll take what I can get...' and it was going fine, but then I didn't know you're not supposed to shove it in that fast.

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Homeless guy yelling at everyone: Paul McCartney, you so rich, why you marry a woman with one leg? You could buy yourself one with two legs easily. Easily, dammit.

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Ghetto guy: Yo, I gotta be careful and hurry up and catch this midget before she leave me.

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Short lady: And I told him, 'I may be an ugly midget, but at least I'm not a Neanderthal.'

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Little girl watching midget walk by: Look, Mommy! Mini-Me's wife!

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Suit on cell: On one hand, you're married, and I don't need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob

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Flight attendant on intercom: Well, everybody, sorry for that delay -- the plane was late coming in from California. On the other hand, I have some good news: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance

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Gate attendant: We will be boarding this flight to Atlanta shortly, but this flight is overbooked. At this time, we're asking for two volunteers to... Damn, bitch!

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Pilot on intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to welcome you aboard and thank you for choosing, uh, JetBlue... This is JetBlue, right?

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Flight attendant: We want to thank you for flying with us today and remind you that there's no one who loves you or your money more than Delta.

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Flight attendant on intercom: Please turn off your cell phones, pagers, iPods, laptops... Basically, anything that is bringing you joy right now, just turn it off

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Flight attendant on intercom after landing: Well, we're here.

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Train Conductor, not into mic: Yes, I know this is Broadway. Stop touching that -- just stay still for, like, five seconds... God! I swear to God and Jesus and whoever else, if you don't stop doin' things, I'm gonna leave you at the next stop! [Into mic] High Street, Brooklyn Bridge, this a Manhattan-bound F train. Stand clear of the closing doors, please. [Not into mic] That is it! This is so the last time I take you to work with me, you little-- [mic turns off].

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Conductor: This is not a stop! This is not a stop! This is not a stop! [Train stops.] Okay, we're stopping, but I'm not opening the doors!

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Queer on cell: Tell him that if his asshole tingles, he'll know I'm near

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Man to friend: He's a fuckin' asshole... Even in a wheelchair he's a fuckin' asshole!

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Girl on cell: It's gross! It's sick! I'm not asking anyone for Viagra for my dad! It's sick!
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Chick: Good-bye [departs train].

Guy #1: Good-bye.

Guy #2: Eddie*, your sister is really pretty.

Guy #3: Don't call her that -- 'pretty' is something you say about nice girls, not whores like that.

Eddie: What are you talking about?

Guy #3: Ed, don't take it out on me, but at Dave's birthday party your sister was in the bedroom working for 10 dollars.

Eddie: ... I'm gonna kill Dave. Why didn't you tell me about this?!

Guy #3: Because she was right there!

[Silence, then Eddie departs.]

Guy #2: 10 dollars? What's her phone number? I've got 10 dollars.

Guy #3: I know, best 10 bucks I ever spent

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Teen latina #1: ... And I asked this boy's name and he was like, 'Renaissance.' And I was like, 'Is that the name your mama gave you?' And he was like, 'Yeah, Renaissance.'

Teen latina #2: What's his name?

Teen latina #1: Renaissance. You know, like... Renaissance. Like... Renaissance. Ren-aissance. Like, when there used to be princesses and shit. Like, they'd dress all... You know, the Renaissance

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Hairdresser #1: So, you're a practicing Muslim?

Hairdresser #2: Yep.

Hairdresser #1: So, do Muslims pray to God, or Mohammed, or both?

Hairdresser #2: I don't really get into the details

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Scene girl: I don't understand why your mother doesn't like me...

Scene boyfriend: You stole my grandmother's medication.

Scene girl: She'll be dead in a week. Chill out

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Girl #1: I looove Mexican food.

Girl #2: Me, too... just not people ordering it while they're having sex with me

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Hipster chick: [Whispering]... Vagina. [Whispering]... Vagina. [Whispering]... Haha, vagina!

Six people collectively: Shut up!

Four-year-old boy: Mom, what's a vagina?

Mom: It's a word that only fucking inconsiderate people say around four-year-olds.

Four-year-old: Mom, what's 'fucking'?
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Blonde #1: Look -- a statue of Gandhi.

Blonde #2: Look how skinny he is.

Blonde #1: I'm hella-jealous.

Blonde #2: Ditto. I wonder how he did it.

Blonde #1: Anorexia, probably.

Blonde #2: Figures. Maybe him and Nicole Richie are related [giggles].

Blonde #1: I don't get it -- she's not Indian, is she?

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Tween girl running towards crime scene minutes after a shooting: We's gonna be on TV, nigga!

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Conductor: If you do not fit through the physics of the train, please step aside -- this train is not made of spandex.

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Teen girl: This is the shittiest day.

Wheelchairboy: Would you rather trade places with me?

Teen girl: I would, nigga -- I haven't sat down all day.